Today, Bill Gates apologized to everyone in the world for the "horrible, terrible piece of shit" that is Windows. He is also offering compensation to users for "that fucking time vampire" in the form of coupons good for one free visit to The Fellatio Barn for every time a user has had to reinstall Windows or experienced any kind of problem, and is offering one million dollars to each tech worker, even if they don't work directly with Windows or any other Microsoft product, due to what Mr. Gates has dubbed "The uber retard-o factor" which is a form of contagious stupidity brought on by proximity to Windows.
What? It's funnier than some of the stories I've seen. =)