Journal drunkrussian's Journal: How different U.S. government agencies deliver pizza... 1
Delta Force: Rappels in from black helicopters, secures money, delivers pizza to objective. Extracted by black helicopters. Mission considered a success if more than half the helicopters do not crash.
U.S. Marines: Level the block to make sure there will be no resistance. Suffer 50% casualties.
U.S. Navy SEALs: Sneak into your house, place pizza in the oven, then leave. You don't notice anything until the rotting cheese smell a week later.
U.S. Air Force: Delivers pizza three doors down, blames it on weather.
National Security Agency: Delivers pizza with a bug in it.
Information Awareness Office: Tracks you for three days, then concludes from your friend networks the kind of pizza you most like.
101st Airborne: Parachutes into tree with pizza. You get fed up waiting and order Chinese.
U.S. Army Ranger: "Get down! That pizza is hot! Don't touch it! Give it to me!" Proceeds to sacrifice himself.
FBI: Barricades house. Offers pizza in exchange for twenty dollars. You refuses. FBI burns down your house, and blames it on faulty wiring. Loses pizza next day to internal spy.
LAPD: Shoots pizza. Pizza's fault for not answering questions.
NYPD: Sticks pizza with broom handle.
CIA: Bribes random person on street to deliver pizza.
State Department: Negotiates with you about the price, toppings, delivery time...
Democratic Party: Fourteen different guys rush to your house, begging you take only their pizza. None of the pizzas are the one you ordered.
Republican Party: Delivers your pizza to George W. Bush. Demands tip anyway.
Libertarian Party: Refuses to give you a pizza, claims it belongs to them alone. Offers you a toke.
George W. Bush: Shows up at your house empty-handed, claims pizza abducted by terrorists. Demands tip anyway.
George Bush: Tells you over the phone price is $10. Shows up, demands $15.
FDR: Delivers pizza. Refuses tip. Delivers another pizza, free. Refuses tip. Delivers another pizza, free. Refuses tip. Weeds garden, takes out trash. Delivers another pizza, free. Refuses tip. Dies. Republicans blame him for shortage of tip money.
Nixon: "I am NOT a pizza delivery boy. Can I still get a tip?"
JFK: "We choose to deliver the pizza! We choose to deliver the pizza in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, and that goal is one we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one we intend to win, and the others too!"
Ronald Reagan: Promises to deliver pizza on time. Forgets. Republicans name your doorstep after him anyway.
Bill Clinton: Shows up, starts flirting with you. Boss threatens to fire him over cell phone until he starts flirting with boss, too.
IDA: We were going to develop and run a computer simulation to determine the best methods for pizza delivery, but we got distracted playing Counterstrike.
-Myself and Tim L.
U.S. Marines: Level the block to make sure there will be no resistance. Suffer 50% casualties.
U.S. Navy SEALs: Sneak into your house, place pizza in the oven, then leave. You don't notice anything until the rotting cheese smell a week later.
U.S. Air Force: Delivers pizza three doors down, blames it on weather.
National Security Agency: Delivers pizza with a bug in it.
Information Awareness Office: Tracks you for three days, then concludes from your friend networks the kind of pizza you most like.
101st Airborne: Parachutes into tree with pizza. You get fed up waiting and order Chinese.
U.S. Army Ranger: "Get down! That pizza is hot! Don't touch it! Give it to me!" Proceeds to sacrifice himself.
FBI: Barricades house. Offers pizza in exchange for twenty dollars. You refuses. FBI burns down your house, and blames it on faulty wiring. Loses pizza next day to internal spy.
LAPD: Shoots pizza. Pizza's fault for not answering questions.
NYPD: Sticks pizza with broom handle.
CIA: Bribes random person on street to deliver pizza.
State Department: Negotiates with you about the price, toppings, delivery time...
Democratic Party: Fourteen different guys rush to your house, begging you take only their pizza. None of the pizzas are the one you ordered.
Republican Party: Delivers your pizza to George W. Bush. Demands tip anyway.
Libertarian Party: Refuses to give you a pizza, claims it belongs to them alone. Offers you a toke.
George W. Bush: Shows up at your house empty-handed, claims pizza abducted by terrorists. Demands tip anyway.
George Bush: Tells you over the phone price is $10. Shows up, demands $15.
FDR: Delivers pizza. Refuses tip. Delivers another pizza, free. Refuses tip. Delivers another pizza, free. Refuses tip. Weeds garden, takes out trash. Delivers another pizza, free. Refuses tip. Dies. Republicans blame him for shortage of tip money.
Nixon: "I am NOT a pizza delivery boy. Can I still get a tip?"
JFK: "We choose to deliver the pizza! We choose to deliver the pizza in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, and that goal is one we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one we intend to win, and the others too!"
Ronald Reagan: Promises to deliver pizza on time. Forgets. Republicans name your doorstep after him anyway.
Bill Clinton: Shows up, starts flirting with you. Boss threatens to fire him over cell phone until he starts flirting with boss, too.
IDA: We were going to develop and run a computer simulation to determine the best methods for pizza delivery, but we got distracted playing Counterstrike.
-Myself and Tim L.
LOL (Score:1)