spun's Journal: Relationships on training wheels

First, let me apologize for my near incoherence. I'm quite drunk, but I've had a great night with my wife, her lover, and her sister tonight, and I have to get this down before I forget.

It started last night, with our plans for tonight. Merril was eager to apply some of the cooking lessons he'd learned from me on our previous nights together. Unfortunately, he is living in the house he's flipping right now, and it's in a sorry state. Even if we could make use of the dysfunctional kitchen, he's got no furniture, so we would be sitting on the floor and eating.

Therefore, we planned to cook and eat here, and Merril would go home with Jenny. But two hours before dinner time, Tawni called Jenny saying she had a free moment. Tawni is one of Jenny's acting disciples. She's a brilliant writer on her own regard, but she learned everything she knows about acting from my wife. She is also a tall, gorgeous amazon who would make any fan of Wonder Woman get a full on stiffy.

Too bad she's off limits. I had to clue Merril in to that fact when we went out to buy groceries for tonight's meal. No fucking Jenny's friends, anyone else is okay. Jenny and I put together a perfect Thai green curry chicken menu from memory and first principles tonight. Merril and I hunted down the ingredients, going to two different stores to find everything Jenny and I had decided to include.

The recipe was 3 pounds of chicken breast; 1/2 pound each of cherry tomatoes, green peppers, onions, and green beens; two cans of coconut milk; one tablespoons each of coriander, fish sauce, and Thai green curry paste; 1/4 cup of basil; and 1/2 cup of cilantro added at the end. It turned out fucking phenomenal. And Merril learned a lot.

Not the least of which was the value of compromise in relationships. Damn it, I wish they weren't so much like she and I were when we are first going out. I try to offer them both short cuts based on what I've learned, but that only works when people know what the hell you're talking about in the first place.

After buying all the ingredients, Merril and I were walking to my car and talking about relationships. His failed ones and ours with Jenny. I told him he was lucky, because he has a relationship on training wheels. First, he doesn't have to worry about being partner material for Jenny, she has me. Second, he has me to give him advice. He took it well, for all the audacity involved.

The dinner turned out great, but the meal was marred by strife. Jenny, still feeling like she had to assert her place, was a little bossy towards me. That pushed Merril's buttons, and he told her if she ever talked to him that way, he would break up with her. I ended up the go between for my wife and her lover. Thankfully, I really like them both, so it's not hard for me to engage empathy and act thoughtfully towards them both, even caught in middle.

To Jenny, I presented the remembrance of what I was like when we first met, and how much I've learned since then. To him, I merely said, "You can fight a woman for control, and then you are just fighting each other all the time; or, you can give in and let her win, then she will share control with you. Be a man, show a little weakness. It will pay off."

He heard me. She was so pissed she didn't even want to go home with him tonight, even though it was their night tonight. He admitted a little weakness, she softened right up, they went home together, and her sister and I ended up having a very nice conversation about family, Christianity, and the holidays.

I still think Rachael is a demanding pain in the ass, but I know she knows what family means, and that is what Christmas is all about, to agnostic old me. It seams like we'll all be going to Christmas mass this year, even though half of us aren't really Christians.

Is it weird to think that Christ would be proud of that? I'd say "Merry Christmas!" but I just know I'm going to have a few more things to blog about between now and then.

Did I mention that Jenny and Rachael's parents are coming out for the holidays? And did I mention that we're going to try to sneak Merril in to the Christmas diner & then the Mass with all of us, as my friend?

"Oh yes, parental units, this is my dear geeky friend Merril who would be all alone for the holidays were it not for our festively cheerful inclusiveness."

We learned with the whole Mr. Y. Disaster not to mention this sort of thing to Jenny's parents. My mom knows, but I was born into a three way marriage so Jenny and my polyamory has never been something to hide from her. Merril was raised Mormon, so this isn't too much of a stretch for him, though it might be for his family if he talked to them. But Jenny's family are all proper Protestants, so the whole concept makes them uncomfortable.

We're going to see how things progress before announcing anything this time. They both push each other's buttons like crazy, even as they turn each other on like crazy. Merril needs to shit or get off the pot. If he wants a fuck buddy, he doesn't have much time left. If he wants a relationship (on training wheels) then he needs to show some vulnerability, step up, and be real with her. Please, he can do it with me, girls are not THAT much more scary.