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Journal queenofthe1ring's Journal: Midlife Crisis 33

Journal by queenofthe1ring

I'm having mine at apparently half of the average age. I always matured a little fast.

Cue the insanity:

WHAT AM I DOING? WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING? WHY AM I NOT DOING IT? AHH!

Specifically, how far should I really be pursuing art. How long is joblessness acceptable. Should I get a job instead, because essentially art and anything else time consuming will probably be mutually exclusive. (like when I was in school, I didn't really do much serious art.) Should I have gone to gradschool (oh please God no!). [/insanity]

But like seriously. It freaks me out.

This discussion was created by queenofthe1ring (768698) for no Foes, but now has been archived. No new comments can be posted.

Midlife Crisis More

Midlife Crisis

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  • I don't recall if you mentioned your age but at 37 I'm running into similar feelings. I just interviewed at the architecture firm I worked at 7 years ago and fortunately they took me in. For me the 'art' aspect of my life has been on and off successful over the past few years (I own a martial arts school) but this year has been not so good. Rather than close the doors I cut back on its schedule and decided to go back to work. 9 months left on the lease is enough time to make any 'final' decisions before I c

    • My age? I turn 23 on Saturday. I feel like I'm the only one without a goal. I'm just floating along.

      My biggest problem is that I never really had a life goal. When I was little I always had at least 8 things I wanted to be when I grew up. By the time I hit highschool, I just kind of gave up on most of them, because I was too busy with school, and living up to everyone else's expectations. I went to college because that's what I was supposed to do. I started off as a physics major because I thoug

      • Re: (Score:2)

        by nizo ( 81281 ) *
        Whoa whoa whoa woman; take a deep breath...... Crap I am 37 and I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up.

        Ok first of all, don't panic. You don't have kids, or (I assume) huge money sinks (i.e. huge mortgage, kids, credit card debt, etc). Right now you are at a point in your life where you are as free as you ever will be, assuming any of those huge time/money sinks ever comes along later. Take the time to enjoy it; I wish I had.

        All that said, be glad you got your degree. Even if you never use it,

        • So far no big money sinks. We are looking to buy a house next year though. I look forward to this.

          It's not that I think I don't have time now, it's that I know I have gobs of it, and I'm wasting it. This really really bothers me, because I know that things are going to get a lot busier in the coming years, and I feel like I'm going to die with out accomplishing anything.

          The college I did graduate from had a "career services" center that had a personality test thing. It told me I was a "yellow".

      • Comment removed based on user account deletion

        • Panic attacks? I think I'm getting close to that point. I'm definitely way too anxious as I am writing this, but it has a lot less to do with my life path at the moment than how much suckage is happening at the apartment right now. I'll spare you the details unless you are interested.

          Give yourself a timetable to do X with your art, and when that timetable is reached, reassess and adjust.

          This is definitely what I need to do. I have no real goals, other than some sort of amorphous end goal, and n

  • You are entering a the Lucy Zone...

    OK, that may be too obscure. You young'uns with no cultural grounding. ;-)

    Anyway.

    Those feelings are normal. Particularly in your context, where you've been through some life changes. The notion of finding something that you're passionate about might be good, but those things do not exactly grow on trees. And they can change from time to time. I'm a lot further along in life, and it was fairly recently that I found something (ok, someone) that I'm really passionate abo

    • Lucy Zone? Yeah, sorry I had to google that. Google didn't help. But, I am the world's worst googler. Seriously, even husband is making fun of me for that now. He might know what the Lucy Zone is though, I will try to remember to ask him whenever he gets home.

      I guess my problem is that I don't want to just commit to one thing. I want to be good at everything I'm interested in doing. I can't just pick one thing that I want to work on at the exclusion of all other things. Plus I am beginning to t

      • Try googling "Friends of the Friendless". Or just look here [lucyfan.com]. :-)

        When you find something that you really want to do, then you will be able to commit to it. Until then, don't force it. I loved grad school, working on my master's in computer science, because I didn't have to take any courses that I didn't enjoy (of course, I liked most of what I took undergrad - it was just the exams that were unpleasant :-) ).

        You'll figure it out. Just keep looking. My sig is apropos - "where the heart desires, the feet

        • So it was an "I Love Lucy" reference. That is what I had initially thought, but I've only ever seen the rare episode on TV land.

          I did not enjoy school in the least, so I don't consider it as a serious option. I just feel guilty because nearly everyone else I know that graduated went to gradschool. Plus my parents got me a GRE study book for Christmas that I never even flipped through.

          Husband helped me out with framing some goals to reach by the end of the year. Hopefully I'll actually finish th

  • ... what it is is just a post-college 'what should I really be doing... did I get the right degree? etc...' crisis. Take your time and figure out what you want to do. Take a job in something you may want to do and see how you like it. You don't want to spend the rest of your life in a job you hate, so try a few out before committing...
    • Yep. Sounds like a typical quarter life crisis.

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by nizo ( 81281 ) *
      Heh that reminds me of what I was gonna say; it isn't like you are picking out a sweater to wear this winter; this is your career you are talking about. Taking your time picking a good one is well worth the effort.
  • I know, I know, all I ever do is reccommend books. In this case, it is What Color is Your Parachute? [amazon.com] It's reason for being is to help the newly unemployed figure out what to do next. That isn't your situation, but close enough. It was actually recommended to me when I was back in my early twenties and working in a factory. I had the same sort of questions, and even though I was employed at the time, it helped me figure out what I wanted to do next.

    I liked it, just because it has a set of exercises to go th

  • We make time for the things we want to do... even if we don't think so. I have a friend who was big into computers, and went to college for digital art. Basically helped build the digital art program, but was disappointed because he was mostly alone in the field, there. After college, he decided to become a painter. He's been working at a gallery, flying to Europe and meeting all sorts of famous and talented people, and is planning on waiting tables, because it gives him more time to work on his own art.

    • I "mean to" -- but that's self-placation. I know there are plenty of times that I could go and take photos, but don't. I don't know what holds me back, but I'll have to dig into it to really know why I'm not doing the things I tell myself I want to do.

      This is exactly my problem. Sometimes I even manage to talk myself out of doing what I want to do once I've already started. It's frustrating and disappointing at the same time.

      • The question we both, apparently, need to answer, is this: Why do I want to not do these things?
        Maybe it's fear of not being good enough.
        Fear of change?
        Maybe it's because we think there's something bigger, something better we should be doing?
        Maybe we don't like the solitude of these personal pursuits.

        I think all of these are reasons for me, each in their own strength and way.

        • Why do I want to not do these things?

          Yes, that is the question. I agree with all of your reasons, and submit a few of my own.

          • Fear of success?
          • Fear of disappointing (self/parents/others) ?
          • Fear that the success will not be what we had hoped for?

          Well, for me anyways. I think that last one is what I secretly dwell on in the back corner of my mind. I think I feel that all roads lead to disappointment. At least a lot of my life experiences seem to suggest that. (Sorry, there is a specific insta

          • I'll spare you the details, unless you are really interested in them.

            Do tell. Feel free to e-mail me if you don't want to detail it out on here.

            • Well, it's not that this stuff is overly personal. It's just rather bitchy/whiny. I am a little worried that husband will read it, and be sad, but I don't think he really reads comments on old entries. I kind of do need to talk to someone about it, even if it isn't him.

              Ever since moving into this new apartment, our upstairs neighbor has been an absolute nightmare. I think I've written a short entry about it before, but I didn't really go into much detail. He constantly paces his apartment, and his

              • If the apartment complex people won't do anything, and have said as much, there are two approaches. You could talk to the man, directly. This can be effective, as it puts a face on the problem for him, and possibly getting some insight into what's really going on up there. If you aren't comfortable doing that, call the police. Be completely honest. Tell them that is it ongoing and the apartment people have done nothing despite repeated requests.

                The pacing probably isn't something you can really solve. Thou

                • Husband has tried talking to the man upstairs. That was actually the first step that we took to try to solve the problem. First he apologized and said he was hard of hearing, and that he would try to play it softer, and actually even came down once to ask if it was too loud. After a couple of times though, he stopped answering his door. That's when we finally took it to the apartment people.

                  When I talked to the office woman yesterday (when she gave me the whole "crap's chance" speech) I asked her i

                  • I have weird perspectives on personal interactions because of my time working in a call center. I was tech support, customer service, and an instructor for about a year, each. There are lots of good lessons to be learned, there. As representatives, you often have to acknowledge the customer's feelings without validating them, and attempt to redirect their emotions. Example:

                    Guy buys computer, it arrives with a broken monitor. He's pissed at the company for selling a bad product. No one really knows how it wa
                  • OK, sorry for the long delay -- I've been at work ALL day. I'll try to be more on-topic this time around.

                    Tailoring your words to another person's understanding and sensitivities takes time, and can be difficult at first, but is well worth it. In your given example --"The man upstairs makes me hate living here, and that makes me really sad." -- you still said you "hate living here," which -- from my limited viewpoint -- he feels is an accusation. If you really do hate living there, and not just the neighbor'

                    • Sorry that I didn't respond to your previous comment, I tried to a couple of times, but I got way too off topic and it just wasn't prudent to post. Thank you for taking the time to write though. I noticed the book you suggested is the same one that johndiii had mentioned before. I am putting it on my library list.

                      to hate them is to put energy toward it, to spend time seething in anger

                      This is exactly what has happened with the man upstairs and dealing with the office people about him. Every time

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