WannaBeGeekGirl's Journal: to hell with weapons just use words-off to isolation i go

Sticks and stones will break my bones and your words will break my mind.

I'd rather have broken bones then the way you people are lashing out against my mind. I do the best I can with what I've been given. I'm so sorry its not enough for you. Nothing will ever be good enough for you. I leave you alone and you chase after me picking fights. I ignore you and still you find ways to scream your poison back into my mind. Until, no matter what I do to tolerate you, I'm always the bad person. You'll always win, because I refuse to hurt anyone so deeply, to wound their soul and drag them down exploiting weaknesses.

Fine. If thats the way its to be, then I'll retreat into my silence and isolation once more.

I'm tired of being the chicken, the one who gives up in the name of having a conscious.

Ibsen wrote "The strongest man is he who stands most alone." and I believe it now--I understand it. I can survive loneliness, isolation. I don't have to be a human, I can be a robot that doesn't need love and caring. I'll find the way. Anything to stop the pain that greets me every single time I trust someone.

F*ck humanity and socializing. Everyone lets you down. They all have an agenda. I was born without the part of the brain that makes you fight to survive in that way. I'm better for it.

I'm gone. Done with the mind-games of cruel people. Leave me alone. ~pf

Ibsen, and isolation

[johndiii]

If that is your understanding of Ibsen, that strength lies in isolation, I believe that you have misunderstood. To stand on the basis of one's values is his point, and that is meaningless if one hides away. You can't be that robot without destroying the better part of yourself.

It's not possible to live without being hurt. I'm sorry for your pain, and if anything that I said (or my drawing you out here) caused any of it. But no one can protect you from that pain without taking away your humanity. Nevert

Re:Ibsen, isolation, & I want to be a robot

[WannaBeGeekGirl]

If that is your understanding of Ibsen, that strength lies in isolation, I believe that you have misunderstood. To stand on the basis of one's values is his point, and that is meaningless if one hides away. You can't be that robot without destroying the better part of yourself.

I never read Ibsen, just his quote.

Irregardless, (I've always wanted to use that word, and this seems like the time) I've stood on bases of my values, and it has gotten me nowhere but hurt. I'd rather try the way I've taken it out of context, the way it reads literally. I'm certainly surrounded by and hurt by robots. (That statement is not inclusive of all I've encountered in my life journey, but mostly.) Its time I stop having sympathy for the robots that betray me.

I'd rather become one. Ignoranc

Re:

[johndiii]

Being plastic does not take away the pain.

Life is not about getting what you deserve. It's about making what you can with what you have. No, you do not deserve this pain. It should not happen to anyone. But it does. You will be in my prayers.

Re:

[spun]

Never give up, never give in. I've certainly felt like you do on occasion. But I've never been able to become a robot. I've never been able to turn off my heart. Materialism is an empty trap. You think selling out your heart and soul is going to help? I don't think you're that kind of person, just reading what you've written in your bio here. Fuck that, you're better than that. You sell out, the fucking robots win. Don't give them the satisfaction.

Your brain isn't broken, that's robot-think. Your heart isn'

I don't know where this came from, but

[Engineer-Poet]

<hugs>

ARG!!

[WhatMidLife]

(sorry to use a Peanutism for a title)

I've felt some of what you talk about (although I'm not sure who is lashing out against you), but never for as long as you seem to be enduring. I will pray for you (honesty = when I "manage" to do it for myself too).

Referring back, I am also moved by the poetry & poingnancy of many of Rich Mullin's songs; they often honestly speak of the groaning we go through here, but also the confident hope and joy we can and will have in our Deliverer. Don't forget about t