spun's Journal: The honeymoon is over

I've been feeling much less jealous of Mr. Y recently. Except for yesterday when I called my wife at lunch and she said she had to get off the phone, as she was with him. He calls her every night when she's with me, and she doesn't say that to him. But when he understood that this was causing tension, he volunteered not to call while she is with me. Of course, then I felt like a heel and had to explain that it wasn't the calling, but the perceived inequality.

My wife's attitude has shifted a bit, she is no longer completely infatuated with him and they've had an argument or two. She's actually glad, new relationships can be a bit overwhelming. The whole thing has ceased being new and is now just a part of our lives. They are over the initial shakeout period, the hormones have worn off, and they are still into each other.

The whole "I'm gonna run out and find me some casual sex!" thing hasn't really panned out. I was sick all last week and didn't feel like it. Since then, every time I've thought about pursuing that option, I've felt unmotivated, and a little sad. Don't get me wrong, I love sex! But I've never sought out casual sex before and there's a reason. I like deep and meaningful connections with other people, sex for me is a way of deepening connections and sharing something primal with someone I'm into.

I want what she's got. It's funny, I'm not terribly jealous, but I am a bit envious. I don't want casual sex, I want a fun new relationship with someone who shares all my interests. With lots of non-casual sex. And I'm not likely to find that through adultfriendfinder.com. So, it's back to the original plan, going out and doing more of the things I love to do, and meeting people who have similar interests.

I'm sure, if anyone is actually reading any of this, they must be wondering, "Wtf?! Why are you doing this, what are you getting out of it?" Okay, obviously I'm getting the opportunity for sanctioned extra-marital nookie myself.

Beyond that, well, I'm married, not a slave owner. Philosophically, I'm opposed to limiting someone else's freedom to have loving connections with others. Second, my wife is very inexperienced, relationship-wise. I'm the only long term relationship she's had. She has felt fat and unattractive her whole life, though she's anything but. She needed some perspective. Third, there are Mr. Y's issues that I am not at liberty to discuss, but I can say that he has been hurt by some pretty callous and manipulative women and some pretty shitty life circumstances, and she is just what he needs to start healing.

Healing is good. Wounded, frightened, desperate humans scare me. I want sane, happy humans around me. You've got to put your principles into action or you might as well not have them.

Where do the wierdos come from?

[drachenstern]

You'ld think that ACs would miss journals somehow

Re:

[spun]

I had to go look up that movie on wikipedia to even understand what the AC was getting at. Can you believe I've never seen or read The Shining? I never was much of a horror fan, the genre always seemed so cliché. Well, except for Clive Barker, and early Stephen King, which I guess The Shining actually is.

AC?

[NocturnalCritter]

He posted a comment to a journal twelve minutes after the journal entry was posted. I doubt he's been sitting around for a week, refreshing the page to see when there'd be a new entry. Coward, yes, but anonymous? I'd bet he's one of spun's fans.

Hope it works out for you

[smilindog2000]

Sounds like things are pretty rocky. Basically relationships between men and women are all about propagating the species, and I don't really know anyone who has risen above their own genetic programming. Another guy with your wife means your genes are less likely to propagate, and the natural human reaction is to go O.J. Simpson on him. I suppose there are couples out there that can work it out... the whole swingers thing didn't seem to make a lot of people go nuts. Still, you wouldn't even care about s

Re:

[spun]

Oh, yeah. As someone who was born into this situation and had it fail, tearing my family apart when I was three, I would never bring a kid into it unless it had been working solidly for years.

You should read the book, The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff. It shows how societies not impacted by our dominant, hierarchal, violent society have no taboos against things such as homosexuality, incest, and adultery, yet those things happen less often.

Swinging is different than polyamory. Swinging focuses on sex w

Other websites?

[NocturnalCritter]

I don't want casual sex, I want a fun new relationship with someone who shares all my interests. With lots of non-casual sex. And I'm not likely to find that through adultfriendfinder.com.

Have you thought about trying some of the more relationship-oriented websites? eharmony.com is the first one that comes to my mind, but I'm sure there are others I don't know about.

Re:

[spun]

It's possible. There was a polyamory group here in NM a while back, but they appear to be defunct now.