Jealousy Rears its Ugly Head

Journal spun's Journal: Jealousy Rears its Ugly Head 8

Journal by spun on Sunday May 06, 2007 @05:21PM

I never thought I was the jealous type. Share and share alike, right? Sigh. It's never so simple. When you've lived a life like mine, begging every step of the way for the Universe to show you where you still have work to do, you shouldn't be surprised when you get the lessons you ask for.

My wife's relationship with her new lover is going very, very well. They love each other. It's been almost two months, and this is definitely more than a fling. In the beginning things were easy for me. She was on a New Relationship High, and I was getting a lot of the benefit of that, sexually and emotionally.

But New Relationship Highs never last. Eventually relationships either end or transmute as the 'fuck me now' hormones wear off. As those hormones wore off and their relationship entered it's next phaze, I got less of the spill-over of I got less of what it is, I hate to admit, that I really need.

TMI Alert, go ahead and skip this paragraph if you're squeamish about sexuality. High sex drive runs in my family. One benefit of having hippy liberal parents, I guess, is that you can have conversations like that with them without it being too weird. I'm thirty six and I still need, bare minimum, two orgasms a day. I'd prefer more, and at least an hour of skin on skin time. I get grouchy and sullen when I get less.

Anyways, as things cooled off and I was getting less sex than I wanted, I got grouchy and sullen and jealous. Luckily, my wife is very emotionally inelligent by nature. Add to that the fact that I have helped give her the tools and mindset of self actualization over the seven years of our partnership, and we were well equiped to deal with the situation.

Except... except she had told me I needed to be more in touch with my anger. Perfectly acceptable to say given that we both understand that niether of us is the teacher or the student any longer. And true, I don't want to be an angry person, so perhaps I have not looked at it as honestly as I should. Well. Let's just say the last week hasn't been easy on her, either.

I'm coming to a balance. The more you look at an aspect of yourself in a nonjudgemental way, the more you bring it into the domain of consciousness. I'm learning how to stay conscious while being angry, instead of that odd phenomenon where one's consciousness seems to retreat to the back of the skull, to stare in impotant horror at the things one is doing and saying.

It hasn't been easy. Growth takes work. There are no quick fixes, but that's okay because there is no judgement involved in being where you are while you're growing. Everyone is always doing thir best, given the circumstances. We're all right where we need to be, and fuck any little voices that may be trying to tell us different.

Her lover, we'll call him Mr. Y, finally had a good, if somewhat short, face to face with me. It went well, although I'll admit to being more flustered in reality than I was in any of my preparatory imaginings. We're on the same page, for now, and he is a good guy who obviously wants to do the right thing in the situation. Everyone is looking out for each other, so I've upped my estimate of the chances this thing has of working long term.

But we'll see, as in any adult relationship, it has had and will have it's dark and rocky rapids. It's the navigation of those stretches that really defines what a relationship is, not the calm and sunny shallows.

Anyway, the wife, ever the pragmatic one, has a solution. I just need more casual sex. So I joined adultfriendfinders.com yesterday. I've never been much of a swinger, I mean, I've had about forty or so lovers over 18 years of total sexual activity, with 13 of that being monogamous so, 5 years of singledom and around 37 partners, call it 35 as 40 was a guestimate, so seven a year average while being single. That's neither abnormily slutty or celibate for a guy, right?

I have my wife's full support to go out and have casual sex, I'm sorry, but how cool is that? There is the hint that three ways may not be out of the question, either. We'll see how it goes, as I said, I've been in other polyamorous situations before. But swinging is different, and I've never been absolutely blunt and put an ad out saying, essentially, aavailable for sex with women if you like what you see and I do too.

I'm a reasonably attractive guy as it is but this is now a big incentive to trade that twenty pounds of fat back in for the muscle it was before I got married.

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