queenofthe1ring's Journal: Another Wedding Update

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Went home Friday night, because my dress was supposed to be done then. While fiance and I were still trying to get through the traffic to leave town, mom called and said they had to reschedule my appointment for Saturday because the shop was too busy to see me that night.

When mom and I got there Saturday morning, the seamstress told us that apparently she had misbilled us, and they had not done all the alterations. They had the dress a whole month, but did not notice the billing problem, or the fact that it was still all pinned until I got there that morning. They promised the dress would be ready in 2 hours. We came back and I tried it on, and the woman had to make additional changes, which she said would just take a few minutes while we waited, but ended up taking a while. It is at home now. Hopefully it will be ok.

Mom and I picked out a bunch of random stuff to use for table decorations. The central theme is blue/white/silver, but no two tables will be alike. I'm not really sure how to have a unifying element to make them all seem like they sort of go together.

My maid of honor is an absolute love. I wish I had asked her sooner, because she is such a help to me.

I exchanged fiance's suit pants for ones that will (hopefully) fit him better. It was at this point that mom realized that I had bought the suit, and began researching the wedding payment etiquette. Obviously the bride's parents aren't supposed to be paying for everything, and yet right now they are. Fiance's mom hasn't offered to pay for anything (at least as far as I know, I guess she could have asked him, and since he doesn't know/care about weddings, he just told her not to pay for anything). So my mom said she'd pick up the suit, because she feels bad for me paying for it, and now we're both afraid that fiance's going to pay for the rehersal dinner, even though his mom is supposed to. Mom's kind of bent out of shape about it, and so am I. But how do you really say "um, you're supposed to be paying for stuff too"?

Fiance's older half sister apparently asked how the wedding plans were going, and he volunteered that we each had one attendant now. She (as I knew she would) said "oh great! now you can include my kids in the wedding party". *sigh* He apparently got us out of that some how, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time before it comes up again (like everything else that people didn't immediately agree to).

(like the rings, which I bought both of as well in order to end the recurring arguments)

According to the wedding website, there are 31 days left. I don't know how I should feel about that.

Payment "etiquette"

[Some Woman]

The bride and the groom are responible for the entire cost of the wedding as it is their affair. Anybody else who wishes may offer funds if they choose to do so. It is not uncommon for a parent or two to even offer to host the entire wedding. Said funds should be accepted with extreme gratitude. It is never okay to inform somebody that they owe you a gift.

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[Degrees]

My wife and I funded the whole thing. Later, we realized we put about $5,000 on the credit cards for the wedding. Of course, with credit cards, $1 charged is about $1.80 spent....

We did get a nice cash gift from my parents, so that offset a chunk. But we did the whole thing ourselves, because we were calling the shots on where, when, whom. what they got to eat. ;-)

It was probably a little easier for us, because we both had jobs and money wasn't as big a problem as it would be for youngsters just starting

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[account_deleted]

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[queenofthe1ring]

Well, I picked my maid of honor after like 80% of the decisions were already made, and she's 10 hours away, so I guess she's as useful as she can be. Plus she loves me, so you can't go wrong there. I told her she didn't have to throw a shower for me, or if she wanted to she could help the bums that had already cancelled it once, but she emailed me back and asked a bunch of questions about what kind of shower I wanted to have. So I don't know if she talked to them, or if she's doing it on her own, but I

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[account_deleted]

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[Some Woman]

I guess the paying for stuff conversation kind of presupposes we actually talk about the wedding.

Do you talk about the marriage?

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[queenofthe1ring]

Do you talk about the marriage?

Can I say no without me/him/us looking bad?

Essentially we have talked about finances so there shouldn't be any surprises there. Probably some other stuff too, I mean, like what do you mean by marriage?

Sorry if I'm a little incoherent.

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[Some Woman]

I just mean everything that happens after the wedding, because that's the important part. Sounds like you guys have/do, so that's good.

Well, you do seem in a little better place now

[johndiii]

You seem it better shape now. I'm glad, if that is indeed the case.

I was clueless about the wedding planning. :-) And it turned out that I was not as clueful as I thought about the relationship. :-/

Anyway, I didn't have anything to add to this, until I thought of something last night. It ties in somewhat with what I advised a few JEs back: make some good memories. Part of that is the fact that people will keep telling you that it's your day. Wrong. The wedding ceremony is for the community: family,