cyan's Journal: The Return to Innocence

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -- Martin Luther King Jr.

Unfortunately, this week, I was forced to close the store. As you all know, I was exceptionally proud of the store, but there is a point you reach where it's best to stop before a bad situation gets worse. The store was running a deficit for the past three months. That's not a very long time in financial terms -- whole businesses and countries run deficits for dozens of years or longer. I could have kept going, I could have borrowed more money to keep the store floating, but that would only be digging a deeper hole for myself.

Where did I go wrong? I've asked myself this question numerous times over the past month. I've come to the conclusion that it's no coincidence that store income started to drop shortly after my hardware supply ran out. I tried to make up for this in December, by focusing more on customer service and broadening my service base. I began a 'quota' system, largely based on my experience being a bill collector, wherein the store had a quota of 110 billable hours per month.

January saw a total of only 22 billable hours, easily the worst month in store history. February wasn't any better, at 30 billable hours. March, my last month in the store, finished off with a relatively decent 55 hours. Never the less, these figures are all well below the quota. The quota, had it been met, was designed to ensure that all the store creditors would get paid, along with my personal creditors.

Clearly, the quota system didn't work. There just wasn't enough people coming in for service. Nothing short of some expensive marketing campaign would have drove customers in. Computer service customers paid the store bills, but these service customers would never turn the store a profit. The store was at least scraping by in the months since I bought it, so what was the difference?

The answer is in the hardware. My mistake was not keeping a good selection of hardware available for customers to buy. I relied on one source for hardware, and that was a mistake. Everyone knows that you shouldn't keep all your eggs in one basket, and here I did exactly that. There's no shortage of cheap computer equipment out there, I just didn't go out and get it. You'd think I was busy running the store or something.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear. It is no coincidence that the store began to run a deficit right when the hardware supply ran out. That's empirical evidence. It is incontrovertible. Does that mean the store's failure is someone else's fault? No, it's my fault because I didn't diversify my hardware supply. By the time I realized that, it was far too late. Why I didn't realize it until the situation proceeded past the point of no return, I really don't know. I knew that hardware would be key when I bought the store, so why I didn't listen to myself, I don't know.

"A man honours his debts." -- Johnny Soprano

Daniel Negreanu recently posted an entry to his personal journal about an interesting debt situation. He wasn't a party to the situation, but, it's an interesting 'case study', if you will. Without going into a lot of detail, professional poker players love to bet on things. It doesn't matter if it's poker, golf, a hockey game, a game of billiards, who's going to be the next President of the United States.. it doesn't matter. But, one thing understood among all professional poker players is that you honour your debts. There is no excuse for doing otherwise.

In this particular situation, one party agreed to a bet with another. The bet was $300,000. As it turns out, after the bet became due, the losing party claimed that the debt "wasn't fair" and refused to pay it. He claimed that the situation under the bet was unfair and because of that, the debt should be declared void. Of course, this is absurd. If you agree to a debt, then it's your responsibility to pay it. It's that simple.

Between two men, there is never an excuse for not paying a debt.

Unfortunately, the store situation was making it quite difficult for me to live up to my debt-paying responsibilities. People weren't getting paid, companies weren't getting paid, and I sure as heck wasn't getting paid. When you're aboard a sinking ship, it's rather difficult to make deliveries to port, don't you think?

Hence, it made my decision to close the store even easier. I could leave the store and obtain a regular full-time job just like everyone else. Someone of my caliber should easily be making $1,500 or more per paycheque. This would ensure that I could live up to my responsibilities far more quickly than trying to right a sinking business.

Deciding to close the store had nothing to do with running from my debts. It had everything to do with meeting the reality of them head-on.

~Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong~

I'll be 27 years old in less than a week. At this age, I am thoroughly finished with all the low-paying 'emergency' jobs like RMH and NCO. You won't find me pouring coffee at Starbucks, no sir. In order to meet all of my responsibilities, and to further myself, I simply won't accept a job for ten bucks an hour. For someone of my skill and experience, there's simply no excuse.

I'm working on a few leads for jobs, and one in particular looks pretty good. Peer1 Networks is where I originally applied for a job back in 2000, when the whole Michael Savage debacle was going down. Back then, I didn't make the cut. But now, with added experience and some help from the inside, my odds are looking great.

In the worst case scenario, I have a job waiting for me in Alberta. It's guaranteed. I'd be working with an old friend of mine in his own computer business, and hopefully I can take the lessons I've learned here to better his business. In a way, returning to Alberta should have a great calming effect. I'll be able to focus and concentrate on the things that matter. I used to have clarity of thought and purpose, but with things having become complicated lately, my thoughts have become muddy. Plans have become difficult to execute.

Either way you look at it, having a stable job with a stable income will make by debts easier to pay. Heck, after slaving away at the store day after day, regular full-time shifts will be a piece of cake. 12 hour shifts? Four days off in a row? Paid lunch and coffee breaks? Paid vacation time? Bring it on.

It's interesting to note how personalities change when things get complicated. I came to an epiphany that should have been very obvious; a true friend supports you regardless of your course of action. They don't become violent, they don't threaten, and they sure as hell don't make the situation worse than it is. I'm grateful that I have a great group of friends who have been more than helpful in this situation.

I want to thank each and every one of you. Everyone who has been supportive, offered assistance, advice, and went out of their way to make this very difficult situation easier for me to get through. Thank you very much.

~Don't care what people say
Follow just your own way
Follow just your own way
Don't give up, don't give up~

I am continuing to do what I do best. Despite everything that's happened, I am forging ahead with my grand plan. The plan is dynamic and changes depending on the situation, but I always have a plan. After all, it was Eisenhower who said that "plans are useless, but planning is indispensable." What use is a plan unless it is dynamic?

I'm absolutely confident that I will achieve my goals, despite the change in my situation. I gave a good friend of mine 5:1 odds that someone else wouldn't accomplish theirs. A bet in bad taste? Perhaps. But I'm proud of one thing: if I lose the bet, he's confident of the fact that I'll pay the debt in full, like a man.