How2Troll's Journal: Lesson #002: Posting a (good) first post

NOTE: All of the slashbots and editors reading this lesson might be wondering

"WTF! I thought the primary thing to do on Slashdot is get karma! Why are these guys trying to get first posts? Are they gay or something?"

If you are thinking this, you are VARY right and VARY wrong. You are VARY right because most trolls are openly gay. But you are also VARY wrong because the only purpose of Slashdot is not to gain karma, it is to make fun of da evil editors and Slashbots. This is accomplished by trolling, which is too long to explain in this lesson. But the exposure of first posts allow us to make fun of you stupid fucking slashbots and editors very easily.

STEP 1 : Download RDF Fetcher (requires Windows and .NET framework) from this page (second from the top), and install.

STEP 2 : RDF Fetcher makes it VARY easy to get first posts by constantly checking www.slashdot.org for any updates. If it's updated, you are 99% sure it was updated with a new story! If there is a new story, you can be 99% sure there is a new opportunity for a first post, and a mastah troll! (see below for details)

STEP 3 : To be a mastah first post troll, you have to be subtle, as with all trolling. Rather than, "f1rst pr05t, Tux sux0rz teh MSN Butterfly LOL!" (example), say "f1rst pr05t, and the recent kernel updates didn't fix compiling speed any". Just make stuff up! (example) It is still guaranteed to generate a response from an angry pimpled 12 year old (example) upset you said his compiling time was slow.

STEP 4 : There is no step four.

STEP 5 : ???

STEP 6 : PROFIT!!!

Re:you are the angry pimpled 12 year old?

[How2Troll]

heh. thanks for the heads up.

~h2t