Journal Ethelred Unraed's Journal: Christmas and the House of Unraed MMVI 21
Pursuant to SolemnDragon's mentioning of my in-laws, Ethelred will now commence to whining about them. It's what I do so well.
If you slog your way through all this, there's some non-whining stuff further down. Will I actually make it easier to find for you? Hah! Of course not.
So! On with the whining: The elder portions of the House of Unraed, as you may recall, were forced to withdraw from Ye Olde Country to...uh...Ye Newe Country because of the complaints of the elder branch of the House of Unraed (namely, my brother and niece). You may also recall I was coming down with some stomach problem.
Mercifully I didn't get as sick as I had feared -- more like I just felt poorly, but had no diarrhea or vomiting, just constant nausea. BoE got it, too, with similar results; the kids seem to have been spared.
So a couple days before Christmas Eve, BoE got a guilty conscience and invited her family over for the gift-giving on Christmas Eve (the traditional time in most of Germany). For my part I was a bit surprised that she hadn't (yet) invited them, and was assuming all along they were coming. I more or less reminded BoE to ask them by asking when they were arriving. Stupid me.
It was also partly a quid pro quo, because it turns out BoE's original idea (which she had told me, but in all the stress of my work I'd gotten it garbled in my head) was we'd celebrate Christmas Eve alone, then go to her parents for a day on the 25th or 26th...except our car suddenly starting acting strangely, so I was leery of driving anywhere outside of Hannover. So no drive to her parents' place. Thus BoE gets a guilty conscience and invites them over. Oh well.
(Side note: If a car stutters a lot and is *extremely* sluggish, with a very low idle, and it doesn't seem to want to get going in first gear, but once it's warmed up after about 10 minutes it acts more or less normally -- any guesses what it is? My dad suspected dampness in the ignition, but it seems to do it when it's dry but also doesn't always do it when it's very damp out...lately it's acting normally again, but I'm still nervous about it.)
Anyway, we had asked them in advance to not go crazy with presents like they did the previous two years. In fact BoE extracted an agreement from them that the kids would just get a play kitchen (the Confessor likes to cook) and various add-ons for it, for which my parents and the in-laws would share the cost. My parents (who also went a bit off the deep end last year, but not too badly) generally stuck to that. Not only that, but my mom suggested taking (and took) BoE along to shop so BoE could approve whatever she bought.
Needless to say, the in-laws showed up with a big case full of presents for the kids. They probably would have brought more, except they drive a little two-door Opel and couldn't fit more in there.
They also showed up with some odd presents for BoE and myself. BoE got one present from them: some cheap underwear. (Worse, the stuff isn't even cotton, and BoE has skin problems with synthetics.) I got a bottle of German champagne ("Sekt"), which...er...I really don't like at all, and after knowing me for 13 years I'd think they'd know that by now, but OK, they tried. Not sure what they're trying to say, except it's odd that they apparently regard BoE even lower than they do me.
They were their usual thoroughly unhelpful selves while here, such as laughing at our expense whenever we had to discipline the kids (which of course just eggs the kids on), openly contradicting us in front of them, etc. etc. etc. Not surprisingly, the kids have been a handful since.
I will give SIL credit: She gave me a nice calendar with pictures of stained-glass windows, and she gave the kids some books (they love to read). BoE was pleased with the candle glasses she got from SIL. So at least SIL did well, even if her parents are royal PITAs, and she generally behaved herself.
The tons of presents the in-laws got for the kids turned out to be loads and loads of cheap junk. Some of the toys (mostly toy trucks, cars and construction equipment) literally disintegrated. The Confessor brought me one of the trucks, asking me to fix it; as I tried to snap a piece of the container back into place, the wheels came off and the support for the container also fell off. The boxes also all clearly said "starting at 6 years", while the Confessor isn't even 3 and Gloriana (who, as you may recall, already was at the hospital once after choking on something) is a year and a half. So much for buying appropriate toys and keeping the presents in check.
Wouldn't it have made more sense to spend the same money on fewer, but nicer and more appropriate, presents -- let alone respecting our wishes not to have so many presents? Or am I just being an ungrateful dick?
I've considered donating the toys to charity, but in all seriousness I've thought that might not be a good idea, because then some other kid will get the pieces down their throat. We may still do it that way, but I don't have a good feeling about it at all.
And the kids unsurprisingly got bored during the gift-giving, just like last year. In the end they didn't finish opening presents until the next day. And -- I have to admit I felt a bit of Schadenfreude at this -- they were rather more interested in the kitchen than in the toys the in-laws brought along, which isn't surprising because that's what the Confessor asked for. (I tried to encourage him to wish for a thermonuclear warhead, but unfortunately he's not able to pronounce "thermonuclear" just yet.)
Thus BoE afterwards muttered that next year we are 1) doing the presents on Christmas morning, not Christmas Eve (seems to be better for the kids), and 2) the in-laws are staying home.
One "awwwww" moment: I got myself a new Washington Nationals ballcap and at the same time ordered a kid-sized one for the Confessor, which I hid away and BoE wrapped for me. He unwrapped it and was delighted to have a cap like Daddy's new one, and proudly wore it all evening. The next day he wanted to dress just like Daddy for church, too, and so we did, more or less (we have similar sweaters and shirts). Moments like that really make it worth being a dad, that's for sure.
The Confessor also cracked us up by warbling his own renditions of Christmas carols, including such previously unknown hits as "Rude off the red-hosed ranger" and "Jingabel". And he really enjoyed watching The Grinch Who Stole Christmas with us (last year he was still too young and didn't really get it), and also watched A Christmas Carol with George C. Scott with us -- a bit long for him, but he sat through nearly all of it.
Meanwhile, Gloriana began the Christmas season by threatening to overtake her brother in the potty-training sweepstakes. Remember she's 18 months younger, but she already went pee in the potty. The Confessor, meanwhile, actually seems to enjoy that warm feeling between the legs. *sigh*
Gloriana also made Daddy a little Christmas present just by rattling off a few new clearly English words, and by snuggling with him at every opportunity. (Warning to future potential suitors of Gloriana: Your future father-in-law will demand castration as the price of marriage, assuming you even get that far, though you may freeze some sperm in advance to produce grandchildren, after which you are expected to clear off.)
The Christmas Eve service at church was also lovely -- I ended up being thurifer, so I got a healthy blast of incense. In fact BoE gave me a small tabletop censer for Christmas, with some incense to go with it.
The Christmas Day service ended up being unintentionally funny: We have a (remarkably realistic-sounding) digital organ that also has a remote control and can be set up with MIDI files for playback. (It sounds lame, but trust me, aside from the pauses between verses, it sounds very real.) Anyway, some of the kids got a bit rowdy during the service, so the priest's wife took them (including their kids) into the priest's office so they could play without distracting the others. Sometime later, the priest was giving his sermon, and all of a sudden the organ launches into a song full-blast. Everyone turned around and looked at the organist, who had a priceless look of utter panic, saying "I didn't do anything! I didn't do anything!" as he frantically shut down the organ. Turns out the priest's young son (a couple months older than Gloriana) had gotten his hands on the remote and was happily pushing buttons. Later on the priest teased the organist by saying he thought the organist was trying to tell him to get on with the sermon.
What's additionally funny is that this sort of thing is kinda normal at our church. No one seems to mind -- in fact people seem to find it charming how this little high church bunch has everything go slightly awry.
So Merry Christmas thus far (as pointed out in Sol's JE, it ain't over yet!) and a Happy and Prosperous New Year to the following persons:
- gmhowell (hope you got some time with Joe over Christmas, preferably lawyerless)
- SolemnDragon, who shall be my viceroy in less than two years (incinerate in '08!)
- Em Emalb (get back here, you clod!)
- the foolish mortals at Digital Medics (who read my journal but who are too cowardly to log in)
- Teh Smooch, who I swear we shall convert to Eckankar by the end of 2007
- Some Woman, who I swear will beg to bear my children by...uh...how high do years go?
- SiliconJesus, whom I just remembered I owe an e-mail and some thanks
- All of these people and especially these people
Imperially yours,
ETHELRED DEI GRATIA IMPERATOR AETERNUS (IPSO FACTO)
Do you REALLY want an answer to this question? (Score:2)
Um....no, you just expect others to respect your wishes on how your kids are raised/treated.
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(Said as i contemplate dinner alone with my father-out-law, as blinder may be stuck at the office.)
Bear in mind, i think in-laws and grandparents should be kept as far from the young'uns as possible.
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Said as i contemplate dinner alone with my father-out-law, as blinder may be stuck at the office.
Ouch.
If I had to spend lunch with my in-laws sans BoE, I think I'd end up stabbing myself with the cutlery. (She tends to act as a sort of lightning rod for them when they're around, and they mostly ignore me. When she's not around, things get...interesting.)
Thus I feel your pain...
Bear in mind, i think in-laws and grandparents should be kept as far from the young'uns as possible.
Actually, I have t
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Car problems (Score:2)
My guess is that the hamsters in your engine are wearing out. You should go forthwith and obtain a fairly large number of new hamsters; if you need help installing them you can ask the people at the pet store for help. Any pet store worth a damn should have a good sized funnel and broomstick to help get them into your gas tank. You can substitute gerbils for the hamsters, but they are harder to install, as they tend to jump around alot more.
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I strenuously reject your sickening suggestion that I use gerbils or hamsters in such an inhumane way.
My car is powered by clubbing baby seals anyway.
Cheers,
Ethelred
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On a serious tip, your car problems sound like moisture in the fuel tank. Most auto stores sell moisture removing additives.
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On a serious tip, your car problems sound like moisture in the fuel tank. Most auto stores sell moisture removing additives.
Hmm...maybe, but the car also seems to do it when it's dry out as well.
BoE says it's done it to her off and on over the past few months, but she never mentioned it to me until very recently, while it only did it to me for the first time last week (I drive it much more than BoE does). BoE thought it was something she was doing wrong, so she never mentioned it...I've driven the car
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Also, if the car is newer and fuel injectors can get clogged. While you're getting the moisture remover, you can get some injector cleaner. If it's an older car it coul
Response part two (Score:2)
I loved that at the end of the Thurible wikipedia article is:
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The first time I was to be thurifer, I asked the priest if I could swing the thurible around and whack people on the head during the service with it. Sort of as a ranged weapon.
He was strikingly amenable to the idea, but pointed out that this could scare away people from the services, drying up our contributions. I am distressed to note that he may have a point.
More seriously, the priest used to be a thurifer himself and is pretty handy with the thurible. We're talking sling-it-like-nunchucks handy. I w
Massive Multiphase Viral Infection? (Score:2)
Merry Christmas! (I prefer dragging it out after to stressing out before - perhaps its a Catholic sort of thing)
I suppose that you could try getting the in-laws a huge number of shoddy presents next year. Perhaps that would communicate the message that you desire. Unfortunately, there is no real cure except to have siblings distract them with younger children.
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Merry Christmas! (I prefer dragging it out after to stressing out before - perhaps its a Catholic sort of thing)
Same back to you. Well, we stretch it out as well, though I don't know if you'd call us Catholic (we would, but them Romans wouldn't ;-) ).
We do try to maintain the Twelve Days tradition as much as possible, though in practice we draw it out to 57 Days or so. (Unfortunately our tree is already drooping so badly we probably won't make it as long as usual -- we'll be lucky to make it to Epipha
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That's sad. Very sad. Anything you can do?
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Well, given that I'm divorced, you may be more Catholic than I am. I don't know what His Heiligeness would say, but I think that we ought to be focused more on commonalities than differences. But my Papal authority exists only in the future. :-D
Who says we can't skip straight from XXIII to DIII? I mean, it's not like Rome hasn't skipped numbers on Popes John before. [wikipedia.org] ;-)
(I still find it amusing that "DIII" translates to 503. There is a certain Zen to that.)
That's sad. Very sad. Anything you can do?
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Well, given that I'm divorced, you may be more Catholic than I am.
I forgot to mention one other thing. I'm not sure that divorce is necessarily incompatible with being Catholic, no matter what Rome says. The Orthodox certainly count as "catholic" (in the ecclesiastical sense of the word) and they allow for divorce (though not unlimited -- usually up to two marriages are tolerated); so do the Old Catholics and most Anglicans. Christ did allow for divorce under certain circumstances, so it's a mystery to
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Spot on car advice! (Score:2)
Try getting a high performance battery gasket. It will help keep the electrons from leaking out. And if you see a puddle of oil don't worry as your car is merely sweating horsepower!
My car had a similar problem. It would start great and run great, but if I shut off the car and let it cool down it would run really crappy. The problem ended up being a little part that cost about $150 that sensed when the car was warm and when the car was cold. It apparently spaz
were you incensed at all? (Score:2)
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Will you be here all week?
Cheers,
Ethelred