bellus quies's Journal: Of communication and relocation

Hmm, stuff

Well, things are going pretty well. I was really impressed that last night I was able to have good discussion about a touchy topic with my boyfriend and it didn't escalate into an argument. Communication is tough, especially avoiding criticism, contempt, defensiveness or stonewalling (called the 4 horsemen of the Apocalypse by John Gottman in his books). I find it hard too trying to keep calm and trying to actively use the communications skills that I'm trying to master.

It was a talk about how my beau and I are going to handle the escalating problems with his sisters. As his older sister is being stubborn and cruel, saying things akin to that she's not going to consider him a friend anymore and that he's a bad brother. And I see how it's difficult for him that his sister's are rejecting me when he's integrated so smoothly into my own family. My beau frequently calls my sisters and they him. They get along very well and this weekend of the 4th he's of course coming along to the quasi-family reunion camping trip. Because it wouldn't be the same without him there.

However his sister can't understand why he's going because "they're not family". And how he's put so much energy into visiting my family without visiting his own. Now my boyfriend admits this as true as he hasn't visited her, always her travelling to him. So in the next week or two he's going to visit her for a weekend on a trip of diplomacy to try and smooth things out with her.

Also there's the issue of how I want to move out of Texas, and him as well. Well at least until last weekend, when he talked to his dad. Now it's the consensus that it'll be easier to fix things with his sisters while in the same state and that moving 1500 miles away will just escalate things. I do agree with that, it just leaves me feeling a bit trapped in the mean time. I really don't like the feeling of being excluded and disliked, that I get from his sisters and best friend. It does make me want to leave post haste, because I just figure why put up with that kind of negative energy. (Oh and my beau says that his best friend doesn't dislike me, he just feels uncomfortable around me...I don't' really understand this. I know there's something underlying the discomfort and what that is?!? Whatever)

Anyway. I'm really looking forward to these upcoming 5 days in Portland. I really need a vacation. And who knows, maybe Portland will blow the socks off my beau and he'll want to move there post haste. Ya, wishes. I don't even know if I want to move there yet. And my boyfriend's even more uncertain of things. He's right now torn on how he feels the need to go to Australia fro 4 months on a working vacation because he doesn't want to regret not going. Because he keeps talking about how he wished that he would have done it while in college, taken off abroad over the summer and not have any other responsibilities but to explore. That the rub. He has responsibilities now that he didn't then, namely me. That he's not wanting to regret something else completely, now unseen, if he does go off abroad. He's always had the idea floating off in his head of going off by himself (camping or whatnot) to find himself. So ya, the 4 months would be without me.

I'm not sure what's going to happen. Because I'll do the long distance thing if it's what he needs to be a better person. But I will not do the take a break thing. I think that's bullshit. Take me or leave me, I won't put up with second guessing. SO another possibility that I foresee is that I'll take the job in Portland and move in with my sister while my beau is out on his walkabout. Then we'll find a new place in Portland, to give the city a whirl and see if it fits.

Yep, a lot on my mind. Vacation beckons.