Journal rdewald's Journal: The Year in Review 1
No, not the meme. That one didn't appeal to me. This is in response to SW's plea for words. I can't leave Bethanie out there all be herself to maintain the verbiage, even though she is more than up to the task.
This time last year I was struggling with a weight-loss plateau that still vexes me. So, some time in mid-year I just stopped struggling. I have not achived all of my weight loss goals, but I have achieved a number of them, so I just turned my attention to other things until the urge to recommit to the effort arises naturally. I sense inklings of just such a re-emergence, particularly recently.
As I think back to last year at this time, I was working at a job that was doomed to end (it was a temp position) on a project that was doomed to fail (executive leadership was not committed to it). This year, I find myself employed in a job that I love, a permanent position that will be there as long as I want it, doing something that I am not only good at but would do for free if my circumstances permitted it. So, thumbs up on the career front. I could stand to be making more money, but I'm making a lot more than a lot of people, and considering my expensive environment (which makes my effective income a bit less), I'm doing okay given the twists and turns I went through to find my way here.
Personally, I have also made leaps and bounds. I am much happier with myself. When I come into intimate enough contact with other people to know their existential pain, I find that I have quite a bit less of it in comparison these days. I have spent a lot of money on psychotherapy, more than was spent on my college education, and I do not regret a penny of it. On the contrary, I feel incredibly fortunate to have found my therapist and to have had the means to pay her for her work.
I have some significant challenges at work, my leggy Buddhist supermodel of a job has turned out to have an eating disorder, high credit card debt and a penchant for not communicating well, but she still has plenty of charm to make rolling up my sleeves and working out our relationship well worth the effort.
When I first moved to NYC, one problem I had was friends. I didn't have any. That problem was persisting even as late as last year, but in the last year I have had an explosion of friends in my life, so much so that I now have problems giving them all the attention they deserve. I also have the luxury of letting friendships that are less than rewarding pass away naturally. I had a half dozen New Year's Eve party invitations this year, this will be the first New Year's Eve in many years that I won't spend alone.
I made one New Year's Resolution last year: to completely abstain from the intentional ingestion of High Fructose Corn Syrup. I did it. All I really missed was using ketchup when eating out. Not a penny of my food dollars went to companies that put their own profits ahead of the consumer's well-being with regard to choice of sweeteners. That feels good.
That's what a New Year's Resolution should be, something achievable, a small change that has a big effect, something that it might take a year to see the benefits of.
It has also been a good year for my Buddhist practice. My deliberate efforts at cultivating compassion and loving-kindness (through regular Buddhist practice) have paid rich dividends in both my personal and professional life. My employer tells me they've never received so many positive family letters written about a nurse in so short a time. I'm also pleased that I have enough perspective on life to not let that go to my head. Compassion and empathy are energies that one can be a channel for, but not the source. That is, its not something I do, its something I allow. It takes effort to learn how to be truly compassionate, that is, to make a connection to another human as an equal and peer, not shouldering their suffering, but being present with them, knowing it could be you, or might be you some day, and just connecting upon the axis of shared humanity. It's not a doing, it's a being.
So, as I sit here in a Starbucks on Broadway and 112th, amongst Columbia students, four different languages being spoken in earshot (English, Japanese, Spanish and French), sipping a caffe americano, it is with no small amount of personal satisfaction that I get ready to turn the page on 2005. Things are good.
So, what would I like to be looking back on in a year? That's simple. A relationship with a suitable candidate for a life partner.
Cheers.
Happy New Year (Score:2)