Journal frankie's Journal: Have a True Christmas 6
(2005) Here's the latest bout of hilarity from the same folks who told us that feminists were to blame for the 9/11 attacks, just perfect for roasting on an open fire...
Jerry Falwell's "Liberty Council" has declared that you're either with him or against him, and any store who greets customers with "Happy Holidays" is an enemy. Apparently millions of traitors are secretly conspiring to eliminate Christmas trees, which inevitably leads to euthanasia and gay marriage. That makes perfect sense, doesn't it?
Interestingly, both history and the Bible almost agree with Jerry: ALL Christmas trees are a pagan plot.
Thus saith the LORD, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them.
For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe.
They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not.
The custom of evergreen decorations began with wreaths for the roman Saturnalia, a drunken orgy on December 25th. Pope Julius I shrewdly moved the birthday of Jesus to the same day so that roman converts could continue to hold their winter parties.
A bit to the north, Germanic pagans had a similar ornament tradition. They would hang slaves on pine trees as sacrifices to the gods for their 12 days of Yule.
Meanwhile, although good old Santa Claus bears a small resemblance to the byzantine Saint Nicholas, he actually has a lot more in common with Norse mythology. The god Odin would travel the world during Yuletide on his flying eight-legged horse Sleipnir. If good viking children put a boot by the chimney with hay or carrots in it, Sleipnir would land on the roof to eat, and Odin refilled the boot with candy.
By the way, the real St Nick didn't ride a sleigh at Xmastime. He was known for trying to stop executions and for paying the dowries of three girls so their poor father wouldn't sell them to a brothel.
Hmm... it seems like this holiday that Jerry is fighting mad to defend, really isn't about Christianity to begin with. So where do we go from here? What should we do on Christmas?
In the spirit of holiday cheer, I have the perfect gift suggestion for that special missionary on your list. They should have a subscription to Playboy magazine, honoring their second-favorite pagan ritual! Surely they must know that the springtime festivals of both Eostre (sexy Teutonic goddess of fertility) and Ishtar (sexy Babylonian goddess of fertility) were celebrated with bunnies and eggs.
You might need to help connect the dots for them, but after they figure it out I'm sure they'll thank you. With a gift of Playboy, you'll make their holidays truly "conservative" by going back to original meanings. That makes perfect sense, doesn't it?
On the other hand, reviving their interest in orgies or blood sacrifice probably isn't such a good idea. Instead it might be better to follow a few simple words of wisdom:
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store."
"Maybe Christmas... perhaps... means a little bit more!"
Please pass this festive blessing along. Happy Holidays to all!
Jeremiah 10 and the Christmas Tree (Score:2)
http://www.orlutheran.com/html/chrtree.html [orlutheran.com]
Re:Jeremiah 10 and the Christmas Tree (Score:2)
You may as well celebrate Christmas by strapping on some goatskin leggings and dancing merrily around a burning pentagram. Nothing sinful about that either.
Hmmm (Score:2)
Somehow yule tidings will never mean the same thing to me again. Thanks for the entry, very interesting!
p.s. I wish I had the link someone else gave me of the Jesus Christmas paper; tasteless yet thought provoking at the same time.
Roman Holidays a.k.a. Federal Holiday (Score:1)
This is no different from today... the party animals in office just broke up one holiday into two day for an extra day of... Now we just do the evergreen thing on December 25th and the orgy thing on January 1st. I applaud the Federal Government for such foresight.
Tirade circulating the Internet (Score:1)
A kindred spirit of sorts