bellus quies's Journal: The Mother Fuckers didn't let me out yet!!!!

Letter I just received today in response to the letter of resignation I mailed out.
..............................

Dear Sister (my supercool last name),

I have been asked to acknowledge your recent letter in which you request that your name be removed from the membership records of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I have also been asked to inform you that the Church considers such a request to be an ecclesiastical matter that must be handled by local priesthood leaders before being processed by Church employees. Therefore, your letter and a copy of this reply are being sent to ( list name of local leaders, yes plural) They will contact you concerning the fufilment of your request.

In view of the eternal concequences of such an action, the Bretheren urge you to reconsider your request and to prayerfully consider the enclosed statement of the First Presidency.

Sincerly,
(blah blah)
Supervisor, Member and Statistical Records

(The pamphlet they enclosed, quoted verbatim, because I just couldn't make this stuff up.)

Come back. Stand with us. Feast at the table laid before you in The Church of Jesus Crist of Latter-day Saints and strive to follow the Good Shepherd.

An Invitation to Come Back

We reach out to members of the Church throughout the world in a spirit of love and brotherhood inspired by the Lord Jesus Christ.

Our interest and concern are always with the individual man or woman, boy or girl. Our great responsibility is to see that each is remembered and nourished by the good word of God" Moroni 6:4. If anay have been offended, we are sorry. Our only desire is to cultivate a spirit of mercy and kindness, of understanding and healing. We seek o follow the example of our Lord who "went about doing good" Acts 10:8

To you who for any reason find yourselves outside the embrace of the Church, we say come back. We invite you to return and partake of the happiness you once knew. You will find many with outstretched arms to welcome you, assist you, and give you comfort.

The Church needs your strength, love, loyalty, and devotion. The course is fixed and certain by which a person may return to the full blessings of Church membership, and we stand ready to recieve all who wish to do so.

Sincerely Yours,
The First Presidency

....................................

Mother Fuckers!! Respect my fucking decision. I don't want to have to take legal action. But I fucking will if I have to to get all this crap behind me for good.

Eternal consequences?

[Some Woman]

Oooooooo...scary. :^P

Guide for leaving

[BWJones]

My wife pointed this site [mormonnomore.com] out to me to refer you to. It essentially documents what you have already experienced and outlines what will likely happen from here.

Re:Guide for leaving

[bellus quies]

Tell your wife that she's realy sweet and that we think along the same lines...as that was the site that I got the info for the letter that I sent last week.

Can't you get excommunicated?

[bethanie]

I mean, isn't there *some*thing so vile, so reprehensible, that they'll just KICK you out and tell you never to come back?

I don't know about you, but considering the possibilities and the *fun* I could have trying is just too tempting! I may have to become Mormon just so I can play out the fantasy. :-)

Good luck, Sister!

....Bethanie....

Re:Can't you get excommunicated?

[bellus quies]

Ya I know.. I've been thinking of all the excommunicable things that I enjoy...I live with my boyfriend, frequent Starbucks, I enjoy all types of booze, cigars rock, and I like to suck cock. All things that aren't condoned by the Church. Ya, they capitalize "Church" in the letter, because they think there's only One. Whatever.

Re:Can't you get excommunicated?

[bethanie]

Maybe they could use a little videographic documentation of all those things, you know, to CONVINCE them of how evil you are.

But then again, did you ever think that maybe that's exactly the sort of desperate measure they WANT you to attempt? That maybe they have a whole storeroom full of "excommunication" materials where they go to "pray for the souls of the damned"? ;-)

....Bethanie....

P.S. I'm *so* with ya on the sucking cock thing. I could never belong to a religion that wasn't like TOTALLY in favor

Re:Can't you get excommunicated?

[Abm0raz]

P.S. I'm *so* with ya on the sucking cock thing. I could never belong to a religion that wasn't like TOTALLY in favor of it.

What a coincidence. Let me send you a pamphlet on the initiation rituals of the First Church of Abm0raz the Devine. The actual procedures are confidential to the members, but let's just say I'd leave with a smile on my face and you'd leave with something else on yours... ;)

-Ab

Re:Can't you get excommunicated?

[Ethelred Unraed]

Aye, 'tis better to give than receive.

Cheers,

Ethelred

Re:Can't you get excommunicated?

[bethanie]

Yes! Please send me information on how to be come one of your Annointed!

....Bethanie....