dubiousdave's Journal: empty

A wonderful woman loved me and gave me all her heart, and I didn't know what to do with it. She used to tell me that I restored her faith in humanity, but now she's more certain than ever that people are just hopelessly stupid.

Nothing happened. I didn't cheat on her or say mean things to her. We didn't fight. She just loved me without reservation, and I couldn't figure out how to do the same. I was just me -- calm, reserved, half-assed. It's the third time in my life I've really hurt someone by loving them just enough to hurt them, but not enough to make them, or me, happy.

If I ever whine again about the curse of being "just friends", shoot me in the fucking head. Maybe those girls were smarter than I thought. One of the problems with getting a late start in dating, as I did, is that it's harder to learn and the stakes are higher as you get older. You've already built up walls, even if you don't know it -- even if you've had no real reason in your life.

The house didn't feel this empty the first night I had it, when I bought an air mattress and slept on the floor because I felt that I was no longer welcome in my friend's house. It didn't feel this empty after they hauled blue's body out and the homicide detectives left me alone.