bellus quies's Journal: Counseling: Monday recap

Well I went to the therapist last night. She is a small grandma type lady in a nondescript rented room in a buisness building. I was allready pretty emotionally worked up from the day thinking of what to talk about. So I went through alot of tissues talking to her.

She seemed nice and I felt comfortable talking with her, and would give her a 6.5 on a 10 scale. That she would be adequate (and inexpensive), but not exceptional. So I scheduled an appointment with her for this Thursday ofr both of us to go see her. And I also contacted another therapist who specializes in both couples counseling and chronic illness. So hopefully she will get back to me soon. But to help things out in the interim there's lady#1.

And I really want things to get better because my boyfriend seems like he's hit critical mass of talking about things, adn he gets uptight and frustrated when I try to discuss relationship issues with him.

Like the other night when I was talking to him about how I wanted to trust him and believe in him. That I didn't want to write him off like I have my mom. Because she just doesn't keep her promises. He didn't really sleep well that night, but I didn't find out untill two days after that that it was because he was upset at the possibility of me resenting him. That he was afraid of it and absolutly didnot want the relationship to get to that place. I agreed with him, I don't either, which is why I'm putting all this effort into solving our communication and other issues now before we go further and move to a new city and buy a house.

I just wish that I knew a way to convey my feelings and needs to him without raising his hackles. I really hope that I find that key before this all explodes in my face. Because it's getting messy. And I really care about my boyfriend and want to work things out. But I also realise that it won't work unless he puts some effort into this. And I wish that he'd just try and understand my point of view without the 'but'. Such as..."I'm sorry sweetie that my friend was an insensitive ass and hurt your feelings, but you know why he's insensitive so you shouldn't let it get to you like that"...Just the first half is all I want, the addition of the second part diminishes the validity of the emotions that I was feeling.