t0qer's Journal: Throw me a fucking bananna

Well today some alien buttplug decided to go and post a comment on how if I was his sysadmin and I was pissed at his stupidity he would throw me out a window. Comment link is below..
Any sysadmin ever gets uppity with me over a simple question gets their pasty, gangly ass tossed out the nearest window.

http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=37501&cid=4020342

This again shows HOW UTTERLY MORONIC AND CRO MAGNON LIKE THE GENERAL USER POPULACE IS!

What next? Is bush going to give special incentives to companies that hire retards for executive positions? This guy must be really fucking stupid.

So while i'm here, writing in my journal, I think i'll take another exerpt out of my troubled childhood years for you...

I found out by watching my father, and watching myself, that violent people really feed on the fear they instill. They look forward to beating people up in some sick sadistic way.

When I say beatings, I mean a real fucking beating over stupid shit and not a spanking. Here's a list of some of the shit I got beat for.

1. My chemist father one day brought his buddies to work, they were using the company scales to divide up a kilo of coke they just bought. I got beat because I wandered, normally my wandering was an accepted behavior. My father went out to my usual spot (dry ice bin outside) and without warning dragged me back inside by my hair while beating me with a belt. I was 7. I remember his asshole friends/cousin saying "Yeah you kid needed a beating, we'll come watch you beat him anytime"

My beatings usually went like this.
Dad explodes
I start crying before the initial blow
I am restrained by my hair, or arm (usually lifted a foot off the ground while my head was smashed into a wall repeatedly)
Belt lashings ensued
Punching and kicking

Followed by the all time classic, "It hurt me more than it did you"
and some DMSO applied to the welts to cover them up.

It got to the point where I began applying my own DMSO. I don't know WTF DMSO is other than it was written on the lab bottle my dad kept in the medicine cabinet.

This is the violence pattern. It was etched in my head, now i'm 30 years old sortin all this stuff out. Thanks dad! Maybe someday I can return the favor huh? How about I wait till you're too weak to fight back and I do it to you?

See, that's cowardice, I am a cowardly person like my father.

I often got blamed for the family treating my father as a black sheep, but it was ultimately HIS behavior (violent, cooked crank in the basement, bad father)

Somehow, I overcame this stuff enough to float in the corporate world for 7 years as a sysadmin. This latest unemployment lul brought me to a depression where I began re-examining myself and asking these questions and then some.

I'm hard on myself because of it. I realize that the behavioral/social problems i've had in life are largely due to my childhood decision to pretend nothing ever happened. It's been biting me in the ass real hard as of late.

I don't fault my family for shunning me, I was weird, my dad was weird, who want's their kids around that?

So now I try and be like them. 29, I own my house, i'm married with no plans on ever divorcing, and i'm constantly examining myself for self improvement. It's a hard thing to look yourself in the eye and realize that all that rebelling you did to not be like your parents, made you just like them.

The only way to evolve past my parents is to shatter every and all delusions that there was ever a good bone in their bodies. I have to completely cut myself off from them if I don't want them saying something that can tailspin me back into their mold.

"Dad what's that you're doing in the basement?" I said about the ether smelling concoctions cooking in the basement.

"Oh I just brought some work home!" Yeah fucking right, i've never heard of a chemist doing that. When you're 7 you got no clue that

Basement lab smellin of ether + father never sleeps + 4k stuffed behind a brick in the fireplace = krank lab

Well, anyways I equate that poster with my father. Abusive anonymous coward with no concept of law or morality. I hope he loses his job.

--toq