Adventures at Home Depot

Been meaning to write this one for a while, but you know how time is. The following is an account of a...misadventure had by myself, OctobrX and Rob Walker of VA Research while at the Atlanta Linux Showcase (which was great, BTW). None of the names have been changed, because, well, no one's an innocent these days. Click below for the story.

So, it's the end of the Atlanta Linux Showcase. OctobrX, Rob Walker from VA Research and I are sent on a mission. VA has come along with enough computers to crack the RC5 challenge in a few seconds. Add in a bunch of big monitors, letting lots of people (like us) use their machines in their booth, and one kick-butt looking booth, and they have a shipping nightmare.

I came back from visiting around, and found Rob and OctobrX talking about going to Office Max to pick up shipping plastic. This stuff is like the Samsonite of saran wrap. If you've been to one of the mega-stores and seen their pallets wrapped in this plastic wrap, that's the stuff. You could wrap bodies in this and ship them all over the world--or 21" monitor boxes. Whichever. VA had a distinct lack of this wrap-that is, zero. Rob had been sent on a mission to get it, and since OctobrX was a local, he was co-opted for geographical knowledge. I was just along for the ride.

First stop was the area Office Max. Despite what appeared to be an abundance of office supply products, we met with along zeros when asking about the location of this particular type of shipping material. Rob went so far as to ask the store personnel, who responded with the ever witty "Well, if's not out there, then we don't have it. I don't know who has it. Try Office Depot, or Home Depot."

Never to be stopped in our valiant quest for massive amounts of what is essentially really big saran wrap, OctobrX hurtled up this through rush hour Atlanta traffic, until we pulled around the hill to Avalo....er...Home Depot. Draped across the front of the store was a massive sign stating in exciting letters "Open 24 hours a day". Up in the front, Rob began to drool excitedly at the thought of a 24/7 Home Depot, and verbally fell over himself trying to describe the elation and ecstasy that he felt in his heart. If only he knew the toils and troubles this store would bring down on us.

We entered the store and began excitedly looking at all of the wrapping plastic--ladders, paint, people...er, no. Every pallet in the place had this wrapping plastic around it. We began searching the store for the locale of this fabled substance. One issue-this Home Depot was approximately the size of the greater Chicago land area-I figure it had to be at least two or three thousand acres large. We wandered up and down, admiring the high quality designer plumbing supplies, and finding rolls of the plastic wrapping sitting on top of different products.

Rob, being the ever-resourceful individual that he is, took one as a, ah, "prop". We asked where we could find more and were directed down the main aisle. Here we met Jerome. Jerome would be our contact for the reminder of our Home Depot adventure. Upon encountering him, Rob asked excitedly where we could buy some of this amazing stuff.

The word from on was that we couldn't.

No, apparently this material which was used extensively throughout the store for exactly what we wanted it for--wrapping products, was reserved solely for use within the store. More and more employees gathered around as we began to hold a heated "discussion" about whether or not we could obtain said product.

Even with offers of bribery in the air, Jerome stood firm. After more begging, pleading, and wheedling, we managed to get the manager on the phone. Jerome, OctobrX, and myself stood by while watching Rob on the phone.

For those of you who have never had the pleasure of watching Rob in action, imagine the most persuasive phone voice you've ever heard, combined with someone who will never let you get a word in edgewise, and has that know-it-all voice developed from years of tech support.

It doesn't even come close to Mr. Rob Walker. The phone is putty in his hands.

After literally fifteen minutes of watching Rob, talking about the convention, /. and themes and Linux with the assorted employees gathered to watch the spectacle, the manager was finished with Rob, and wanted to speak with Jerome. Jerome talked, looked at us a few times, and then hung up the phone.

To get a clear picture of this, you should understand Jerome is not a small man. Jerome is stout, well-muscled guy. So's Trae, but hey, it's Jerome's store. Jerome turns to and says in a somewhat gravelly voice: "I'm supposed to escort you out of the store."

Rob looks a little surprised and responded with "No, you don't mean it, right?"

Jerome shook his head, smiles, and told us to follow him-Rob had managed to convince the manager of the value the Home Depot was supplying to us, faithful customers, and what a service they were doing for the community. Well, probably some of that, but also just trying to get Rob off the phone probably had a good deal to do with it as well.

Smiling like me after three or four shots Bushmills, we walked through the store. Rob and Jerome vanish for a few moments, we get our plastic priced, and leave the store. We walked back in a few minutes later to give to Jerome the VA, themes, /., and freshmeat shirt on my back.

So, only a good ninety minutes afterwards, we returned to the convention center, victories warriors. Bottom line is that Jerome of the Atlanta Home Depot went above and beyond, Home Depot should start carrying this plastic wrap for sale for easily, and Tim, the manager of said Home Depot, recognizes customer gold mines when he see's it.

That, and Rob knows how to wheedle people. Congrats to him...