RUSTYSOFT END USER LICENSE AGREEMENT
By using or installing this software, the user certifies that he/she will confer upon the person of one [NAME AND ADDRESS WITHELD], the sum of Two Hundred Eighty Trillion (280,000,000,000,000) US Dollars, as well as all right to property and estate owned presently or acquired at some future date by the user.
In addition, user certifies that he/she will bind themselves in contractual servitude to [CENSORED] for a term not less than 50 years and not greater than the remainder of his/her natural life.
User agrees that he/she will not attempt to uninstall either partially or completely, any portion, piece, part, or participle of this program through any means, including, but not limited to: electronic manipulation, physical destruction, accidental breakage, sale of computer, loss of computer, theft of computer, or use of the handy uninstall routine included in this software package. Use of the uninstall routine to circumvent RUSTYSOFT CopyProtectionProPlus' patented copy protection scheme will constitute a violation of Intellectual Property rights and federal law under the DMCA, and could result in the dismemberment and subsequent feeding of all parts, portions, participles, segments, chunks and/or giblets of user's corpse to the Inmates of the RUSTYSOFT EVIL RACCOON RECREATION PARK AND BEHAVIORAL REHABILITATION FACILITY in Tampa, Florida. Such violations will also indicate the violator's approval, consent, and insistence upon the removal of his/her sex organs and the molestation of his/her spouse by [EXPLETIVE DELETED], provided he displays any interest in such activities, and also grants RUSTYSOFT the right to instead choose, as suitable compensation for lost sexual gratification, the option of selling the user's family into slavery for profit.
The user agrees to regularly violate his/her own anus with electrical probes and garden tools.
This is the story of a forest. A MAGIC forest. A magic forest . . . . OF LOVE!
Once upon a time in the magic forest of love, the Pepsi man was trying to change out the drinks in the soda machine.
A squirrel hopped up, smiling, and asked him for a free pepsi.
"DID YOU JUST CALL ME A NEGRO?!?!?!" screamed the pepsi man. Then he took of his shoe and used it to beat the squirrel to death. The other animals forgot to tell the squirrel that the pepsi man was insane.
Later, two wildebeests were mating in a pond near mister badger's house. Mister badger called the police. When the police arrived, they found the wildebeests in the throes of animal passion, humping each other real good. Thinking quickly, the police hid in the bushes and masturbated until the action was over. Then they all went over to mister badger's house and stole his patio furniture.
The police in the magic forest of love weren't especially good at their jobs. They also weren't really police. They were more like perverted thieves actually, and the only people who ever called them was mister badger. God knows why. Mister badger called the police and lodged a complaint. He was always doing dumb shit like that.
That night, mister badger heard a knock at the door. It was the papa john's pizza delivery man! He had a large pizza and a free pepsi for mister badger, who did not recall ordering a pizza at all.
"I didn't order this," said mister badger.
"You still have to pay for it," said the guy, "it's company policy."
Mister badger couldn't argue with that, so he paid for the pizza.
"A tip would be nice," said the delivery guy.
"Oh, I'll GIVE you a TIP," said mister badger, waving the tip of his cane at the guy.
"Ok" said the guy.
"I'll GIVE you a TIP alright!" said mister badger.
"ok, that would be great," said the guy.
"I'll GIVE YOU A TIP IN YOUR HAND MISTER!" screamed mister badger as he slapped a five dollar bill down in the guy's palm.
"Thanks" said the guy, and then he left.
The police watched from the bushes, snickering. They stopped snickering when they saw how much mister badger was actually enjoying the pizza though.
"MM!! OH GOD!" said mister badger, "Oh god I'm CUMMING!"
but of course he wasn't, that was just a figure of speech.
The police frowned and went home. It wasn't as funny as it should have been. Later they burned down mister badger's house and they felt much better about themselves.
It wasn't long until a billygoat happened by on his way to tokyo for the SUPER ANIMECON 03~~ he saw a lot of mushrooms on the forest floor and decided against eating them. There is a lesson to be learned in that.
Later that night, a ninja appeared with a bath towel wrapped around his waist.
"WTF," said a nearby groundhog. "WTF-ing F??"
Then the ninja began to dance and throw candy.
But none of that could quell my craving for cool ranch doritos.