Journal: Some of my favorite quotes

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

--Jack Handey

Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

--Jack Handey

One of my favorites:

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank"and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

--Jack Handey

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.

--Rita Mae Brown

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

--Albert Einstein

Trying is the first step towards failure

--Homer Simpson

Ooh, I love your magazine. Especially the 'Enrich Your Wordpower' section. I think it's really...really... really...good.

--Homer Simpson

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems.

--Homer Simpson

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

--Wernher von Braun

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.

--Pablo Picasso

I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

--Douglas Adams Author, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that?

--Lisa Claymen

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger

--Franklin P. Jones

Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly.

--Simeon Strunsky

I often quote myself, it adds spice to my conversation.

--George Bernard Shaw

I often quote myself, I just use someone else's name to make it sound more important.

--God

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex

--Jack Handey

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.

--Jack Handey Deep Thoughts