This conversation is real. It is copied verbatim. Names have been changed to protect the inocent.

[12:25 AM] RaynorGold: is it just me or,
[12:25 AM] RaynorGold: are we old. hahahahahaha
[12:28 AM] NOLkanarde: YES
[12:28 AM] NOLkanarde: we ARE old
[12:28 AM] RaynorGold: we are geezers already
[12:28 AM] RaynorGold: and still broke
[12:28 AM] NOLkanarde: yup
[12:28 AM] NOLkanarde: I wonder, how did you come to this conclution?
[12:29 AM] RaynorGold: nothin in perticular
[12:29 AM] RaynorGold: hehe
[12:29 AM] NOLkanarde: ah
[12:29 AM] NOLkanarde: I realized I was old when someone mistook me for my 32 year old brother....
[12:29 AM] RaynorGold: now that sucks ass
[12:30 AM] RaynorGold: im the guy who was 16 at best buy and asked how many kids i had. -.-
[12:30 AM] NOLkanarde: and... when a 15 year old girl said, in reference to me: "They don't make em like they used to..."
[12:30 AM] NOLkanarde: LOL
[12:30 AM] RaynorGold: hahahaha
[12:30 AM] NOLkanarde: You know what...
[12:31 AM] RaynorGold: hmm
[12:31 AM] NOLkanarde: it is a true sign of old age, when you talk about how old you are to other old guys....
[12:31 AM] RaynorGold: hewh
[12:31 AM] RaynorGold: yea
[12:31 AM] RaynorGold: yea
[12:31 AM] RaynorGold: thats us
[12:32 AM] NOLkanarde: lol

The night was a normal night... I didn't want to do homework. Then I was excited. I wanted to do something. A movie. But I felt bad. I felt like I was leaving her behind. Felt like I was betraying her. I was selfish. I wanted to see the movie. But I felt like doing so with out her was wrong. I asked. I don't know why. What answer could I possibly expect to get?

I went. Dispite my feeling like I was doing something wrong by not waiting.

I went.

I saw.

And now I sit at home. The question of whether it was right or wrong to wait for her... gone... not because I have answered it, but because I was touched. Moved. My emotions stired.

The point of a movie is to make you feel something. To envoke an emotion. To make you feel this feeling or that feeling toward a character. I felt it. But it was personal. It touched my heart.

Will it change me? Will I do all the things I feel that I must do? Will I ever change? Will I ever be a man I can be proud of? Will I ever be a man good enough for her?

I love her. I care for her. I want to devote my self to her.

But I'm scared. Scared that I am not a strong enough man for her. Not strong enough to make it work. Not strong enough to get by in this world.

I stumble. I fall. I vow to fight to stand up.

Am I strong enough to stand up? Am I strong enough to follow my heart? How do I know when to follow my heart and when to follow the "rules".

How can I be strong enough for her when I'm not even strong enough to try?

The movie. It was me. Not is such a grand scale, but it was me. But I'm different. I can admit my love to my self. I can admit my love to her...

but can i... will i... ever be strong enough to follow my heart and fight the world and all my deamons to love her?