I probably stand as much of a chance of getting a reply this way as I did by posting my question deep into this thread, but I have a question:

What are the proprietary features of Microsoft Office?

Specifically, Word and Excel--I don't use Powerpoint, and I pinch myself if I even think about using Access. What I want to know is, what are Microsoft's special ingredients? What are the features that, in their IP lawyers' minds at least, are unique to Office, that differentiate it from OpenOffice, WordPerfect, or any of the others out there?

Because, you see, I can't think of any myself.

And enquiring minds want to know.

(I'm hoping they'll be really lame.)

What it is, is this: though I don't really care for two-button mice, I really did scroll wheels. This probably marks me as the very opposite of a power user, but they're just so HANDY, especially when one spends as much time "working" on the web as I do. Or it might just mean I'm lazy.

Why don't I like two-button mice, you ask? I've always had this theory that the second button, rather than being an instance of good design, was a compensation for a poorly designed user interface. If you think about it, in theory the mouse is essentially a replacement for the user's hand (or finger) on the screen. It points because we can't. It's essentially a concession we must make until we get decent touch-sensitive screens. Now, when that day comes, what will the equvalent of the two-button mouse be? Can there *be* one without making it an ergonomic nightmare, or simply impractical? Why even muck around with that, I say. Make it minimal. One button should perform all the necessary functions, until we can evolve on up to touch and voice.

And then? Well, I guess I'll just have to pine away for my scroll bar. But that's all right.

I'm told I pine very well.