My hypothesis on the Microsoft automobile analogies is now proven, as MS is now actually involved in building cars. Who-da thunk it? Of course, it had to be Ford they are partnering with - that's the real secret behind the Explorer 7.0 release. After struggling for years to make a crash-proof browser, they decided to Focus on something they can make crash-proof.

So, a friend of mine and I recently sat down for several hours, cumulative, of high-level design to address a significant technology problem. We both had our own personal view, and we had a common goal. After the initial design conversations were done, we had what amounts to a pretty good idea. The problem is, once we hit research mode, I dug up a recent (last 2 years) patent application which addresses, say, a good 80 percent of our idea.

So, that's great news, right? Wrong. The problem is that this great idea, which we worked at with no knowledge of the existing patent pending, is ours; we came up with it on our own, independently. And, if we were to implement it, I'd hate the stigma of being second best, of sharing the idea with this major corporate interest with whom we have no affiliation.

The point is, patenting ideas as inventions is ridiculously dumb. It stifles innovation. It's such an amazingly inane process that I cannot express in words my displeasure.

Our idea amounted to a well-defined protocol, a language which is spoken between two computer processes. A Language. I've got a great idea:

1. Patent English
2. Sue everyone
3. Profit

Bah, humbug. I'm pissed.

This post will undoubtedly be the start of many posts; I expect that as I codify these thoughts I'm having that they will develop further. You have been warned.

An employee of mine, today, mentioned how she was carded to purchase a lottery ticket. The requisite age is 18. She's 34. That, of course, gets me thinking about booze and tobacco. As a person that occasionally partakes of both, I find it very odd that I get carded for tobacco (18 requisite) pretty much every time, but I get carded for alcohol (21 requisite) almost never. I'm 31.

Anyways, the thought, theory, commentary, whatever that I have about these positive identification laws is this: in almost every case, the law has served to replace common sense with something the government says (papers, please).

Now, I'm not going to argue the benefits of not selling "controlled" substances to minors; that is not the point, so if you want to discuss that then take a hike. I just find it interesting that 9 times out of ten, when I ask the clerk to take just, I dunno, a wild guess at my age, they always come up with something between 28 and 35. 8 times in 10, they say 30. Which is pretty interesting, considering the big red badge they wear saying "We ID under 30." Well, dipshit, you ID over 30, too. You do it because your own judgement, the evidence of your senses, has been deemed illegal. Welcome to the USA.

My wife thinks that I'm harassing these poor minimum-wage boobs, and she gives me a hard time whenever I relate my latest "I made them guess," anecdote. The truth is, I'm trying to help them; I'm not trying to make them criminals and I'm not trying to get them fired. I'm trying to help them use their brains.

Now, follow me a little further with a news item you're about to hear a whole bunch more about; National ID cards. Yes, they've been shot down, many times, as too Orwellian. But, this issue keeps coming back, again and again. I personally don't know anyone that's for it; that's weird for me because I have friends and family on both sides of the Aisle, and politics is a favorite topic of mine (being a Libertarian). The latest incarnation, one that is gaining considerable momentum and I expect to see passed during the 2005 legislative cycle, is the Standardized Driver Licenses.

This is going to be a problem for precisely the same reason why it's a good idea. Someone that is charged with obtaining positive identification for purchases, or entrance to a club, or a movie, or a Nation, right now still enjoys some occasional brain cell usage - they have discretion that is exercised whenever they come across an out-of-state license, or a military ID, or some other ID that is out-of-the-norm. They stop and take a little more caution, and try to be a little bit more sure of what it is they are looking at. If we, being security minded people, are lucky, this heightened awareness even lasts for a few more ID checks before it dissipates. Now, imagine removing those little moments that break the monotony. Seems like a big breach, to me. Seems like it just became that much easier to surreptitiously "attack" the system, even if it's just to see the latest blood-and-gore flick.

Now, take states like California, where it is apparently blindingly easy for a pinga mojada just up from Baja to get a Driver License (and all the rights of a US citizen). Add to that the standardized cards and a workforce who doesn't have the right to make a judgement call, and you've got a major recipe for disaster. It's scary how this stuff works out, no?

For years, /. has failed to implement a very important feature; namely, spell checking for posts. It wouldn't be too hard to grab somebody else's GPL code and drop it in to slashcode, I'm thinking... Horde's webmail and sqwebmail both have spell checking built in, both using I believe ispell.

Then again, posts with major and multiple spelling errors are an easy method of weeding out the crackpots and idiots - maybe spell checking isn't needed, after all.

Here's one of my biggest pet peeves... Telcos (RBOCs and CLECs alike) and other utilities, when they quote you an install date, they can never be more specific than "between 8am and 5pm." What a load of crap.

Being that I have no specific experience working as a utilities installer, maybe I just don't understand the way things work. I do know a little about scheduling and resource management, though, and it seems to me that (emergency calls aside), these idiots should be able to provide a 2 to 3 hour window during which the install will happen.

While we're on the subject of pet peeves, what the fuck is up with the food services industry? You can't be seated until the rest of your party arrives! That's just bullshit - I could sit down and order drinks and appetizers for everyone while they are parking the car/finishing their shopping/whatever. The bitch of that is, if there's only two of us, we will inevitably be seated at a table that will fit six or more people. And nobody takes reservations, anymore, either.

With due respect to Neal Stephenson, I present the Law of Microsoft vs. Automobiles:

In any conversation concerning Microsoft, the probability of comparison between software and automobiles approaches one with the progression of time.

see the following examples:

• In the Beginning was the Command Line - the "original"
• Dave Massy's WebLog
• CSS Support IE 7.0's Weakest Link
• IE7 Details Emerge
• EU Sleuths Think Microsoft Sabotaged Windows
• Converting Users to Open Source- Why Do You Care?

I feel quite certain that the phenomenon manifests in nearly every conversation about Microsoft. I will periodically update this entry as I find new specimens.