Journal: Being Accosted By Drunken Women!

Went out to the bar last night. Kinda typical, knew it would be packed, been going there forever, you know the drill... So I meet up with a couple of friends, many acquaintances and sip some nice scotch. Nice scotch at this bar is a rarity, and I'm sure that I'm the only one who ordered it that night. So I'm standing there talking to a friend of mine when this pretty good looking girl comes over and starts pawing me. What was it I said now....oh yes.

"Um...hi! Who're you?"

I think I was into the Strongbow at this point. But she starts moaning "Dollar Store! Dollar Store!"

At this point, my friend is nearly laughing out loud at this crazy, horny thing attached to my middle. So what's a gentleman to do? "Yeah...Dollar Store..." I say.

To make a long story less long, we danced and she started pushing people around. She was trying to tell me that she saw my band. Now this really confused me. I was in a band about 7 years ago, but I thought it just might be possible. Eventually it comes out that the girl thought I was the drummer from Simple Plan.

She starts lifting up my shirt which is just horrible...she's moaning that she loves me. She pushed people away from us on the dance floor. She screams and tells me not to go to the bathroom (or the fuck away from her which was the plan.) In the end she thought I was a jerk, which was fine. I'm too young for kids anyway.

I don't think that there's a moral to this story. Normally drunken girls coming up to you and touching you in a bar is exactly what you want when the girlfriend is non-existent. I guess there's a line. I think she tried to strangle me with it.

Moral: Make sure your friends all know the code word for rescuing you. "Help! Help! She's fuckin' nuts!"