while watching the matrix reloaded and revolutions on my computer the other day i got hung up on some reoccuring lines. Smith says it perfectly: "There's no escaping reason, no denying purpose, because as we both know, without purpose we would not exist. It is purpose that created us. Purpose that connects us. Purpose that pulls us, that guides us, that drives us. It is purpose that defines us. Purpose that binds us." Purpose. for a long time i thought i knew what my purpose was. my reason for being here. well, i was constantly redefining it, but there was, for a long time, no mistaking it. I had a purpose. hell, i had many purposes. but recently i found myself, for the first time in many years, without purpose. no purpose, no reason. nothing to define my existance, my continued advancement in life. i found myself questioning what i was doing and why. at the same time i was struggling to figure out why i was suddenly questioning my existance. while i think the breakup might have helped trigger, or bring to light this feeling, i know it's not the reason for it. infact, looking back, i can see how things were heading this way long before the breakup. even more, i can see signs of it going back to before we even got together. so the question still remains. WHY? well, my philosiphy is more along the lines of "why ask why, just shut up and die". no, "WHY?" is not the important question. more importantly, and with more relevance, is "WHAT?". the question is not, "why am i here?", but instead "What am i supposed to do here?". we as people can and have debated for most likely our entire existance why we are here. thankfully science has given us that answer. all the way from the "Big Bang" to the first life on earth to the emergence of humans. there is no hidden reason why we are here. there is no mystical answer. even if there IS a god, why (there it is again!) would god go through all the effort to create everything we know, past, present and future. All for us? All for a proving ground, a test, for us? pass this test and go to heaven? NO! that is so arrogant and concieted to think that it's all about us. and that is exactly our nature, to be so full of our selves. i say we're full of shit. but anyway, i'll get into a religious debate another time. as far as the big question is concerned, after close examination, i have decieded that "WHY?" is wrong and pointless. sure, you can pose millions of "WHY" questions. but to figure out the answers, the question we should be asking is "WHAT". Yes, we are born. yes we're gonna die. but WHAT do we do in the mean time? in prehistoric times the what came down to a matter of survival. then is was more about HOW do we survive. today we have survival pretty much figured out. except for a few "conflict's" throughout the world, we humans do a pretty good job getting by. so what now?
---To Be Continued.....
