God damnit, yesterday I was pleasuring myself with a dildo, when one of my friends decided to do a "jackass" stunt. That god damned son of a bitch kicked that dildo straight up my asshole!

Now, when people tell me "What the fuck is wrong with you asshole, do you have something up your ass?", I reply with "Hey! Fuck you, I have a GIANT YELLOW DILDO UP MY ASS! Now fuck off!"

Surgery to remove it is scheduled for
November, 15 2002

Wish me luck guys!

Well, about a week ago, I went over to my good friend John Carmack's house. He showed me the demo they were displaying at E3, and I was extremely impressed.

I asked him to let me play it, but he said "Fuck no, this is my game!" I proceeded to beg for about 2 hours, and he finally said, "Hey, if you fuck my dog, I'll give you a leak of DOOM III. Just PROMISE you won't spread it thoughout the internet!" I promised, and proceeded to fuck his dog in the ass.

I'm sure it pained the dog more than me, becuase it couldn't take my massively large cock very well. The dog ended up dying, but hey, I got the DOOM III leak! (and so did you guys! Say "Thank you!")