Hit Erase. Goodbye.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/fred_fielding

I don't know how much longer I can put up with all of this. If you haven't checked my other journal, do it now.

I'm angry right now, and I'm sure I'll calm down in a few hours, but I just don't know anymore. I'm tired of being the one who catches all the shit.

And thank you for the note on my truck. It saved my night.

I'm in a better mood now. Dunno why.

I think I just worry alot when I'm alone. Ha, I should always have a friend with me to make sure I don't fall.

Anyway, off to grab some food and go to bowling practice.

Then look up the lyrics.

5 minutes and 19 seconds of all kinds of perfection for the moment.

I actually was thinking of having the DJ play this song at homecoming. Figured we could've danced to it, and at least that would've made more sense.

I dream too much.

I don't know what to say.

Tomorrow will bring more.

It's amazing what a rejuvenated girl with a sudden interest in creative doodle sessions can do to a guy's attitude.

What a nice way to start off the morning. :)

/Happy

thefinalhalo: you're not angry with me are you?
SicIlIanAtHeart: No, I am not angry with you, I love you Austin.
SicIlIanAtHeart: You're just overly analytical.
SicIlIanAtHeart: :-)
SicIlIanAtHeart: And I know that is how you're like
thefinalhalo: heh, amen to that. i love you too, kira.
SicIlIanAtHeart: So, I try to let you know when you can stop analyzing.
SicIlIanAtHeart: :-)

Some guys have the greatest friends in the world, I guess. I'm one of them. =)

I don't think I've ever wanted to fight before in my entire life until now. I've got this sudden rush of adrenaline and testosterone. I don't think I've ever been this motivated, and the more things get fucked, the more motivated I become. I've noticed it building ever since the festival. I feel almost like I'm nearing the final stage. 4/6. A movement is accomplished in six stages.

Let's hope Mr. Barrett was right in all his acid-induced glory.

I should expect that losing isn't in the cards for me this time.

--
And everyone, keep Meghan's uncle in your prayers. :(

I love The Flaming Lips.

That is all, and disgregard any occasional whining you might read here.

I'm feeling way too many things right now.

Kira called me last night sobbing because Pearse had broken up with her. I had never heard her cry so hard before. It broke my heart hearing her and knowing I couldn't be there with her to help her. I love that girl so much, and I'm glad they patched up today. She called me again today around 9, and we talked while she walked home from the train station to her apartment. It's nice hearing her laugh again.

And then of course, there are the more local problems.

My grades are pretty terrible. I've been far too concerned with love, music, and any other number of things to focus on them, but I've been trying to get better at it. It's hard when you never really developed a work ethic. My goal is to at least get High Honor Roll again.

Work has been shitty. Chris hired Vince Marietta for electronics, so I got the shaft and am stuck with stockman for now. I don't mind too much, seeing as how I really do enjoy the exercise it gets me. I don't worry so much anymore about feeling like a pussy, though my arms are seriously out of proportion. I've been doing lots of situps, pushups, and chinups, lately as well.

Just enough to do the trick. Austin doesn't need to look like The Terminator.

And then there is the much more obvious (and truthfully more important) situation with love.

I believe it comes down to being a matter of being at the right place at the wrong time. It will work out eventually, I'm sure of this, no matter much I worry. We'll be together some day. It's too obvious that it has to happen. I just hate waiting. Stop being so damn impatient, but don't let it go this time, Austin. For God's sake, man, don't let it go.

So right now I'm listening to New Order as I always do in moods like this. I've got to be at work in 7 hours. Not sure what will go down after that.

Time will tell.

3.

----------------
"Now I know what those hands would do
No looking back now, we're pushing through
We'll change these feelings, we'll taste and see"

Apparently I was supposed to work last night.Not tonight. I didn't even get in trouble at work. What a neat way to change my mood.

The world is in love with Austin. Ha.

It's raining and I have to be at work in 20 minutes.

I'm heating up macaroni and cheese. This night has the environment to be one of the best for working out relationships, but work and obligations to another guy are preventing it.

It's been weird, but it's also been great, and it's also been terrible. I'm just ready to see how it's all going to happen.

I don't have a rain coat.

He'll get you flyin'.

We're here to stay.
We're here to stay.

I have never felt so fucking alive and confident in my entire life.

It's like all of the puzzle pieces of the summer fell into place last night.

I've been right all along.

----
I can't wait for the future.