"They're sort of like one of those custom Access programs written by a non-programmer that slowly grow and mutate."
Hey, I've got one of those that I set up for the bookstore where I work. Over time it has grown, I admit, but mutate? I think you are being... Holy...! What the HELL IS THAT THING? I... MY GOD...!
(Fade to black as blood curdling screams fill the air.)
How do you people get your parents to use a computer to begin with? I have to print photos at Snapfish and mail letters. I know if I finally managed to convince Mom to use a PC she would abandon it in disgust the first piece of naughty spam came her way. And then shame on me!