"They're sort of like one of those custom Access programs written by a non-programmer that slowly grow and mutate."
Hey, I've got one of those that I set up for the bookstore where I work. Over time it has grown, I admit, but mutate? I think you are being ... Holy ...! What the HELL IS THAT THING? I ... MY GOD ...!
(Fade to black as blood curdling screams fill the air.)