Things My Girlfriend And I Have Argued About

What, you want examples? Okie dokie... (note: all quotes are in HTML that was lifted directly from the site. It is not mine, I do not make any claim of ownership.)

A Few Concepts Margret Continues To Have Trouble Assimilating:

1. It's possible to stop buying plants.
2. Can you please leave me alone, I'm on the lavatory.
3. Ikea is just another shop.
4. I asked you if you wanted any, I asked you - now stop eating it off my plate.
5. One may have a thought and not say it. This does not make me insular, it merely separates me from you and that mad woman who's always shouting at the pigeons outside the supermarket.
6. They're just nail clippings. Nail clippings must be the most inert thing on the planet, how can anyone seriously have a problem with nail clippings? You might as well freak out with, 'Bleuuuurrggh - helium!' Really - just get a hold of yourself. So you've walked barefoot across the bathroom and you find this has resulted in a nail clipping or two sticking to the bottom of your foot; well, simply brush them off into the bin - they're just nail clippings.

I came home from work on Friday and, as I wearily opened the door into the house, Second Born, Peter, heard me entering and poked his head out of the living room.
'Hello, Papa - I've missed you,' he shouts. From within the living room Margret's voice calls out to him 'No you haven't, Peter.'

You're all up for testifying for me in court, right?

Last Friday was Margret's birthday. I bought her this oriental, geisha-style pyjama thing (Margret - 'Hey! I could do that massage they do, I could jump on your back.' Me - 'Walk, they walk on your back.' Close call there.) while I was down in London. She liked it. Simple. Clearly, I've been a fool and all I needed to do to get Margret a present she likes was make sure I asked nearly every single woman who works for The Guardian newspaper what the hell I should buy. It wasn't her favourite birthday present, though, not by a long way. There were almost tears of delight when her best friend turned up at the birthday party and surprised her with two bags full of horse manure. I mean, it seems so obvious now, of course.

I think that's enough - go to the page if you want more funny :)

"Alleged Cannibal Says Victim Was Willing" full story at http://www.ajc.com/news/content/news/ap/ap_story.html/Intl/AP.V3522.AP-Germany-Canniba.html

(extracted from an IM conversation with my cousin)

[19:59:01] cybergeek11235: i THOUGHT i was on strict academic probation
[19:59:15] cybergeek11235: part of the requirements of SAP is that you have a term GPA of at least 2.0
[19:59:37] cybergeek11235: in order to get that, i'd need to raise my grade in two of my classes by a full letter grade, and maintain the other two
[19:59:45] cybergeek11235: which isn't too likely, unfortunately
[19:59:50] (my cousin): ...so you have a mixture of cs and ds
[19:59:57] cybergeek11235: uh
[20:00:07] cybergeek11235: a B, a C, a D, and an F
[20:00:22] cybergeek11235: oddly, NOT in order of how much effort i put into them
[20:00:24] cybergeek11235: anyway
[20:00:36] (my cousin): lol
[20:00:37] (my cousin): anyways
[20:00:57] cybergeek11235: as it turns out, i am NOT, in fact, on SAP - i'm just on REGULAR academic probation
[20:01:10] cybergeek11235: that means that all i need to get for this term is a 1.5
[20:01:39] cybergeek11235: to achieve that, all i need to do is raise my grade in ANY of my classes one notch (so C to B/C, etc)
[20:01:43] cybergeek11235: and maintain the other 3
[20:02:05] cybergeek11235: of course, i'm still going to try to do well in all of my classes, but this is an incredible relief to me
[20:02:26] (my cousin): cool
[20:02:30] cybergeek11235: ALSO
[20:02:40] cybergeek11235: remember the calculus fiasco from last year?
[20:03:01] (my cousin): I believe so
[20:03:11] cybergeek11235: k
[20:03:16] cybergeek11235: i'll refresh your memory
[20:03:32] cybergeek11235: i took calc 2 twice, and received an F and a D (in that order) in the class
[20:03:40] (my cousin): right, okay
[20:03:43] (my cousin): remember
[20:03:53] cybergeek11235: now, the second time, i was under the impression that if i did better in the course, the new grade would replace the old grade
[20:04:05] cybergeek11235: this, however, is not university policy
[20:04:14] cybergeek11235: university policy is to average the two grades
[20:04:20] cybergeek11235: however, this is not what happened
[20:04:39] cybergeek11235: i have been hit with both a 5-credit F _AND_ a 5-credit D
[20:04:49] cybergeek11235: and since my GPA is weighted, that really, REALLY hurts
[20:04:52] (my cousin): did you see the registrar about it?
[20:05:10] cybergeek11235: hold your horses! ;)
[20:05:28] (my cousin): okay, I'm rushing
[20:06:20] cybergeek11235: anyway, we had this plan to get the F stricken from the record (or at least turned into a no-pass) by going through the McBurney center (for students with disabilities, including ADD ^_^) and playing the "mitigating circumstances" card and hoping for sympathy
[20:06:50] cybergeek11235: as you know, i don't like using my ADD as an excuse, but the fact is that it probably WAS a major factor in my preformance
[20:07:24] cybergeek11235: anyhoo, i had a meeting scheduled with one of the deans to talk about this very thing for today at 4:00 pm, but she had to reschedule me to this coming tuesday
[20:07:44] cybergeek11235: so yeah
[20:07:49] cybergeek11235: this is really fun
[20:07:59] cybergeek11235: with both the F and the D, my cum is 1.53
[20:08:09] (my cousin): lol
[20:08:31] cybergeek11235: if the D is removed (backup request, in case they didn't like the "get rid of the F" idea), that goes up to 1.68
[20:08:47] cybergeek11235: if the two are averaged, per university policy, it goes to 1.76
[20:08:54] cybergeek11235: and if the F is removed, it goes to 1.85
[20:09:10] cybergeek11235: which is totally awesome
[20:09:13] cybergeek11235: imho
[20:09:13] cybergeek11235: :)
[20:09:45] (my cousin): so in any event as long as something happens the way it should you come out okay with your probation?
[20:10:20] cybergeek11235: as long as i do well for the rest of the term, as little of it as there is, i'm fine
[20:10:35] cybergeek11235: if i only maintain my current grades, they can kick me out

yeah. good times, eh?