I've been trying to ride the bus to school lately and it is a learning experience all its own. One thing I've learned is that 99.9% of the people that ride the bus are so poor that they can't afford a car. The other thing I've learned is that people are really fucking lazy. I see people stand in one spot for 20-30 minutes so they can ride the bus (for $1.50) just to go two blocks away. Also, let's say that someone plans on getting off the bus at point B, but someone else gets off at point A about 75 meters before B. A is so close to B that you can actually read the route numbers at stop B from stop A. Anyway, instead of getting off at A and walking the rest of the way, they force us to endure an unnecessary stop because they are too damn lazy to walk a little farther.

Ok, sure, some people can't walk that much because of heart problems or whatever, but that doesn't apply to everyone I've seen do it.

Oh the joy of public transportation.

I know, I know, it's been a while since I've posted a message. My blog has become a bit stagnant (like most blogs), but it's mostly because I'm either not near a computer when a thought strikes me or nothing interesting happens

Anyhoo, I've been wallowing in my own misery (again) for the last couple of months. Depressed about school (will it ever end), the lack of free time (and money), lack of a good woman (hell, I'd settle for a bad one right now) in my life, etc. A friend of mine, as well as relatives, put the blame squarely on me for my solitude. I suppose that they still don't understand that some people are just in the wrong place at the wrong time every single fucking day.

Here's a good example. I was eating at a Chik-Fil-A last night before going to a study group (I'll get back to the study group). It's pretty noisy due to two tables of kids. One of the tables clears out and I say to the really cute blonde chick in front of me "wow, it got quiet after they left." She smiles and says "now we need to get rid of the rest of them." After the other table clears out, we start talking and she doesn't want kids. I was ready to ask her to marry me right there, but I kept my cool and the conversation going. She has been having the same problem as I have of finding someone that doesn't want kids, but the inevitable "the guy I'm seeing now. . ." eventually came out. I tried to at least swap phone numbers (so she can keep me in her queue in case she gets bored with the current guy), but she didn't want to do that. I can see that it COULD cause problems if the dude found out about me, but I was heart broken. I went from "this is the one" to "my life sucks even more now" within a matter of seconds.

Sometimes I wish I were dead.

If you don't believe that this really happened, this article is also here:

American Airlines Pilot Plugs Christianity

NEW YORK - An American Airlines pilot asked Christians on his flight to identify themselves and suggested the non-Christians discuss the faith with them, the airline said.

The case was handed over to the airline's personnel department for an investigation, spokesman Tim Wagner said Sunday.

"It falls along the lines of a personal level of sharing that may not be appropriate for one of our employees to do while on the job," he said earlier.

American's Flight 34 was headed from Los Angeles to New York's John F. Kennedy Airport on Friday when the pilot asked Christians on board to raise their hands, Wagner said.

The pilot, whose name was not released, told the airline that he then suggested the other passengers use the flight time to talk to the Christians about their faith, Wagner said.

Passenger Amanda Nelligan told WCBS-TV of New York that the pilot called non-Christians "crazy" and that his comments "felt like a threat." She said she and several others aboard were so worried they tried to call relatives on their cell phones before flight attendants assured them they were safe and that people on the ground had been notified about the pilot's comments.

The pilot also told passengers he would be available for discussion at the end of the flight. Wagner said the pilot had just returned to work from a weeklong mission trip to Costa Rica.

Because of privacy issues, there would likely never be any announcement about what kind of punishment or reprimand the pilot may face, Wagner said. The pilot was not scheduled to fly during the weekend, he said.

Now, some of you may be saying "so what, he's just preaching the word of God. He isn't hurting anyone." Turn that around and say, I don't know, an Atheist were to come over the intercom and say "Christians are crazy" and that people should learn to think for themselves instead of believing in a non-existent God.

If you don't want to go to that extreme, how about an Agnostic saying "Christians are crazy because they don't know that there IS a god any more than I know that there isn't. If you are a Christian, you should listen to an Agnostic and learn to think for yourselves." That's not hurting anyone either, is it?

Only four more to go. This one is starting out pretty rough too. The professors aren't giving too much or too difficult information, but one of them doesn't give us enough information as to what he will expect out of our applications.

From m-w.com (Merriam-Webster's dictionary):

Faith -- firm belief in something for which there is no proof

Theory -- the analysis of a set of facts in their relation to one another

Check this out:
I went to Orlando on Saturday to hang out with John and Lori. Late that evening, I notice that there's a message on my phone from mom saying that she was going to be leaving for vacation the next day. Since my battery was almost dead, I decided that I would just call her mobile phone the next day (I had my car charger only).

Since I didn't call her back that day, the next morning she calls my sister Annetta saying "I'm worried about Chris, he didn't call me back." She checks to see if I'm online (I'm not), calls my other sister Cathy, and they both try to call my cell phone (the battery is still dead). They call dad. He tries to call my cell phone (still dead). Annetta calls the Tampa police department to have them check to see if my car is at my apartment. They can't because it's a parking garage and it could be in any one of a thousand or so parking spaces spread out over three garages. She argues with the cop. The cop argues back. Annetta calls Cathy who is planning on hiring a private investigator to track me down. At this point, it's around 1:00. Tampa police have tried to call me two times (at least). My friend David in Washington, my aunt and uncle in NC, and my cousin in Tallahassee have all been contacted to see if anyone has heard from me.

I'm getting ready to leave Orlando so I plug my phone in to get it charging. There are six voicemails waiting, but before I can listen to them (I still don't know that everyone is looking for me), the phone rings. It's Cathy. She tells me that everyone is looking for me, dad calls to make sure I'm ok, the cops call to make sure I'm ok, Annetta calls to make sure I'm ok. I yell at dad and Cathy, apologize to the cop, ask Annetta what happened. After about 45 minutes I start to calm down, call David to apologize, call dad to apologize, call Cathy to apologize, leave a message for mom to call me back and explain what the hell she was thinking. By the way, I was only apologizing for yelling at them, not for being out of touch. I find out that Dad had fueled the fire by saying "Chris was complaining about getting headaches, maybe he had something wrong with him and he can't answer the phone." Cathy works with stroke victims, some of whom were incapacitated for days before someone found them (more fuel). Annetta is pretty sick with a cold and flu that makes her a little loopy, so maybe the same thing has happened to me (more fuel).

To close out the day, I made multiple calls to make sure people knew that I was appreciative but very disturbed by what happened. I said things like "how boring is my life that people always expect me to be able to answer the phone", and "you people are always complaining about how I never do anything and the one weekend I do, they call out an all points bulletin to track me down." They want me to give them points of contact because "they worry about me being so far away." My response to that is "I'm 36 fucking years old!!" They want enough control over me that will allow them to call someone to say "Go by and check on him." Of course I refused because it's a ridiculous request. If something happens, they'll find out about it eventually.

This whole incident did very little to help improve my self-esteem. Crap like this is exactly why a former psychologist asked me "why do you even talk to them?"

-- Still bored
-- Registered for classes
-- Passed my last probability test
-- 20 minutes after reinstalling Windows on my laptop, I picked up the Nimda virus (even though I was behind a firewall)
Did I mention I was still bored?

I haven't really had anything interesting to discuss here over the last few days. Sure, I had a birthday (#36), and had my hair cut and colored back to brown, but is that really worth printing? I think not.

School is humming along and I'm learning my way around Tampa (I know where compUSA and all the strip clubs are :-P ), but other than that, I just watch TV and do a little homework. Damn life sucks.

CC

I bombed my friggin' Probability test today. Sure I could have studied more, but I kept finding things that I didn't know before and it was pushing old information out of my head. :-)

Let's hope I do better next time.

CC

My grandparents died when I was very young (less than 10 or so), so death was easy for me to accept. That's probably why I'm comfortable with my mortality. At that age, I accepted things for the way they were. I didn't question religion, I thought the government knew what it was doing, and I thought that it was normal for non-TV families to never show any affection to each other and humiliate their only son/brother at every opportunity.

However, as I got older, I realised that not all was well. Religion, as it was presented to me, was a lie. Families are supposed to have a certain amount of respect for their kids, and so on. This knowledge led to my self-alienation. I still feel very uncomfortable in groups and don't function well on my own. Had I been born twenty to thirty years later, I would be diagnosed with ADD and possibly autism. Since I at least give the appearance of being a mostly functional adult, getting help with my learning disability is very difficult, not to mention my social "issues". By the time most people reach my age, they've already been through many relationships and have possibly been able to get on to being a middle aged adult. I'm still stuck in my adolescent fears and problems.

God I f'ing hate school. I always have and always will. I'm a total outcast and my mind is never clear enough to be able to actively process information. When I try to clear my thoughts, there is at least two or three inner monologues going on in my "think-space" regarding exactly how I'm supposed to clear my thoughts. Next thing I know, five minutes of class have passed by and I have no idea what the prof. is saying.

I was reading an article in Wired magazine today. I happened to glance at the previous page and thought that I had accidentally skipped it during a page turn. It turns out that I HAD read it and had to read almost half of it to realize that.

It's extremely depressing knowing that I must go to school, but I can't think clearly enough to learn anything. Being put into futile situations has a way of overwhelming me with angst.

Let me begin by saying that I'm not planning on killing anyone!!! This is merely a blog based on a conversation I had with someone recently.

In the movie "The Dead Zone", Christopher Walken's character knew two things: 1) He was going to die very soon, and 2) Martin Sheen's character was going to become president and start a Nuculear (not nuculur like our current preacher-in-chief says) war.

When Walken figures these two things out, he asks his (Jewish) doctor that if he could go back in time, would he kill Hitler before he came to power. Even if it meant he was going to die. Without giving too much away, Walken decides to try to kill Sheen, thereby saving the world from nuculear war and a bunch of bad movies and a TV show (where Sheen plays the President. . .huh, that's weird).

Anyhoo, the conversation I had with my friend was that put in that situation, who would you kill? It would have to be someone relatively accessible, so Bin Laden and Hussein are out of the question.

I guess that (to me, anyway), this is one of those things that I can't possibly answer unless I'm actually put in that situation. Mainly because I'm not a violent person and feel that everyone would be a lot better off if we would just learn to accept everyone's differences and figure out a way to think AND act globally (i.e. controlling population) and learn how to use technology to improve our learning capacity.

A month or so ago, voters in my county passed a referrendum raising sales taxes by .5% for the construction of new schools. Why should I fund new schools when I am not adding to the school overcrowding problem. I was smart enough not to have kids. The people that have kids should pay per child when they register them. If you have ten kids you pay for ten kids. The root of the overcrowding problem isn't that there is not enough money, it is that there are too many kids in the buildings. Make people see the consequences of having kids, maybe they will reconsider it.

A lot of people say that since no one actually saw the big bang or the creation of life from the primordial soup, that God must have created everything. What they fail to realize is that those aren't the only two choices and that we don't have to have an answer for everything right now. After 100 years of flight, we can't even agree on what makes planes fly. There are a couple of main theories, but they can't come to a definitive answer. Perhaps eventually we will know how planes fly and what the origin of life, the universe, and everything truly is, but until then, examine the available information and come up with a plausible answer that doesn't require an omnipresent conciousness

"Theory"


People say that Evolution is a "theory" assuming that the theory of evolution means that we are just guessing about the origin of life. If you look at the definition of the word "theory", the definition that is SUPPOSED to be used in association with evolution is the analysis of a set of facts in their relation to one another. We know that life adapts, or is adapted, to its enviornment (German Shepherds didn't exist 1000 years ago).