Ummm... You're not in touch with reality, I see.. Going to bed now, so I'll make this short.
First, it's not hyperbole. This relates to Xbox 360, as that's the console I have. You'll be disconnected from xbox live if you start an unpatched game, and can't go online in any way (this also, iirc, includes gamer score earnings, online scoreboards and so on). Same for system updates.
Steam : It update silently in the background, you never notice.
Drivers:
1. many driver software (especially gfx card) will tell you it's a new version, and offer a one-click button to handle the rest themselves automatically. These are the only drivers that really matter, too.
2. Windows Update will also give you new drivers, automagically if you're insane enough
3. Most websites have a online "we-check-what-hardware-you-have" test or offer a download that will check that and then get the correct one.
You sound like you're about... 7 years out of date with your doom and gloom fire&brimstone speech. Good night