Part of the problem is that it's not better at handle higher loads reliably. Much of what they are doing is basic stuff to improve performance. They could improve performance even more if they stored required data in Varnish instead of memcache and use the remaining mem for other more important things. Of course it sounds like they are now learning about parallel programming so it'll be a while before they get there.
I've written Cobol code; it is neither easy to develop for or succinct; in any manner. Neither is anything seamless. I'm not sure which COBOL you were using but if you could point it out for me I'll and correct me that would be great.
"I say we take off; nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." - Corporal Hicks, in "Aliens"