Idle Stories for 2021

X-ray Analysis Confirms Forged Date On Lincoln Pardon of Civil War Soldier 46
'When a Newspaper Publishes an Unsolvable Puzzle' 23
World's Oldest Person Dies at Age 124 58
'Spider-Man: No Way Home' Trailer Remade With Footage From the 1990's Cartoon 30
Will Self-Driving Cars Be Able to Handle... Bears? 88
Bitcoin White Paper's 13th Anniversary Celebrated with Decentralized Pizza (and Gilbert Gottfried) 72
A Cryptocurrency-Trading Hamster Beats Warren Buffett's Performance - and the S&P 500 85
YouTube Blocks 31st Ig Nobel Awards Ceremony, Citing Copyright on a Recording from 1914 130
The 'Dead Internet' Theory Posits Forums are Now Almost Entirely Overrun By AI 147
Disney's Newest Animatronic Robots Get a 'Level of Intelligence' to Make Their Own Decisions 49
Angry Windows Pioneer Blogs 'Screw You, Microsoft Edge' 241
Baseball's Newest Anti-Cheating Technology: Encrypted Transmitters for Catchers' Signals 75
Peter Thiel Helps Fund an App That Tells You What to Do 152
Zero Day Found for Universal Turing Machine (CVE-2021-32471) 46
Elon Musk Teased on Twitter with Ideas for SNL Comedy Sketches 65
'Burning Man' Festival Cancelled Again, Goes Virtual For a Second Year 61
Edward Snowden's NFT Self-Portrait Sells for $5.4 Million in Charity Auction 28
iCloud Allegedly Locked Out User Whose Last Name is a Boolean Value 208
The First AI-written Play Isn't Shakespeare - but It Has Its Moments 56
Twitch Censors Live Metallica Performance with Dorkiest Music Imaginable 43
How the NSA-led US Cyber Command Wishes You a Happy Valentine's Day 88
Can Artificial Intelligence Restore 85-Year-Old Popeye Cartoons? 61
Can You Tell a Programming Language Inventor From a Serial Killer? 61
Google Employees Try Baking Recipes Created by AI 27
Can Chatbots Simulate Conversations with Dead People? 68
How The Band Phish Played Chess Against Its Fans on New Year's Eve 14

Don't panic.