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User Journal

Journal: poop

Journal by jon503
yes.. to the person who I directed to here, I'll drop it off at the location on monday night at 2am. you know where to look. It'll be in a brown lunch sack. Dude.. why are you so paranoid about e-mails! this is weird.

all else. oh yea, Jay if you happen to read this I'd like to somehow get fight club back.. that is if you still have it.
User Journal

Journal: roughly one month since I've last...

Journal by jon503
...ed

thought of the day: if I were to write in this every day then this would make more sense. The reason I don't do thought of the month is because month takes longer to type than day does.

So here I am rubbing my stomach ache with one hand, and rubbing my head because I'm not coordinated to pat it.

Here are some ways I've found to entertain myself when I'm bored and there's nothing better to do, that hopefuly you can enjoy sometime as well, because everyone already knows the DICKFORE joke, and that damned pee pee in your coke joke..

1. Read this out loud "which wrist watch is a swiss wrist watch". Now go ask someone to repeat it to you, and listen to them mess up, or sound like english is their second - fifth language.
2. Come up with famous or movie quotes that are funnier when you substitute the word pants in for one of the words. For example, "if I know Han, he'll have those pants down in no time". Or "Pants of unusual size".
3. Pretend that you're talking in your sleep, and quitly mumble jibberish, but clearly mix in people's names around you who you don't like.. and when they come close to you to try to hear what you're saying, open your eyes just enough to see where they are but make sure they look closed, aim, and shoot them wide open.
4. Use the patheticness of the last one as motivation to find something better to do, although that would probably freak someone out.
5. talk to people and slightly cross your eyes.. then notice how hard it is for people to look at your face when you're like that. This is useful to do away with drawn out explainations from people you don't know.
6. send an IM to j0nplaya, and have a meaningless conversation.
7. stop reading this random shit and do something.
8. it's clear I'm getting lazy and clearly must be constantly bored, since my list is so terrible.
9. Sulfuric acid + Visine container.
10. Create your own list of things like this and realize how stupid it is!

that was really just a waste of time... for both of us.. but I've waisted my time so I thought I'd bring you down with me.

This is exactly why I don't really write in the journal anymore.. lack of creative energy, and nothing significant is happening in my life.

what would happen if I got a bike pump with a needle, and starting pumping air into my pee-hole?
The answer is no, it woudln't.
User Journal

Journal: It's about time I write in my damn journal! 1

Journal by jon503
thought of the day:
To answer everyone's question, the reason that the 7-11 (open 24 hours a day) has locks on it's door is so that they can lock the doors.
That's like a boob with no nipple.. or a Penis that never ends (sorry folks with a visual mind.. I've tried to picture it too and then I also felt bad about trying to)
see also: Circle K (not a plug or an ad for this wonderful company called Circle K which I love and reccomend)
see also: finding new friends with something useful to talk about

before we get things started I want you to spend a minute and think about what the person that you involuntarily imagined with the neverending penis looked like in your head.. Since it's too late and you've already done it, ask yourself why the hell you were picturing that person.

Now I think it's only appropriate you ask yourself why the hell you were thinking about that instead of just thinking about how stupid it was to be thinking about that.

This is a piece on what happens in the time spent writing in my journal. Hence, the title "It's about time I write in my damn journal!".

First off, nothing is going or getting off except the first. .. well now that I've thought about it the second one is coming off now.

Third is the final base until you're home.

Fourth, I fart in your general direction.

Fifth, I've decided to remove the "off" status of the second one.

Second: on

Sixth, the time spent in my journal is often spent typing. I've become way too normal these days.

Seventh, and 7thmost following 6th before proceedint to 8th is about a christian website. Referring to sex it said "mysterious mechanism for the reproduction of life "
see also: your toilet
see also: embarassed

"Eighth" is the street word commonly referring to 1/8 of an ounce of marijuana. If your child is distributing drugs in such small quantities, it is recommended that you try to motivate them to start selling ounces or pounds and beat them for not being ambitious. Beating them with a belt is more effective them beating them at a video game.

The ninth commandment does not state "touch yourself when no one is watching."
see also: bible
see also: the first see also



I'm going to be a needy bitch... please feel free to give me any of the following things...

the finger
liberty
or death
condoms.com
human papillomavirus
a break


here's a little philosophy for you.

A dream is a realm without the l and with a d at the beginning. Imagine if I was so cheap I just made the font smaller, and made a tiny "philosophy instead"... yes I know I put the " in the wrong place. sue me!



in the end it all comes down to one thing and one things alone.

The soul purpose of this sentence is to appear as the conclusion to the last sentence while you were reading it.
Announcements

Journal: being a loan 1

Journal by jon503
I don't like being a loan, nor do I like being loanly. I'd much rather be with a big company.

I've been advised that my entries are getting less entertaining every time. This one will continue the trend and also end it.

[jon503@poop home]$ cd jon/bible_ (BEEP)
bible_movies bible_stories bible_bloopers
[jon503@poop home]$ cd jon/bible_movies
[jon503@poop bible_movies]$ ls
display all 1,203,410,224 items? N
[jon503@poop bible_movies]$ rm cdgirls*.mpeg
[jon503@poop bible_movies]$ ls
display all 1,203,410,148 items?
User Journal

Journal: poopful 3

Journal by jon503
Thought of the day:
now that it's impolite to call oriental people oriental, we'll never call their rugs asian rugs will we?

Bear with me hear.
(That's asian for the animal that I'm with is not def.)
let's pretend for a moment that you don't like to pretend ever.
is it hard?
neither am I.. but I heard it turns some people on.

so I only write in this journal about as often as they change the sand in the national aquarium in Baltimore.
I apologize to and forgive myself since I'm the only person who enjoys my journal.
.. so I'm eating this chimichanga
that's an inside joke with myself

I just wanted to make a short entry so I can see that I still exist and to make sure I don't start worrying thinking I've dissapeared.
The 2000 Beanies

Journal: nothingnessly 1

Journal by jon503
Thought of the day: Man can only do what he is capable of. In other words he is limited by his limitations.

That's about as deep as the puddle on the side of the bar.. except on holidays because a lot of people piss there.

So to cure the fact that no one will ever read what I write I've decided to use what I'm assuming are some words that would cause a page to be flagged. If you are an agent or working for, with or are having sex with an agent, hi and thank you for reading my journal entry.

There are probably a few reasons why you're here.. and those reasons are....
I'd never Kill the President!
I don't support anarchy whatsoever
I don't even know what echelon is.. some sort of nuclear device?
assassinate is a word with 2 asses.
Roswell, Waco, World Trade Center, Soros, Whitewater, are all things I know nothing about.
That ought to draw some attention to my page :).

I need to be going to sleep soon..
anyone that's pissed because they've drank too much.. good for you.
anyone that's pissed because I've waisted their time RIFF| WAVEfmt @ @ dataX ~~~~~~~~~~~}}}~...fff}{xyzz{yyzyzzzyxy{{{|f...SOEOE...fSZ'"...fxqqnjjcdhimsutuywrmaZYWY^ab_eos}SZ~{z{yuusrtuy~}xvuwzxrnnkhjjlqqsx{'-oesz £¥ -qg`YRORXcloptx~¦YOEziWLFBCJQWcilsyoe©ÀÇÍÎÊÃuU:./7ER\efcdgn|Y±ÌÕàÐÃjJ*%.9TgfihbgrzSYË×èôåͱ[D0/BWfw}rnibm}ÍßéãÊxVA6:Pg|sgbjzÄÑÒÓÈ¥gD5FYo'...wedjo...z£ÆÏÀ"pTH?Iay"...|urw"Y¦ÆÍÁ±nVHBN^qxtvyf£Àx`M9:Rh"'}rls|Å¥aKBAM`o|zvrwZ'ÇÁsr_YT_icekjryrqx{----¾^HIP`otuyzvuspy''OE-¾®lQEJUfsz}zsnnnw"zY¦OEkREFTgs}{uphgqz'---£¦v\STXcoqu|{zzuux{f--'vdUOWbm{~wslglvS'"'-(TM)--"|pe[Y[dpz~vrop{-z©©...pd^bmqrtpnopquy}'"--£zkddgjmorxyyvonqxOE-z± Sq^WYdqy|zsonlqw{fSOEZZ' '...uf][^gqw{{yywvvy}'©-oc^^dkpuyyytnmovS''"'Zwlcbfmw~}zwuvz...SZ--¥z--S~rgbekqvvttuwwvuv{OEZOEOE-'|uolikotwwwwyywyz|SSZZfytsokmqsx{xwxwvx{{...OEZSywutvwvx||~}......ff......ffff}zyyyz|}~}{{|~~|}~f...ffffffff~}}|{{}~fff...ff......~f}}z|f|y{...zx|zuv|}}~~}{z{~f~~~~~}f...~|}fffff~~~}zw{~}{y~{z~......fffff{wz~~yy}f......{}f{}...fffff...f.........~|{zyyxwwzzzz{}~ff............f~}~~~~~~|}f.........f~}{ywwvuuvwy{}ff~}~~~}}}|{{||zzzzyyyz|}~~}|{{{zz{|}~f......f~}{z{{{|~......ff~}~~f.........ffff............f~~~~~
OFF!
if you can find something to play that as a sound it's me saying the F word.. I've tried it so don't tell me it doesn't work.. don't waste your time with sound recorder either.. if only that wasn't so big.. I could play around with it more..
that's what she said
Star Wars Prequels

Journal: Phucking....! 3

Journal by jon503
Thought of the day. Don't be yourself. Be who everyone wants you to be. Now think for yourself.. someone has to say it. So I was feeling down about myself.. not being entertaining in the last one.. and suddenly I dug down deep inside and produced a true Jem that I was truly proud of... and now it's gone.. it didn't work..

actually it kinda sucked.. but it doesn't exist anymore so I can say whatever I want about it.

basically I've come to the conclusion that no one will ever read this because I'm making a bunch of pointless ramble. Since no one will ever read this I can say shit like..

I just plain don't like jewish people.

I don't even have to worry about explaining that I really don't mean that cause no one is around to explain it to. Have you ever seen Conan O'brien? Black people suck. Well he does these bits where he just does random things because it's on so late at night no on is watching.. well this is kinda like that only no one is watching for real. Rodney King deserved it.

frankly I just feel sorry for white people.

seriously though... somehow they've lost their right to be racist.

let's pretend I'm black for a moment.

nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger.

(it's okay to laugh)

now let's pretend I'm white for a moment.


you see the difference?

I'm just kidding.. if a white person says nigger it's almost guarunteed that he'll piss off other white people.

enough racism.. white peopel suck, asians suck more than mexicans and mexicans suck! indians suck.. never never land sucks!

okay now enough.

here are some intimate details since no one is watching..

I have a small penis.
for some reason I get mosquito bites on my genetalia once a month.
I'm attracted to bunnies... what a turn on.
Bin Laden is a handome man.. too bad he's such an asshole.
If you put Anna Nichole Smiths head on the body of Anna Nichole smith she'd still be ugly.

don't you hate it when you wake up next to a parrotfish, and it does that cacoon thing..

if you feel like I'm waisting your time.. just suck my morally illegal action in three dimensions.

wait.. I'm hung like an elf.. suck my eight equals D.

key:
morally illegal action in three dimensions = SIN3d
(must be read upside down)

eight equals D = 8=D alright.. I'm done.. no one is going to read this anyway.
User Journal

Journal: it is 2:50 am 3

Journal by jon503

thought of the day

AN OUTLAW and an INLAW are not opposites and don't have a whole lot to do with eachother

(TABLEofContents CELLPADDING=0 CELLSPACING=0 BORDER=0 SEXUALITY=STRAIGHT)
(TRL)
(sTD)
Hi my name's is Jon. I do realize that once I save this I can no longer go back and fix this. So I'll just start out by doing something I'll regret on purpose so when I do it by or even on accident I won't feel shitty about it being the first time.

Speaking of first times, what's the deal with that mistake I just made again.

I ain't never gonna stop not doing the opposite of nothing.

I just feel sorry for you now.

a: you actually waisted the time to figure out what that meant, and are not a better person for it.

b: you really don't care, and are waisting your time reading messages to people that do.

c: you got it the first time and are too smart to be reading these pointless ramblings in the first place.

d: you're just an idiot that can do nothing but wonder what I will do after I get to z

e: now that I've said that you're wondering what I will do after I get to z.

6: now that just doesn't matter anymore

7: and finally there are no grey elephants in Denmark!
(/sTD)(/TRL)(/turnTABLE)

it's mostly too late for me to be writing and partly cloudy.

so this all raises a few questions..

wait.. how to you raise a question? .. what? then how do you turn a phrase? ... um.. damn right I watch family guy.. I mean watched.

that's a few questions and good enough for me.

in conclusion there are 4 vowels.

but in the end there are only 2.

unless you count the I in in in the last sentence.

I used a word 3 tiems in a row! I'm damkn proud goodnight everybody

-Jon

PS I just realized you can edit this so that first crap was pointless. I'll attempt to be more pointful in the future. also I'm signing my own freakin journal like it's a letter to someone.. Jon stop talking to yourself... you know you could have just asked nicely. They're going to think you're crazy. who.. nevermind.. okay fine. fine.. fine..

                fine.. shut up.

Possessions increase to fill the space available for their storage. -- Ryan

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