Methods of wasting time at work: Part I - the Office Dumpo
Today's method of wasting time at work deals with the all important timing of the office bathroom break.
Working for a large company, in the Information Technology department, I am required to drive back and forth between local branches and sometimes frequent Office Depot. As we all know, work related trips out of the office are great ways to waste time while you are getting paid. But why stop there? Why not combine this method of wasting time at work with the oldest one in the book: the bathroom break!
It works both ways. If I need to take a dump, I first check to see if any of my co-workers need anything from Office Depot before heading to the restroom at the office. Conversely, if I need to go to Office Depot for something, I try to muster up a dump for taking while there.
The imporatance of this method is timing. Begin regulary scheduled trips to office depot an hour or so after lunch. That way, you'll be "in the mood" and your co-workers, knowing that you will be departing for the supply store shortly after lunch, will begin waiting until you get back to give you their laundry lists. The Office Dumpo will be pre-programmed into your day. Once you arrive at said reatailer (Office Depot is not required, and just happens to be the store that I end up at the most), proceed directly to the restroom, and begin defecation. In the back of your mind, know that not only are you wasting time, but you are also getting paid (while defecating no less)!
The less used and more frowned upon alternate meaning for office dumpo (and yes, it should be lower case in this instance) is just taking a dump while at work. You still waste time and you still get paid, but anyone can just 'pinch a loaf' at the office. The Office Dumpo is a strategic gem. The only real benefits of the office dumpo in this usage is the fact that while you don't have home-toilet advantage, you are using a familiar toilet (and not the all feared public toilet used for the "public dump") and unneccessarily bothering coworkers. I guess there is a silver lining to every cloud.