I haven't yet found an algorithm or human process capable of decoding facebook comments written by teenagers.

I think what you're looking for is something that would make comments on Facebook possible to decode. For it could be made many orders of magnitude easier than it currently is and still be indecipherable.

You are an absolute embarrassment to humanity.

It's the preponderance of missing words (bad grammar) that inhibit your ability to have a good discussion. Not people's willingness to mock people who can't employ simple English.

Star Trek has always been the thinking man's version of Star Wars. Star Wars practically created the low-IQ yet nerdy genre. Star Trek grappled with real scientific (even sometimes modern physics) concepts. Star Wars was just a bunch of explosions with no science whatsoever. Explosions in space made just as much noise in Star Wars as they did in Star Trek, but at least Star Trek explained why people were walking upright in ships. There's really no contest. If you have a brain Star Trek is the better experience. If you don't, Star Wars is much better. So Star Wars wins. I'm sure Star Wars is far more popular among Slashdot readers since most of you fall into this loq-IQ-yet-nerdy category.

"the researchers found that women who sit more than 6 hours a day were 37 percent more likely to die than those who sit less than 3 hours; for men, long-sitters were 17 percent more likely to die. People who exercise regularly had a lower risk, but still significant, risk of dying" So we're talking about a finite probability of immortality if I never sit? I'll never sit again!

Ever heard of Russia?

This is the information age. In the next age, information won't be property and our more enlightened descendants will laugh at us for considering it so. We can't truly advance as a species until we start treating the universe as an information entropy increasing machine and accept our roles within it as DNA-based information processing machines.

It's not stupidity. It's ability. Technology is enabling people to do things that weren't safe before. Stupidity would be doing those things before said technology.

Honey, what are you smoking? It wasn't even three minutes on our wedding night when you promised it would be extra special.

So they didn't get a patent.. and have only been lying and saying they did. They filed and failed. Someone made a speech where they lied about having a patent on it. Why have the standards for slashdot articles deteriorated so much? Is it the readers standards going down or the submitters getting more retarded? Or the people who approve articles getting more lax.

Spend your time with her and make sure your "pre-teen" daughters do the same. Wasting your time recording everything will lead to you looking back on these years as a big mistake on your part. Also, since she's only going to look and sound worse as time goes on, the recording is a lot less friendly than something more abstract (and meaningful) like her opinions, thoughts, and feelings. If all you're interested are the superficial aspects of her life (what she looked and sounded like) then you are already doing enough. And years from now I hope you cherish all those months holding a camcorder and digital camera instead of looking at her with your own eyes. You're desperate, so your stupid and childish mentality on all of this is understandable. But it's not too late to start dealing with this like someone who actually cares about his wife and the mother of his kids.

How is this technology and not 'your rights online'?

What is so funny about that? I'm for execution of a foreign spy on American soil.. and I'm also for the US executing espionage on other nations. I guess.. hmm.. maybe I live in America and am looking out for its best interests?

Sounds like you picked the wrong career. I don't think the majority of people have experienced what you describe.

Don't take any articles that /. posts with it's hilariously childishly biased language in the subject header seriously. /. has one of the most embarrassingly airheaded left-wing biases I've ever seen in a news outlet.