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Journal Journal: Said I would not understand

Am I the only one who wishes there was school tomorrow?

I really need to get my shit together, in every sense of it. Emotionally, physically, professionally, educationally...

I really don't know what's wrong. I have a flying lesson scheduled for Saturday that I don't want to go to. I want to cancel it.

Really. Who am I kidding?

Off to another night of not sleeping...
User Journal

Journal Journal: Dreams

They're back, and they're awful. These dreams are so terrible I'm having trouble sleeping.

I can't take much more of this. I need sleep...
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Journal Journal: Weekend Ending

Well, except for a few good moments here and there, this weekend has pretty much sucked. I have spent most of it angry, dejected, and tired. Even sleeping hasn't helped, since most of the time my dreams have just made things worse.

Great way to start off the week. I still find it sad that I'm wishing I could go to work all day...

Luckily, I don't have all that much homework. However, I couldn't bring myself to do it yesterday, and today it's just been forced. I can force myself to do work, but I absolutely hate it.

I really was hoping to write more of the prequel this weekend. Doesn't look like that'll be happening any time soon. My writing is terrible if done in this state (except, of course, when that effect is desired, as in the part I wrote for Andrew's sequel).

There's next weekend to look forward to -- but really, is there any reason to believe it will be any better? No.

God damn it.
User Journal

Journal Journal: Fun Evening

Well, this evening was fun, if a little strange.

After work, I knew I would have to fend for myself, as far as dinner went. Eating alone sucks, so I called all my friends to see if they were there. Nobody answered except James, who said he could probably make it. On a hunch, I drove past Madeline's house and saw her and her mom sitting out back, thus being away from the phone. So, I called up to them on their deck, asking Madeline if she wanted to go to dinner with James and me. Instead, her mom (or I, depending on who you listen to) ended up inviting us all for dinner there.

After picking up Tim (who finally answered his phone) and an audio tape, we drove back and met up with James, who had walked over (impressive, Airborne Ranger!). Dinner was good. We watched Strong Bad cartoons. Then the shaver came out. We shaved my left sideburn and James's right, Tim's left arm, the tip of Madeline's hair, and Phil (Madeline's brother)'s leg. We were way too obsessed with that thing. This turned into a game of pen-throwing, followed by bottle-kicking, at which point we decided it would be a good idea to go outside and play soccer in the dark.

So, we had some fun there...it turned into a serious contact sport, complete with punching, kicking, and martial arts moves. And for everyone who wasn't James, there were bum rushes and tackles. It was entertaining. Madeline (wisely) decided not to play, so she shined a flashlight on the ball for the rest of us.

An entertaining evening, for sure. Now I just have to scramble to get all my homework done. Sigh.
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Journal Journal: Thanks 1

Thanks to Tim and Sarah. I owe you both big time.

Sigh. Was it worth it? Maybe.
User Journal

Journal Journal: Philosophy

A pretty good day, all around. I lost the possibiliy of an extra credit point in math. Argh.

I think I've got a pretty good idea what I want to be: a philosopher. The only problem is, it's not like you can apply to be a philosopher anymore. Ah, the good old days of ancient Greece...

I doubt this means a change in career plans, though, just because there aren't any jobs available for philosophers.

Had more to write about. Don't remember. Maybe will try to write more in Andrushko prequel.
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Journal Journal: School Sucks

At least even days will be easier than odd days. It'd be impossible to get everything done otherwise.

Maybe I'll get a chance to write some more of the prequel tonight. I really enjoy writing it, but sadly, now that school's started, I have much less time to work on it.

I felt really good at the beginning of the day, and in fact throughout most of it. It was just when I started to think about what's happening that I started to get a little down.

I hate this feeling, but it feels like there's nothing I can do for one of my friends. This friend does not seem to take heed of my advice. This friend asks me for advice, but I see little or no net effect. It makes me unhappy when I feel like I can't help in any way...oh well...

There was a meeting today. Apparently, someone took active steps to prevent me from coming. It's somewhat flattering and somewhat saddening. I never imagined anyone would care that much...

Had a good idea today (actually, a bit like being in the right place at the right time). Go me. Hopefully, some good will come of it.

College applications suck.

That's pretty much it for now. Off to do homework.
User Journal

Journal Journal: Back to School

Back to school. Well, it started out as an okay day. Saw Sarah, Andrew, Rashmi, Shiny, and others on the bus. AP Psych looks like it'll be an awesome class. English looks like it'll be okay. Topics in Globalization looks awesome. Not sure about math yet. It's a big change from Stueben.
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Journal Journal: Learn to Fly

We took off at 4:30, and by 5:45, I realized that there wasn't enough time left with the aircraft for me to solo. Christy also had not endorsed my logbook and student certificate for solo flight, a legal requirement. So, I was kind of unhappy, but at the same time, kind of relieved. I had been jittery ever since 2 PM, and with the pressure of soloing removed, I could concentrate on making my last landing real sweet. It was a good landing. I wanted to do another one, but my instructor called the tower and asked for clearance back to the west ramp (meaning the flight school, where we could secure the aircraft). So, we taxied back.

I pulled out the checklist and flipped it open to "Securing Airplane," then prepared to shut down the engine. Christy then turned to me and said, "Don't shut down the engine." She held out her hand, so I gave her a high-five, not knowing what else to do. She looked at me strangely, then said, "Give me your logbook and student certificate." I said, "Ohhh. Oh!" I handed them over and she signed the endorsements in both. I was ready to do a jig. She then said to me sternly, "Three takeoffs, three landings. If you have to go around [reject landing] for ANY reason, you do it without hesitation. Understood?" I said, "Yes, ma'am."

She got out of the aircraft and closed up her door. I then got clearance to taxi, taxied back to the runway, then got clearance to take off. The airport was devoid of all traffic. It was really kind of disconcerting how quiet it was. I was the only plane out there. So, I taxied out onto the runway, pushed the throttle to full power, sped up to 50 knots, and lifted off the ground. It was at that moment that I said to myself, "Shit. Now I'm kind of committed to landing this thing."

I flew around the traffic pattern, got clearance to land, turned onto final, came around, and then suddenly realized, "Wow. I'm landing this plane. By myself. Oh, God." I came in, pulled the power back to idle, and the nose yawed to the left. I tried to correct, but didn't get enough right rudder on it. Meanwhile, I had flared a bit too high. The aircraft hit the ground once and bounced, half sideways, half forward. It bounced three more times, then came to rest. One of the ugliest landings I've ever done, but it wouldn't be a solo without an ugly landing, right? I'm told everyone at the flight school cheered - half because they were happy I had made my first solo landing, half because the aircraft was still in one piece after that landing.

I taxied off the runway, and there, I saw Christy waving me back toward the runway (we agreed that she would wave me back to the runway if she wanted me to continue, and toward herself if she wanted me to stop and talk to her). I taxied back to the runway, got clearance again, and took off. I circled the pattern once and came back in. The approach was perfect. I descended onto the runway, flared at just the right height, and touched down as gentle as can be, right on the centerline. The landing was very pretty.

I taxied off the runway and saw Christy waving me back toward the runway again. I taxied back, got clearance again, and then took off. I flew around the pattern again, dropped onto final again, and touched down - this time, my rudder was a bit off, so although I didn't bounce, all the tires squealed.

Christy waved me back to the west ramp, and then she took off in her golf cart. I got clearance to taxi back to the west ramp, taxied back there, and then my parents, uncle (a commercial airline pilot), uncle's fried, and brother all took the requisite 2000 pictures of me with the aircraft, me with the instructor, me with them, etc. Then, Christy drove me back to the flight school, where she took my shirt and cut the shirttail off it. The cutting of the tail is a tradition that dates back to the early days of aviation. The instructor sat in back and the student in front, and when the instructor wanted the student to take the controls, he would rock the wings. However, when he wanted them back, he would pull on the student's shirttail. So, the instructor cuts off your shirttail to indicate that you no longer need an instructor.

It was AWESOME.

It was the second-greatest experience of my life. The feeling of flying all by yourself leaves you with a tremendous sense of accomplishment. It's incredibly exhilarating. Scary, too, but I feel much more confident in myself having done it.

I'm going to remember this day for a long time to come.

The absolute best moment, though, was when Christy turned to me after cutting my shirttail and said, "You're a pilot now!"

---

Run and tell all of the angels
This could take all night
Think I need a devil to help me get things right

Hook me up a new revolution
Cause this one is a lie
Sat around laughing and watched the last one die

And I'm looking to the sky to save me
Looking for a sign of life
Looking for something to help me burn about bright
And I'm looking for a complication
Looking cause I'm tired of lying
Make my way back home when I learn to fly

Think I'm done nursing the patience
I can wait one night
Give it all away if you give me one last try
We'll live happily ever trapped if you just save my life
Run and tell the angels that everything's all right

And I'm looking to the sky to save me
Looking for a sign of life
Looking for something to help me burn about bright
And I'm looking for a complication
Looking cause I'm tired of trying
Make my way back home when I learn to fly
Make my way back home when I learn to fly
Fly with me
I can't quite make it alone
Try to make this life my own
Fly with me
I can't quite make it alone
Try to make this life my own

And I'm looking to the sky to save me
Looking for a sign of life
Looking for something to help me burning bright
And I'm looking for a complication
Looking cause I'm tired of trying
Make my way back home when I learn to fly

User Journal

Journal Journal: McCarthy

First off, I would like to say that I am hoping I don't offend anyone with this post.

I know that Mr. McCarthy is a widely respected teacher at TJ, and I really think he does a fantastic job as a Model UN sponsor. However, I have never managed to connect with him. I get the feeling that I have somehow caused him to think of me as a non-serious kind of guy. I do not know why, and I do not know what I can do to remedy it.

Yes, I enjoy having fun as much as the next guy. The Soviet Reunion (including my freshman year arbitrator speech, and of course, our takeover of the NATO General Assembly) definitely contributes to that. However, if that is the reason, I would like to point out that I take Mr. McCarthy seriously despite his birthday dances, his showing of "Ridicule," his attacks on Yi, and this Southern Comfort story I still have not yet heard.

We had a test recently. I got a B. A number of students who also got B grades were told to see him for guidance. I was not. Does this mean he expects B quality work from me? The test before that one would seem to disprove that.

I have never once felt that Mr. McCarthy really thought that anything I did was above average, or even acceptable. The only compliment I can recall receiving from him was that "Andrew said [my] crisis went really well." While that was very nice of Andrew to say to him, I am still unhappy that it required Andrew's intervention to make him realize that the crisis actually went well.

I have also never received any advice on how to improve. It has been a process of natural selection - but without any positive feedback, it has just been repeated cases of negative results.

Well, if only I could get some help...but I don't know how I can ask him. He seems to get very defensive whenever I talk with him about any problem at all.

Oh well...this, by the way, does not dissuade me from recommending Mr. McCarthy to anyone else. He is an excellent teacher and a good man. His class is always interesting.
User Journal

Journal Journal: Posting at gunpoint... 1

Well, a number of people have commented recently that I should update my journal, and I guess I should, since a lot has happened.

First off, there was the Model UN conference we hosted. I was the crisis director for the integrated crisis - a simulation of the Cuban Missile Crisis with a Historical Soviet Presidium and a Historical National Security Council.

How to describe the conference? Well, I heard several people say it was the most fantastic conference they had ever been part of. I think the crisis went pretty well...it completely drained me, for sure. Anyway, good job everyone. Thanks to those of you who kept me going.

Afterwards, we all went over to Sarah's to watch movies. I apologize to everyone for acting like a jackass at the beginning of it. Anyway...that was wonderful, thanks to all, particularly to Sarah for hosting it.

The conference made me realize that there is someone out there with more detailed military knowledge than myself (from Robinson, was chair of the Chinese Cabinet at their conference, I believe a junior...was on the HSP at our conference, if anyone knows him, let him know my email address)...this worried me greatly. Therefore, I've gone on a major book-buying binge. Books being added to my collection...

One Hundred Unorthodox Strategies

How to Make War

On War
(Clausewitz)

Strategy

The Art of War
(Sun Tzu)

The Art of Maneuver: Maneuver-Warfare Theory and Airland Battle

Impossible Victories

Soviet Airland Battle Tactics

If anyone else knows of any good books, please let me know.

Only a week before the Russia trip. Scary.

Anyway...it's been one of those bittersweet weeks. My friends have been fantastic, which has been the sweet part. Events have been primarily bad, though.

I had a big discussion with Andrew about the military...the decision time is coming up. I've told some of you that I've started exercising - that's because I want to keep my options open, service-academy-wise. I think I'd make a good officer (okay, you can stop laughing now). I think I'd have a good time. I think I'd do something worthwhile. I think I'd get some useful skills. The problem is that I know there are people who would be less than ecstatic to see me get killed, which would of course be a possibility.

Anyway...you can always offer your opinions on any subjects I expound on by commenting on posts (ahem).

On a hilarious side note, Tim mentioned the possibility of his joining the Marine Corps.

That's about it for now.

Run and tell all of the angels
This could take all night
I think i need a devil to help me get things right
Hook me up a new revolution
Cause this one is a lie
We sat around laughing and watched the last one die

I'm looking to the sky to save me
Looking for a sign of life
Looking for somethin to help me burn about bright
I'm looking for a complication
Looking for cause i'm tired of lying
Make my way back home and learn to fly

Think i'm done nursing the patience
I can wait one night
I'd give it all away if you give me one last try
We'll live happily ever trapped if you just save my life
Run tell the angels that everything's alright

I'm looking to the sky to save me
Looking for a sign of life
Looking for something to help me burn out bright
I'm looking for a complication
Looking cause i'm tired of trying
Make my way back home and learn to fly

Fly along with me I can't quite make it alone
Try to make this life my own
Fly along with me I can't quite make it alone
Try to make this life my own
User Journal

Journal Journal: Quotes

A series of quotes that sum up what's happened in my life recently...

Tim: "What was your eventual solution?"
Me: "I hit my head against a wall. Now my head hurts."

Sarah: "You filmed without me?"
Me: "I'm sorry. They had an M16A1, I couldn't pass it up."

Ben F: "The victorious sultan of Turkey requests a ride home."

Tim [about above quote]: "Assholes."

Ben A: "I'd make such a great Castro."

Tim: "One thinks he's Otto von Bismarck, one thinks she's Arwen, one thinks he's Napoleon...your friends constitute a mental ward."

Me: "Next time we are organizing a game where the alliances are predetermined against Andrew and Ben."

Tim: "You know, this is the first time in a month I haven't had a dream about the Andrushko."

Sarah: "Yeah, and there was this building...the I'm Going To Kick Hanson's Ass Building..."

Andrew: "Dear God, Tim, what is this music?"

Tim: "Sergeant! Sergeant! You forgot your backpack! And your water bottle! Now, promise me you'll wear your MOPP-4 protection the whole time."

What is a Military Training Route? What is a Victor Airway?

Look at the stars; look how they shine for you
And everything you do
Yeah, they were all yellow

I came along; I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called yellow

So then I took my turn
Oh what a thing to have done
And it was all yellow

Your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D'you know?
You know I love you so
You know I love you so

I swam across; I jumped across for you
Oh what a thing to do
Cause you were all yellow

I drew a line; I drew a line for you
Oh what a thing to do
And it was all yellow

And your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D'you know?
For you I bleed myself dry
For you I bleed myself dry

It's true
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for...
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And all the things that you do

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