It's been a strange year, one that has given me plenty of opportunities to change and grow as a person. The biggest surprise to me is how many times people have cited a good sense of humor as one of my chief attributes. Perhaps another surprise is that this comes as such a surprise to me.

2010 has been full of challenges, personal and professional. I've had successes and failures. I've also had successes that turned out to be mixed blessings or even failures and failures that turned out to be not so bad or even successes in disguise.

Why am I posting this here to Slashdot? Nostalgia, I suppose. My last JE here was in May; there's no way to know when my next one will be.

Goodbye 2010, hello 2011.

I just got a phone call from one of the world's leading experts in food safety to ask me if I'd be interested in writing a review article for one of the leading publications in the field. He said that one of the world's other leading experts mentioned me as a good person for the job, and the rest of the editorial board (all high power people) agreed.

Naturally, I said yes.

What's strikes me as funny about this is that the narrow technical field in question (cold plasma) isn't the the other narrow technical field where I'm (ahem) already one of the world's leading experts (irradiation). [I always feel strange saying that w.l.e. bit, but it's true, so I kind of have to accept it.]

This tells me that I've made decent progress toward having two separate feathers in my cap, maybe three depending on how you define them. Coming today as it does, this happening is doubly, even triply bizarre.

It's a strange life I lead, I'll tell you that much.

It was April 23, 2008 that I took over as Acting Head Honcho of that miserable, hideous nest of vipers. After five and a half months, I'd been used up and spit out. I was done with it, and walked away.

The experience made me reconsider a lot of things - about myself, my job, my career arc, what I wanted out of life. Although I'd never really examined it, I'd grown accustomed to people doing what I wanted. It always just seemed to happen that I found myself in charge; people deferred to me, looked to me for guidance, clarity, focus. That would be "leadership", I suppose.

It was quite the shock when I found myself amid people who not only didn't magically follow my lead. The active resistance and slanderous backstabbing was a new experience for me. Although I wanted to prove myself to the higher-ups, I truly went into that environment with the intent to help. However, my motives were assumed to be as venal and corrupt as they were accustomed to. My abilities were dismissed, my skills were denigrated.

That hurt. It took a while for me to regain ground with self-confidence and belief in the value of what I'm doing here. Even with time, it took a lot of effort, on my part and from others, to get me close to the level of performance I was at before.

Why re-hash all of this?

Because we've gone through a re-organization, and I've taken over one of the newly re-formed departments. It's on a temporary, Acting Head Honcho basis. When they open it up, I'll apply and probably get the job.

Why do this? Career management. Self-defense. To prove something to myself.

If someone has to hold the reins of power in my environment, I'd rather it be me than someone with a grudge against me.

It's here, unpacked but not yet up and running. Spent some time last night backing up the old one. At first I started copying individual folders onto a flash drive, then went for the easy route. I plugged a 700GB drive into a spare USB port and said, "Copy C:", then went off to have dinner.

It didn't work, naturally. Files in use, bizarre error messages, etc. So, I had to select files and subfiles for users, program files, all the photos from our digital camera, games, etc. Everything I've ever done for the last 16 years - my PhD, my wife's Master's, nine jobs between the two of us, two apartments, two houses, three cities, four kids, two churches, three public radio stations, innumerable committees, volunteer organizations, etc., etc., etc. - all of it comes to about 28GB. Including the program files for WordPerfect, Neverwinter Nights, Half-Life, Nethack, etc., etc., etc. which I don't use anymore.

Once the new machine is ready, I'll plug this drive in, copy over what I need as I need it. After a month or so, it will be gathering dust again on the shelf.

Our household budget is still running on QuattroPro. I made the switch to Excel at work years ago. That will be a project of top priority, since I don't want to install QuattroPro on the new machine. There's no point.

After something like 7 years, we're upgrading our computer. The new machine is one of these: Pentium E5400(2.70GHz) 4GB DDR2 750GB NVIDIA GeForce 7050 Windows 7 Home Premium 64-bit. Monitor, keyboard & mouse will be carried over.

By modern standards, it's a decent machine for home use, light bookkeeping, light gaming. By the standards of the machine it will replace, my wife and I use, it's the Enterprise-D. This will be a huge step up for us. I should say for her, really, though, it's become my wife's computer almost exclusively, since I tend to use my netbook + WiFi. We bought a separate computer for the kids a few months ago, also with a WiFi adapter. The combination of going from dial-up to high speed cable internet plus the wireless router my brother-in-law gave us for Christmas a year ago has changed everything about how we do things.

What finally prompted us to scratch together the money for this upgrade was Plants vs. Zombies. My wife has gotten addicted to it, but our machine was having problems with it. Crashes meant I had to turn off the 3D acceleration and downgrade some of the other video acceleration, which makes it jerky to play.

This machine was perfectly adequate to run Age of Empires, Neverwinter Nights, and other games that are more complicated than PvZ, but they stress it in different ways. We discussed the possibility of just taking the machine out of service for a while so I could wipe the drive and reinstall WinXP. There are about a billion demands on my time at the moment, though, and finding the time to do that was an ongoing problem. The machine is old enough that replacing it is not out of line.

I have no idea what we're going to do with 750GB, though.

Just got off the phone with someone who wanted to talk over the possibility of a grant application. As we talked, I relayed facts when I knew them, expressed opinions and what they were based on, and made speculations (clearly identified as such). We each brought unique info and perspectives to the conversation.

At the end, although we'd pooled our knowledge, it didn't seem to me like we were any farther along toward any kind of a resolution or positive outcome. Still, he'd said mid-conversation and again at the end that he really appreciated the opportunity to tap into my "wisdom".

Wisdom? Hell, I don't know any more about it than you do. I just made sure to read the fine print in the documentation and draw a few pretty obvious inferences.

I don't know. Maybe that's what passes for wisdom these days, simple attention to detail and the willingness to look past the smoke and mirrors. People see a couple of million dollars hanging out there, ripe for the plucking, they get all excited. They don't think to look for the worm in the apple, or the thorns on the rose, or for any other metaphors for "this is more complicated than it seems".

Ah, I just found the website that covers this situation. I knew I'd bookmarked it: "No One Knows What the F*** They're Doing (or: The 3 Types of Knowledge)". Read it. Very insightful.

I've been navigating through a reorganization at work. There's been a lot of uncertainty, rumors, and mixed signals. In particular, one guy that I supervise has made it clear that he doesn't want to work for me directly. He doesn't care for my style, my approach, my personality, etc. I think he's afraid of me or intimidated by me. In any case, he wants to work for another guy.

The guy he wants to work for doesn't do very much. I am currently without any technical support, and continue to have lots of administrative work to get done. Frankly, I not only need a senior support person more, it's a little silly that I'm the leader of this project and I have to put up with a string of low-level people, temps, summer students, part-timers, etc.

However, the last thing I need is to have my support person be sullen and resentful. I've tried to be as accommodating, reasonable and personally supportive as I can, but sometimes we are called on to do things that aren't our first choice.

Today, he initiated a conversation where he said how unhappy he was about the uncertainties of this coming reorg. He hinted that he might go elsewhere if he didn't get the job assignment he wanted.

I told him that uncertainty is hard on everyone, that I'd been part of negotiations to sort out work assignments that would make the maximum number of people maximally happy and/or satisfied. I told him that the plan we'd worked out was a good one, but that it might get thrown out the window by someone farther up the chain, in which case we would either take it and make do, or leave to find work elsewhere.

At some point in the conversation, he got a surprised look and said, "In all the times we've had this conversation, I've always tried to be up front about telling you what I want. I guess it never really occurred to me that you are kind of in the same boat with all this uncertainty. I never really thought to ask you what *you* want."

So, I told him. I told him in plain language exactly what I was looking for in a support person, both in skill set and temperament, and why I thought he'd be good for the job. I also made it clear that I understood he didn't want to work for me. If it would result in him turning sullen and dour, then our working relationship would degenerate until it would be worse that useless for both of us.

The expression of amazement and astonishment on his face was remarkable. All along, through everything, he's seen me as... what? A robot? A blue box on a management chart? A mannequin in the corner office? Certainly not as a person. It was clearly a new paradigm for him to consider that I might have some hopes and desires, some wants and needs that would either be fulfilled or dashed, depending on how things turn out.

He had been concerned solely with his own happiness. I'm not going to believe that his is now concerned with *my* happiness, but I think that he is now at least *aware* of my happiness, or lack thereof.

That's called empathy, or the beginnings of it.

Something to think about as I go for a walk over lunchtime, enjoying the spring-like weather.

Like, twenty pounds or so.

Good game, good commercials. I went into this rooting for the Colts, but I had to respect the Saints for the come from behind effort. It wasn't that the Colts choked; far from it, I thought they played very well. The Saints simply dominated, with tight, precise playing.

Well done New Orleans.

In various places, I've seen people moaning about what a terrible thing has happened to Massachusetts with the election of a REPUBLICAN to Uncle Teddy's Senate seat. Oh, what a horrible day for Massachusetts and for the country! What a tragedy that Coakley didn't carry the day!

Bullshit.

Today is a great day for Massachusetts. Why? Because the people of that state exercised their rights and elected the candidate that appealed to the most voters. Not the person who *should* have won, or the person who was *supposed* to win, but the person who made a stronger case to more people.

Will Brown be a good Senator? Will he represent the interests of the people of Massachusetts with vigor and honor? Or will he turn out to be the psycho neo-con wingnut he's been portrayed as?

We'll find out, won't we?

This is a great day for Massachusetts and for America. In this election, and in the rest of this Senate term, everybody will have a chance to experience the power of democracy. If he's good, they'll keep him. If he's a nut, they'll get rid of him. Solid one-party rule, either on the scale of an individual city or state or on the larger scale of a nation, leads to complacency, arrogance and corruption.

Under one-party rule, it doesn't take long for the party to stop serving the interests of the people and shift its focus to serving the interests of the party. Shaken and scared after having been thrown into the outer darkness, the no-longer-in-power have a chance to return their orientation to meeting the needs of the people. In the meantime, a viable two-party environment means that compromise becomes the order of the day.

Congratulations to Brown, and congratulations to the people of Massachusetts. The founding fathers would be proud of both of you.

Title of the journal entry pretty much says it all.

You can drink Bacardi Special Reserve Dark, the kind of stuff that comes with a ribbon around the neck of the bottle. You can sip it from a French crystal highball glass, with ridges cut so fine you could shave with them. Every swallow can burn your lips and melt your tongue like the memory of your first kiss, the fumes rising through your head like a sunrise over a frozen lake.

And in the end, you will be what you have been so often in the past.

Drunk and sad.

Therapy is really, really, really fucking exhausting. Like having one of your long bones broken so that it can be reset, properly this time.

You know the shit of it?

It's all voluntary.

My older daughter (7) just got her first pair of glasses, to correct farsightedness. She's the first of my four kids to need them.

VERY stylish purple frames, and cute as can be.

I think I'm going to die from the cuteness, actually.

Not a good year for me. I'm taking some specific steps to try to make 2010 better.

To everyone here, Merry Christmas and best wishes for a Happy New Year.

I saw 2012 last week. If you like explosions, crashes (car/plane/boat/motorcycle/helicopter/whatever), earthquakes, volcanoes, tidal waves, destruction, screaming, people bursting into flames/being crushed/falling off high cliffs/drowned, as well as massive coincidences and turgid pontification on what it means to be human, you'll like this movie.

If you like plotting above second grade or believable characters, don't bother.

Reviewer #1: The author didn't even provide any sense of how this might be taking place. Mechanism?

My response:

A possible mechanism for the reduction in sensitivity to irradiation may be related to the shift in bacterial physiology associated with the biofilm phenotype (Costerton, 2004). It has long been known that actively dividing cells in log phase are more sensitive to DNA damage during irradiation, while quiescent cells, as in lag phase, are less susceptible (WHO, 1994). In this context, cells within a maturing biofilm may progressively exhibit phenotypic traits which would impact the antimicrobial efficacy of irradiation, such as increased efficiency of DNA repair mechanisms. Alternatively, the dense EPS-like material surrounding the bacterial cells may act as a quenching agent, neutralizing the hydroxyl radicals produced during irradiation before they can damage the bacterial cell membranes. Increasing density of the EPS-like material may provide increasing levels of protection to cells suspended therein. However, while these putative mechanisms provide a basis for future research, it must be acknowledged that the data from the present study does not provide the biochemical analysis necessary to validate them.

Take that, sonny boy.