Oh, I'm not in favor of total market deregulation, far from it! However, I think its possible that not every problem is solved by another regulation either. I'm FAR from being a Libertarian or anything like that, government is a tool, use the best tool for the job.
As far as #1 is concerned... There are 2 answers to that. First of all if you're going to let other people do your investing, then indeed you will give up some control. Secondly though the people DOING the investing have a fiduciary responsibility to you, so they should be picking the best markets. If they aren't then your later comments about going after scumbags apply.
As for #2, it doesn't really work that way. The govt didn't bail out ANY retirement funds (at least not private sector ones, nor any mutual funds and similar, money markets, etc). There were some people made whole for certain things out of FDIC or other insurance, but presumably they were paying for that via the premiums coming out of their returns, so its not QUITE a bailout, though perhaps the premiums are subsidized. So in the final analysis the problem isn't that the investors are too big to fail, its the firms themselves that get the bailouts.
I don't think any of that should happen, so I agree with you entirely, if one of these firms goes bust then the feds should come in, take 100% control and deal with it in whatever manner is required. The stock holders can simply deal, they invested, they selected the management that created the problem, they took the profits, they get the risks and consequent losses. If it was done right, the investors would certainly lead the charge to hold people accountable, they don't have the motivation if they're bailed out though.