Actually, you'll find that the stock Android experience is a. more popular among most users than the likes of Sense and Touchwiz, and b. is becoming more available as carriers are starting to pick up on that. Not to mention that replacing the entire GUI in Android is trivial: go to the Market (pardon me, "Play Store") and pick any one of a dozen or more different user interfaces. Most of them are free, and several simply blow away the stock interface (my Android phone has six different GUIs available at a touch.) You have exactly ONE: the one that Apple gives you. I hope you like it, because that's all you'll ever have.
So far as I'm concerned, that makes you the one stuck with the "crap device", one that is deliberately and with malice aforethought severely limited in scope. You are an Apple user, so I don't expect you to be able to remotely comprehend that, but there it is. You know, in the world of desktop operating systems most people are very open to the idea of choice, of being able to choose from a variety of options. Put an iPhone or Mac in their hands, and suddenly "there can be only one." If that's not a tribute to the power of marketing and general gullibility I don't know what is, but it's entertaining at least. To my fellow Android users, here's something you can try: point out to one of your iPhone-using friends something that Android does better (and there are many.) Watch their eyes bulge as they try to find a way to dispute your claims. Then laugh when they finally come back with, "Okay, so fine it does that ... but why would you want to?" Never fails.
Your problem, as with most iUsers, is that you just don't grasp that there is an entire spectrum of Android devices out there, from crap to awesome, rather than just the few models of iPhone with which you are comfortable. You want to make simple, easy comparisons but you just can't do that. All cars are not Lamborghinis you know, and all Android phones are not top-of-the line. From my perspective, that's a good thing because unlike you, I get to pick the features and functions that I want, not what Apple thinks I want.
In any event, because there are so many different Android devices available, you simply cannot make sweeping statements about them without coming off as something of an idiot, as Dr. House would no doubt say if he were here right now.