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Comment I'm Happy to Explain This (Score 5, Funny) 189

Back in the Day -- as we geezers like to begin the sentences we use to talk down to you -- having that box on your desk prompt you for a password was a much more rare and curious thing than it is today. Our computer-y crap sat right there in the box by our legs, or maybe down the hall in that cold room with the raised floor with the fat bastard in it. And we would have li'l whispered conversations with the fat bastard as we passed him in the Break Room, like "I know you know my password, you fat bastard, and if I ever think for a heartbeat that you're going through my crap I will key your car and beat you like a baby seal." Our passwords were the things meant to keep our crap from the prying eyes of the sinister-but-clever sociopaths in Marketing and Accounting who would indeed rifle our desks for clues, like children's and pet names, in order to look at our computer-y crap. So selecting a password like P*/34_##FuK-U-Joey!!39* had real value. So today, when industry insists we store our computer-y crap -- which now includes bank account access, photo albums, our music collections, and christ-knows what else -- on servers spread around the world operated by even fatter bastards whom we don't see and can't effectively intimidate, it should come as no surprise the habit has stayed with us, despite being prompted for passwords every twenty minutes...

Comment You're Wrong! (Score 5, Funny) 371

My smartphone is made from low-fat granola pieces glued together from wheat reaped by freedom-loving highly-paid yet-still-spiritualistic gay Tibetan monks who are all married to one another and turn all their after-tax profits over to Greenpeace.

Of course it doesn't work, but I feel really good about owning it and it's a great conversation-starter with the cute angry Goth chicks who hang out in my local hipster food co-op in Brooklyn.

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