I wonder if you took two servers running slash and put them in seperate rooms and put the Slashdot janitors in one and put a dozen or so brain-dead lab apes in the other. Could you tell the difference between the two versions of slashdot? Now, you would have to give the apes a truckload of $5 crack and let them sodimize each other for several weeks on end, so both groups start out on even ground. But, would you be able no note the difference? I think so. I think that the apes could figure out how to use a spell checker and have a basic grasp of sentance structure. Two things, that in all these years, Taco and his goons have yet to figure out. The quality of articles selected would be the same. An ape would be slapping the keyboard with his schlong and would be psudo-randomly adding articles to the front page. It should come as no supprise to you that this is the exact method used my most of the slashdot staff. Another difference would be how long the Katz-ape would survive within the group. The Katz-ape would generate posts by humping the keyboard and submitting the resulting random garbage, but the other apes would realise that the Katz-ape was worthless and was better used as food. Jon Katz on the other hand generates his posts by humping a little boy. Comments? Discuss below:

I had an odd experience this morning. I went to take my Good Morning Shit and it produced a turd much like yesterdays. It was hard to get out and was very small. It was exactly like yesterdays. So, I went back to my desk to start another ignorance filled day. I wasn't at my desk for more than five minutes when I felt like I had to shit again. Bad. I got to the bathroom ASAP. I shat again and it was semi-solid. It was almost explosive in force. It was a generic brown and stunk like low tide at the shore. I wiped as quickly as possible and got out of there. It is 30 minutes later and it still stinks in there. Some cow-orker just commented on it. He says it smells like a burning tire dunp in there. It also smells in the hallway and in the breakroom. I rate this turd as a 8.

Thanks to all who voted in the 2001 Troll Awards. I have added up all the votes and here is what came out:

-Best Troll of 2001: Egg Troll
      Other Nominees:
      Genghis Troll
      The WIPO Troll
      TRoLLaXoR
      Big_Ass_Spork
      The Turd Report
      sllort
      Klerck
      Ralph JewHater Nader

-Worst Troll of 2001: WIPO Troll
      Other nominees:
      CmderTaco
      Big Ass Spork
      JonKatz
      George WIPO Bush
      The Lyrics Guy
      Flarners
      Frank White
      Wil Wheaton
      Klerck

-Most Improved Troll: WIPO Troll
      Other nominees:
      The Turd Report
      core10k
      Big_Ass_Spork
      Archie Bunker
      Perdida
      BankofAmerica_ATM

-Troll Lifetime Achievement Award: The Turd Report
      Other nominees:
      WIPO Troll
      Sunken Kursk
      Egg Troll
      OSM
      The_Messenger
      Shoeboy
      Big_Ass_Spork

-Best Troll post of 2001: Egg Troll's GPL Troll
      Other nominees:
      The mimbleton attack
      I DO IT WRONG! post
      The Turd Report's reports
      The 2001 Troll Awards
      Taco Snotting FAQ
      Egg Troll's C: A Dead Language? troll
      anything by The Messenger

-Best CrapFlood Material: ASCII goatse.cx
      Other nominations:
      Taco Snotting
      I DO IT WRONG! post
      Any Adeqacy crapola
      All AC posts
      Klerck's page widening/lengthening posts

-Most hated Slashdot Janitor: Michael
      Other nominees:
      JonKatz
      Roblimo
      Timothy
      Cliff
      Jamie
      CmdrTaco

-Slashdot Janitor Most Likely to Get Fired: Jon Katz
      Other nominees:
      Michael
      Timothy
      ChrisD
      Cliff
      Jamie
      All of them

-Troll You Would Want to Drink a Beer With: WIPO Troll
      Other nominees:
      Genghis Troll
      TRoLLaXor
      Fort Knox
      The Turd Report
      euroderf
      The Messenger
      mackga
      Egg Troll
      The Lyrics Guy
      Big Ass Spork

-Troll That You Would Not Want to Be Trapped in an Elevator With: WIPO Troll
      Other nominees:
      Ghengis Troll
      Frank White
      Wil Wheaton
      Klerck
      Any Spork

-Gayest Slashdot Poster: TIE! Big_Ass_Spork or Anonymous Coward
      Other nominees:
      rasactive
      WIPO Troll
      Anyone who has something about ignoring ACs in their sig
      Will Wheaton
      Wakko Warner
      Wntrmute
      JonKatz
      Michael
      CowboyNeal

Announcing the 2001 Troll Award Nominations. Please take a moment to
email me your votes for the following catagories:

-Best Troll of 2001
-Worst Troll of 2001
-Most Improved Troll
-Troll Lifetime Achievement Award
-Best Troll post of 2001
-Best CrapFlood Material
-Most hated Slashdot Janitor
-Slashdot Janitor Most Likely to Get Fired
-Troll You Would Want to Drink a Beer With
-Troll That You Would Not Want to Be Trapped in an Elevator With
-Gayest Slashdot Poster

This will be reposted until the Jan 4th, 2001. I will add the results and let you all know the winner.

POLLS ARE CLOSED!!!!11!!1!

Happy New Year Fans! I had chicken fingers with 911 hot sauce and the better part of a fifth of Johnny Walker Gold Label last night. I had the 'Ring of Fire' this morning. It took a good minute of pushing to get it going. It was about a foot long and I could not tell what color it was. They turn the lights off in 'non-essential' parts of the building during the weekends and holidays, so I pooped in the dark. There was an odd smell, kind of like dirt after I shit. Odd. It flushed easily, but the clean up was a mess. I must have used 1/4th of the roll. I rate this turd a 6.

I had two grilled ham and cheese sandwiches yesterday for lunch. They were edible, but not much else. I had a very small turd this morning; this is not suprising due to the fact that I did not eat much during the day. The turd did not want to come out easily, so it took a good amount of pushing to get it out. Some cow-orker waddling in and talking to me during my dump did not help the situation. I kept trying to brush him off with short, terse answers, but he kept babbling on. It was about 'Lord of the Rings'. I tell him I haven't seen it. He can't comprehend that I haven't seen the movie. He walks away, stunned. It (the turd, not the cow-orker) was about 6 inches long and very thin. It was a generic turd brown and smelled just like you think a turd would smell. It flushed with ease. I rate this turd as a 5.

We had pork loin for lunch yesterday. It was pretty good. I had a steak burrito and pork tamalies for dinner. It was also very good. My turd was much more solid today. It took a bit of pushing to get it out, but that seems to be the norm. It was a real stinker due to the hot sauce I put on the burrito. It almost made me tear-up due to the stench. The smell lingered in the bathroom for a good 15 minutes. The turd was about 16in long and was of an average diameter. It was a consistant brown color with black chunks. (I put black beans in my burritos) It was a satisfying turd and I give it a rating of 7.

They made an attempt to bring us a Christmas dinner here at work yesterday. I had ham and some yams. I had pumpkin pie dor dessert. It was ok, I guess. I have been a bit ill as of late and it has caused some problems with respect to my turds. I have had some very loose stool. This morning I had to rush to the bathroom; I felt like I was going to shit myself. The turd had no shape and was a dark brown color. There was a slight smell to it. Part of the turd stuck to the bowl after flushing. It took another flush to get it down. I rate this turd as a 3.

Hello everyone. I am glad to be back home! I had 3 steak tacos last night. They were very good. I was kinda bound up from my flight. The turd was very big; it was about 2 days worth of poo. The turd was multi colored and the color division was almost right in the middle. I had a bagel and braunschwager with some tea before I left Amsterdam. The European part of the turd was a light brown in color and the American side was a much darker brown. It was very hard. There was no smell to it at all and the wipe was about the cleanest you can get. It did take two flushes to get the turd to align itself right so it would go down the tube. I rate this turd an '8.5'.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Oh My God! michael mentions me by name. I have arrived!

Due to excessive bad posting from this IP or Subnet, comment posting has temporarily been disabled. If it's you, consider this a chance to sit in the timeout corner. If it's someone else, this is a chance to hunt them down. If you think this is unfair, please email jamie@mccarthy.vg.

Some crack-smoker followed me into a journal and modded my -1 post down.

I had a nasty cheese steak yesterday. It was very greasy. It made a very sloppy turd. It took a bit of pushing to get it going, then it just ploped out in one big woosh. The smell had some serious funk to it. It had no shape and had a blob like appearance; it was about 10cm in diameter. It was reddish-brown in color. When I flushed most of it stuck to the side of the bowl. I had to use wet-wipes to get a good cleaning when I was finished.

Please take a moment to vote in my poll:

1. What does the best job at cleaning your poo-hole?
2. Corncob
3. Toilet-paper (1-ply)
4. Toilet-paper (2-ply)
5. Wet wipes
6. Wash cloth
7. CowboyNeal

Slashdot claims to have several editors on its staff. This is not true. Editors are people who edit. What does it mean to edit? Well, according to 'm-w.com' to edit means: to prepare for publication or public presentation. Does the Slashdot staff do this? Hardly. The readers who submit stories do this; they prepare the stories for slashdot. The staff just cuts and pastes them onto the front page. Editors also check for spelling and grammar. Editors also try to show both sides of a story; the Slashdot staff is some of the most biased people on the net. Just look at the icon for Microsoft posts to see this bias in action.
So, if they are not editors, what are they? They are janitors. Janitors clean up and put things back in place. The Slashdot staff cleans up troll vomit and crap floods. The janitor at my old high school was a big track star 'back in the day' but now he is just an old fool that the kids made fun of. He never really got it. He thought he ran the school just because he had the keys to the front door. It is the same with the Slashdot staff, they used to be important, but now they are just old fools who can't even remember what stories they posted just a few days back. The Slashdot staff also believes that they run the site, but it is OSDN that runs the show. The Slashdot staff doesn't see or hear the kids laughing behind their backs.
Please discuss

I had sushi from Yoko, in Herndon, last night. I had shrimp, crab, salmon, and tuna sushi. It was wonderful. I also had mizo soup and a container of saki. The Japaneese make good watches and cameras; their food makes good turds. My turd this morning was nice and soft. It came out like a dream. A slight push and out it came. The wipe was very clean. It had a consistant color: brown. It was about 15 inches long. There was a pungent odor that let you know it was a good turd. I give this turd an 8.

I had another burrito last night. God, they are good. It made a nice turd. Well, that might be a bit misleading. the turd had no form to it, so I can't really call it a turd. It was more like a blob. It was brown with black spots in it from the black beans. It smelled pretty rank and one of my cow-orkers commented on it. "God, what is that stink?!", the cow-orker asked. "It's my turd! I made it myself," I yelled over the stall door. The turd came out easily and was satisfying. I rate this turd as a 7.