okay so the mono is getting better minus the fact I've got a complication with it, which is hives all over my entier body, I mean they are everywhere. inbetween my fingers and on the plams of my hands, up and down my legs, across my stomach and back, linning my arms. it itches and hurts. and is incredibly uncomfterble. so uh i kinda got an ity bity crush on tony connor, tony bangarang or who i like to call vegas. yeah i duno whats gonna come of that. probably nothing because i suck at realtionships and stuff. im gonna go to sleep cause im still sick and stuff we have off from school tomorrow maybe ill actually sit down and do some school work.

so i got blood drawn today. i did good. i have found a winning combination for this. i go and sit down and just shut my eyes tight and look the other way and stick my arm out at the lady. she said your gonna feel a pinch. i chopped on my tounge wich by the way tastes discusting because i now have these white pussy patches on my tonsils, which smells horrible. and taste worse. the only thing that makes it hurt less it gargeling with salt water. they give me goose bumps thinking about them cause they are so gross.

OH man my mom just found some of those listerine pocket pack things. yeah oh man my throat feels better now. a little less vile.

but i do ahve to say i enjoyed the descripition i gave to tom.

(16:58:52) Tom: How ya feeling?
(16:58:55) Rachel: yucky
(16:58:59) Rachel: sweaty and grossy
(16:59:04) Rachel: and my mouth tastes like satan
(16:59:10) Rachel: like if satan just ran like 7 miles
(16:59:12) Rachel: in hell
(16:59:16) Rachel: and you licked his arm
(16:59:21) Rachel: thats what my mouth tastes like
(16:59:57) Tom: Ew.
(17:00:02) Rachel: and ive decided that if i have a fever over 99 degress
(17:00:07) Rachel: that im delusional

and this is definatly a first.

(17:02:01) Tom: Ah. So I've talked to a few people up here, and they said it's not normal to share drinks and food like people do in Doylestown.
(17:02:09) Tom: Meh.
(17:02:13) Rachel: really
(17:02:14) Rachel: weird
(17:02:26) Rachel: i share food with everyone
(17:02:36) Rachel: like if you buy somehting and your with othre people
(17:02:42) Rachel: they are intitled to what ever you got
(17:02:45) Rachel: just as much as you are
(17:02:53) Rachel: unless they are like
(17:03:06) Rachel: holy shit im like a staving cambodian
(17:03:15) Rachel: dont touch my food and sustanince

and i deffinatly think im a lot wittier when sick.

edit: so mono from the epstien barr virus is a form of herpes. you never get rid of it, it stays dormint in your throat for ever, gross. rachel has herpes. HAHAHAHHA I CAN GIVE PEOPLE HERPES! lets seduce ryan and give him herpes.

"If you've had mono, it may be a good idea not to share that ice cream soda for about 6 months after you start feeling better. You also should avoid kissing, too - although a quick peck on the cheek shouldn't put anyone at risk!"

awwww no kissing for six months! how will rachel survive? slash cry

so all signs seem to be pointing to Rachel having mono. minus the fact that the highest fever she had was a 99.4 but we must remeber Rachel has subnormal temprature. or something along those lines. other wise, the sore throat, inflammed lyph nodes, head ache, loss of appitite, and swollen spleen. all coincide. though my spleen gets swollen randomly, or will hurt randomly. and i have to say i have decided now would not be the best time to decide to be a professionaly wrestler, boxer, football player, mover, or a pilaties instructor. seeing as my spleen could possibly rupture. which i can tell you would not be good. cause thatd mean id be immuno surpressed. well it seems that i most likely dont have cancer. my dad scared me. so did my book. what ever. good deal.

in other news. nope there is no real other news. other then im prolly getting blood work done tomorrow and im scared to death of needles. so that might be the end of the world i've gotta check my calandar.

OH! and anyone who knows some good remedies to kick this bad boy please tell. im already doing the whole vitamin c and zinc deal. does anyone know what happens if you take too much zinc cause i know vitamin c doesnt hurt you, you just pee a lot more. lol.

damn with all this free time i wish i could work on my abs, but that spleen deal is really a killer. maybe i can pursuade my docotor to cut it out, along with my tonsils. cause i mean tonsils you really really dont need, and i think i can get along with being immuno surpressed. my aunt does it. hey they can get rid of my gul bladder too if they want. haha. i mean ive convinced him that i have gills*, that sea world is looking to hire me, and that im turning into a fish. and that i really dont have a wart on my thumb its just a calus, he said next time i come hes recording everything i say cause im absolutly outragous. apparently im the funniest sick person ever. maybe i could have my own show.

OH and if anyone wants to bring me some stand up on dvd *cough*dane cook*cough* i would love you forever.

*when i was little i heard about evolution and i saw fish had gills, and i thought the glands on your neck were the remminence of the gils from fish, i thought it was the best discovery ever. i still call them gils. and people still look at me funny. but thats okay. i still call club crackers golf crackers. lets see, what else did i give a crazy name. meh i dont know.

im gonna go get a shower, and put curlers in my hair, cause im bored and im feeling abmitious. plus im going to school tomorrow to get some crap done, then im going for the blood test and stuff. hopefully im pleasant enough to not hit osmeone upside the face with a baseball bat or something.

and hearts ;

so theres a possiblity that i have walking pnumonia.
again.
my glands on my neck are all swollen to the point where i cant turn my head right or left. and if i raise my chin up you can see ripples in my neck. it hurts to breather either striaght across my diaphram and that makes me feel like ive gotta puke everytime. or my left lung has this like rattely pain thing in the back. and sometimes my heart just starts to hurt. my head hurts. but honestly i can get through the day fine.

im afriad to miss school because i wont be able to catch up with the work.

im gonna go take some vitamin c and go to bed33

p.s. i go for my drivers test on october 14th.

edit: so right now i have a lymphatic infection that if it gets any worse like by middle of next week. it means i have mono.

okay so I've been ridiculously busy. playing two sports working almost everyday doing all of my homework. yeah. im so worn out i need to actually get some sleep. im so tired. i wanna go to bed but ive gotta do some homework and stuff. i ahve to write a boast in Beowulf style for english its gonna be sucko. i hate english i guess the teacher is alright but i just never liked english ive known how to speak it since i was like one and all. seriously. after like 6th grade we know all we need to about it. what evs.

so i've gotta get my anatomy homework all done. i got so confused by blood types. i finaly taught it to myself right. so if you have A blood you also ahve B antibodies. so if type B blood is given to you the antibodies attack it. and the A antibodies from the B blood attack your A RBCs yeah. convienient. and if Rh is present the first time it doesnt matter if its + or - but the second time you get blood you would be sensitized and your antibodies would attack.

yay for learning.

so theres nothing really that new or exciting. other then that my dad found cheaper insurance and ill prolly be getting my license real soon. yay. that means driving to work and everywhere else. yay.

so we need to find me a boy. cause i need someone to cuddle with and i dont think tony would really wanna cuddle he just wants some ass. meh. hes cute. i duno ill play it by ear.

so this whole Lauren deal, the girl who killed herself. or what ever happened. i heard today that she hung herself. her veiwing is wednesday. so if she did hang herself she will be really bloated and then everyone will know what actually happened.

on another note. Ryan really does have a girlfriend. i dont care, i just needed closure really either way. he got back together with his ex. who broke up with him for the summer, personaly i think thats pretty lame. what ever im over it. i really wish he didnt pick her. what ever. obvoiusly i cant compare, seeing as i am not that jess girl.

i took my night pictures for photo and they didnt turn out right. and i have to take them again and i didnt go tonight cause i dont know but things are just insane today. OH GOD I JUST REALIZED THAT IVE GOT TONS OF ENGLISH HOMEWORK.
and i was just about to go run a bunch cause i need to tone up. and because when im upset/what ever it is. i need to do somehting to get my endorphins flowing because i will just sprial downward.
okay gonna go do my homework. cause i need to get good grades this year.

today has been the worst day in history.

1.a girl in my school died, the cause is unknown they are calling it suicide at the moment.
2.my dad is now on blood pressure medicine, and could have a stroke at any moment or his heart could just fail.
3.justin ogden is a fucking asshole. i wanna hit him in the face with a rusty chain saw. hes just mean for no reason.
4.ryan was with another girl and apparently they are together.
5.justin was talking about me or something to people for no fucking reason.
6.my friend's dad died.
7.my dad is in jepordey of losing his job in the next couple months
8.i called maureen, she was crying.later i found out she had some bad reaction to her migrain medicine and her mom and her got in a huge fight.
9.i used my atm for the first time, and it owuldnt give me money but it said i took 20 bucks out, and i went in and was in the bank for forty minutes and my bank account says that i took out forty bucks, when i only took out twenty.
10.my parents were freaking out because i was out passed 9:30.
11.one of my pitchers from softball broke her ankel so badly that she needs screws and her whole leg is imobilized. shes in a cast up to her hip. it was a spiral fracture.
12.i havent heard from my cousin in two weeks. hes over in afganastan.
13.ive gotta talk to my counciler about the NCAA clearing house which they refused to sign me up for before, and ive got to sign up for sats.
14.ive got to email loads of college coaches because im going to florida in a month. and a week.

these past two days ahve sucked more then my entier life.

its time for school like a little bit people are screaming cause they are cranky i told my mom i was cranky and she stopped talking to me. im in lazy mode right now im in my softball sweatpants, and a band shirt. but i still look cute i guess?

so uh yeah ryan is awesome. hes adorable. i biked to the park in maureens neighborhood one night met him there. and talked a bunch i was in a tanktop and was freezing and he gave me his sweatshirt. it was adorable. maureen came over. we seriously all spooned in the playground for hours. it was soooo cold. i fell asleep at one point in ryans arms. it was adorable. four oclock rolled around,. maureen asked what time my dad wakes up at. i said four. so i was gonna hit the road in a bit. she left. ryan wouldnt let me give him his sweatshirt back, cause he said its a cold ride home. it was adorable. maureen left. we stood hugging a while. he kissed my forehead :3 so i kissed him and left.
hes a keeper ive decided.

okay so this guy comes in clemens yesterday. and i helpped him find sprite one night. cuase he said he might have passed it cause hes really dyslexic. and all. so i find it for him. he thanks me and i end up rining him up when hes done shopping. well he comes in yesterday to tell me he had a dream about me. yeah weird. he said i was in his appartment looked into his bedroom smiled waved and made him some coffee and left. he said it was really life like too. weird.

oh and im sick of old guys hitting on me. telling me i have a pretty smile or pretty eyes.

oh and pepsi guy is the cutest person ever. he better be there when i am on thursday. or ill be real upset.
p.s. hes the cutest person ever cause he walked behind my register and gave me a peice of his candy bar, walked back a bit later and asked if i thought it was good. cause i hadnt tried a take five before. yeah. i still ahve that question for him i even told him and he disappeared.

i got paid today, i put some money away for car insurance and some away for college. good deal. so now im left with only a little money. what evs. i think im gonna buy myself a new cell phond plan that i myself can pay for. yeah...went to sean's tonight hung out with jason, watched myth busters, played pool, and walked to clemens, oh and i stepped in dog shit.
gross yeah.

oh and i am right 97% of the time. haha yeah.

work tomorrow 10-6. maybe the pepsi guy is working...cause ive got a bone to pick with him. well no just a question lol. i was talking to him the other day and he heard about the me ryan thing. he gives good advice.
ill explain later cause im gonna go sit in my romm and listen to some music.

i've been so busy between work, soccer, softball, trying to have a social life, getting ready for school, which starts tomorrow. i havent had time for much of anything. ive got a cold. i dont know if ryan likes me or not its driving me nuts. im going to plantation florida which is near fort lauderdale and near miami on halloween weekend for softball im going to hang out with the band the glasses otter they are like the coolest bunch of guys ever. maybe theyll come and see me play or something. i work four to ten tomorrow after school... i feel like im underwater i keep coughing. and its gross. i look gross i havent showered in two days, cause i slept over maureens last night and i didnt feel like taking one today. ive had the same hair style or well my hair has been the same way for two days but now its kinda gross and trashy looking. my classes are mediocore this year. ive got anatomy first block then photo 2. brit lit and art 2. i think i might be able to survive im not to sure. english this year i have to try as hard as i can to get along with this teacher.

what evs. i want ryan to hang out with me some time in the near future. cause i still really freakin like the kid.

also i really wanna bust my ass and get straight a's if possible. no no i know its possible, i just needa do my freakin homework. or copy it at least. i also wanna start running more and stuff. cause eric is right ive gotten pudgey and it makes me sad. cause i used to be so skinny, now i eat crap and stuff. i wanna cut out pretty much all fried foods and crap.

okay im so fucking sick of my moms petty antics. okay i ask her if i can sleep over maureens, she tells me no, and i ask her why. she tells me she doesnt have to justify it with me, yes you fucking do because i havent done anything wrong to get punished. then she agrees to let karen drive me to the movies. but then karen doesnt wanna go to the movies. so im stuck here. i got in a huge fight with my mom, and i stormed outta the house walked around a bit, ive decided its impossible to live this way. when i dont do anything wrong how can i get punished? she tells me she has things to do and shes not doing them. its not my bloody fault. she cant use that as an aswer any more. seroiusly.

another excuse is because im only 16. mom jesus christ im almost 17. get over it. im always going to be a child to you. stop fucking controling my life because once i leave ill never visit you. im not even kidding, you are just pushing me away. you make me hate you. you do a whole load of shit for me, but the thing is. i am young im supposed to have fun. why wont you let me do that?

yeah i cooled off what ever. im not pissed anymore. pms really sucks. i really want ryan to come over tonight.

edit: im thinking of going to homecoming this year.

okay i would like to thank a few people and things, thank you tom for listening to me bitch about everything i love you to death, thank you maureen for being so fucking awesome, thank you pms for making me moody and thank you infection for making my earing hole hurt...a lot.

okay so i cried myself to sleep last night it started out me being so annoyed at the ryan situation because i dont know, i never think boys like me the way i want them too and stuff. and he didnt call me back last night so it made me sad. and i found out it was because he got sicky and took like nyquill and he was out like a light so thats understandable, but hes better now which is good. so yeah i was upset that boys dont like me and that im not good enough then i started to cry more about why im so repulsive, then i started crying about my cousin being on mine clearing detail and stuff. and then it got back to boys. and i fell asleep sometime around 3:30 after like an hour and a half of crying.

so holster came over today and stuff. oh and maureen was talking to ryan and ryan asked her if holster was a threat....so yeah wtf. im so confused. jesus tap dancing christ.

oh and whats funny is the whole clemens staff is like following our little relationship
lmao. itd be like if laureili and luke split up that one time, some people would be on my side and some would be on his hahaha. gay. not gonna happen.
sldnfslnf i likes him...a lot. i think me maureen and him should hang out after he gets off work...or at least me. cause i needa cuddle real bad.

so im still really really congestied.

almost enough not to go to work. ive got to work for 6 hours too. and i duno when ryan gets off. lmao i asked him that yesterday and hes like when ever i can. yeah after i had said it i was like oh damn im retarded. amazing. but yeah.

we have both decided its okay if i wanna do angelina jolie and that he likes avril cause shes pretty hot.

yeah. its 7:37 and we are getting ready to go to church. i dont like church religion isnt my thing. but my mom is hardcore catholic and my dad likes to make sure shes happy. and she said if i dont go to church i cant live in this house so when i turn 18 i duno where im gonna live cause it cant be there... cause im not going to church after december 22nd of 2006. just for the record.

ive got softball and its supposed to rain and stuff if it does thats good cause i dont feel like going cuase i feel like shit. i cant sleep its horrible. i woke up like 7 times. like dying. i took some midol. cause im all like doubled over in pain. i duno what i can take so my throat doesnt actualy ignite...cause i throw up if i take robotussin. jfbksjfbkdb.

i really really wanna cuddle. like more then anything else right now. and with ryan. bajklfhewjkrb.

im hopeless.

so i worked with ryan today.
ive decided, that he has the cutest smile. annd i really want him to ask me the fuck out or im going to ahve a seizure, seroiusly. i dont like the period inbetween being asked out, and wondering wether the fuck im being an idiot or not. like i duno i cant read him very well. and we arent allowed to pda at work. i was at register 7 and he came down to bag for me for someone. and i snuck in a hug and that was about it. and he was like we arent allowed to pda at work. pfft. gay. hes coming over tomorrow i think. well i want him to. i wanna cuddle. really badly.
oh and im pmsing like no other so dont cross me ill rip you appart bleh with that im going to bed.

okay theres this kid shain, who was a good friend of mine, i mean i told him a lot. why? because i trusted him. so last night i was at seany's house with shain, michael, hunter, howe, zach, and jason. well lets see. i was talking about the tony thing. i guess to shain. or something, and he freaked out cause hes the only one in the group that knows tony, yeah. i mean i trusted him not to go tell anyone. cause lets see sean, very good friend, has no reason to tell. michael, amazingly trustworthy, if confided in him with a lot of things cause he wont tell anyone about anything. jason is the same way. hunter was only there for a bit dont think he really heard much other then that i wasnt ever asked out by ryan. and that we are just dating. zach doesnt care, niether does howe. howe used to like me. he was kinda comin on to me too nothing too obvious. but he was being subtle. bleh hes gross and used to be an asshole to me. well i left around like 10:15 cause my mom had sand in get vagina. seriously. so shain decideds to call tony and leave him a message.

now this is the conversation that goes down between shain and i. later on that night.

(22:50:15) Rachel: don't say anything to tony
(22:50:24) Rachel: cause I don't feel like haviung him bitch me out or anyting
(22:50:27) Shain: Too late.
(22:50:30) Rachel: WHAT
(22:50:39) Shain: Haha, I called him and begged him not to rail you.
(22:50:45) Rachel: no you didnt
(22:50:52) Shain: Yes I did
(22:50:58) Rachel: youre fucking kidding me
(22:51:04) Shain: You can ask Sean.
(22:51:09) Rachel: seroiusly shain thats the last time I'm ever telling you anything
(22:51:20) Shain: I told him it would emotionally destory me and I couldn't let it happen.
(22:51:30) Rachel: jesus christ shain
(22:51:36) Shain: Seriously.
(22:51:42) Rachel: I don't fucking care
(22:51:46) Rachel: you seroiusly fucking called him
(22:51:48) Rachel: what did he say
(22:52:04) Shain: I have a hard enough time thinking about him fucking some girl I don't know, fucking you is like 100X times worse.
(22:52:11) Shain: Answering machine.
(22:52:19) Rachel: jesus christ
(22:52:32) Shain: Don't worry, he's not going to care.
(22:52:35) Shain: He's going to rail you anyway.
(22:52:58) Rachel: no
(22:53:03) Rachel: its the fact you seroiusly called him
(22:53:06) Rachel: I didnt think you were gonna do that
(22:53:13) Rachel: I don't need you taking and telling people all my shit
(22:53:25) Rachel: see I trust howe, deglar, sean, jason
(22:53:30) Rachel: hunter doesnt know the kid
(22:53:35) Rachel: either do any of em
(22:53:39) Rachel: but they wouldnt fucking call the kid
(22:58:34) Rachel: so exactly what did you say to him
(22:58:40) Shain: I don't remember haha.
(22:58:47) Shain: I know I didn't say you told me to wanted to.
(22:58:54) Shain: So you're fine.
(22:59:03) Rachel: that made no sense
(22:59:19) Shain: Don't even worry about it, he'll probably take it as a joke, and rail you anyway.
(22:59:26) Rachel: no its not that
(22:59:32) Shain: change the first "to" to "you."
(23:00:17) Rachel: he knows I want to do him
(23:00:24) Rachel: what ever
(23:00:34) Rachel: but seirously its just not your place to go and do that
(23:00:39) Shain: Look, if you give a fuck about me, please don't do it.
(23:00:48) Shain: I just can't deal with having to know that.
(23:00:51) Rachel: what if I went out with the kid
(23:00:55) Rachel: I wont tell you anything anymore then
(23:01:01) Shain: No, because now I know.
(23:01:13) Shain: If your sex drive is more important to you than me, then fine, go fuck him.
(23:01:42) Rachel: I'm pretty fuckin pissed you had the balls to betray my trust
(23:01:45) Rachel: seriously
(23:02:00) Shain: Your trust? You didn't tell me not to call him and ask him not to do it.
(23:02:06) Shain: You didn't say don't say anything to Tony.
(23:02:12) Rachel: its just common knowlege
(23:02:20) Rachel: you don't go around telling people shit that other people say
(23:02:35) Rachel: everything youve told me I don't belive I went spreading it around.
(23:02:51) Shain: Where did I spread it?
(23:02:58) Rachel: YOU CALLED FUCKING TONY
(23:03:11) Shain: No one but Tony, and the dudes we were with know I know.
(23:03:15) Shain: So it's not really spread.
(23:03:23) Shain: If I wanted to spread it, I'd write it on my MySpace.
(23:03:26) Rachel: you arent getting this.
(23:03:29) Rachel: you know.
(23:03:31) Rachel: and you called tony
(23:03:41) Rachel: more then just me tony and maureen know now.
(23:03:46) Rachel: which makes it one too many people.
(23:04:11) Shain: Then why did you spread it?
(23:04:26) Rachel: cause I thought you were one of my good friends
(23:04:27) Shain: I'm sure Maureen and Tony have said something.
(23:04:35) Rachel: maureen wouldnt tell anyone.
(23:04:48) Shain: You THINK she wouldn't..
(23:04:53) Shain: You don't KNOW she didn't.
(23:04:59) Shain: This is stupid.
(23:05:04) Shain: Bottom line, please don't do it.
(23:05:58) Rachel: bottom line is ill fuck who ever I want, and you shouldnt have gone and called tony
(23:06:05) Rachel: its not your place.
(23:07:00) Shain: Sure it was out of my place, but you really don't understand what's going on in my head right now. Like seriously, I really don't want to think about this at all.
(23:07:54) Shain: So honestly. Fuck him. I don't care, you clearly don't give a shit that I am asking you not to. I'm glad getting laid once is more important than I am, so I hope he's real fucking good.
(23:10:27) Rachel: its not the fact I wanna get laid
(23:10:30) Rachel: its because you fucking called him
(23:10:35) Rachel: how can I ever trust you again?
(23:10:47) Rachel: I've gotta go though
(23:10:49) Rachel: bye

my dad had turned off the internet. and i didnt feel like talking to him again when i went and turned in back on, but i still have stuff to say, but itd be trying to pick a fight.

maureen, wouldnt ever tell anyone, i know this because she is my best friend, and i fucking trust her more then a lot of fucking people.

oh and you wanna know something, anytime he says anything baout liking a girl i die a little, cause the thought of any girl touching him is discuting. and im not just saying that, maureen agrees with me.

(00:21:12) Rachel: so what did shain say to you?
(00:21:33) Tony: hah, he said "if u value our firendship, not to rail you"
(00:21:46) Rachel: yeah he said something along the same lines to me
(00:21:50) Rachel: and I'm pretty fuckin pissed
(00:22:02) Tony: y would u tell himthat anyway
(00:22:07) Rachel: not that I really care what e thinks but that he seroiusly called him
(00:22:12) Rachel: see hes one of my really good friends
(00:22:14) Rachel: and I was just rambeling
(00:22:20) Rachel: and I didnt even mean to tell him that
(00:22:22) Rachel: and
(00:22:30) Rachel: seroiusly I'm fucking done with him
(00:22:36) Rachel: you hvae no idea how fucking pissed I am
(00:22:38) Rachel: I'm really sorry
(00:22:44) Tony: y u pissed?
(00:22:55) Rachel: because I didnt think hed fucking betray my trust
(00:23:02) Rachel: like I've told him a lot of shit in the past
(00:23:08) Rachel: and hes never acted on any of it
(00:23:15) Rachel: and I didnt think this would be any diffrent
(00:23:29) Tony: yeah
(00:23:38) Rachel: and its really hard to gain trust with me
(00:23:45) Rachel: just in general
(00:23:51) Rachel: but I'm really sorry
(00:23:54) Rachel: shains a fucking dick
(00:24:03) Tony: its ok
(00:24:04) Tony: i dont care

later
(01:36:02) Rachel: I'm really sorry I shot my mouth off, about 'us'. I didn't realize Shain was going to be such an ass, seeing as I considered him one of my best guy friends.(Yeah I know it's Shain I don't wanna hear it haha). I feel pretty shitty about the whole situation with him, (and you) but honestly I'm the one that caused it. I opened my big mouth and it wasn't really my place. I just would like to apologize for what happened.
(01:36:02) Tony : sleeping...callme if you must...
(01:36:13) Rachel: with that said I'm gonna go to bed.

I FUCKING HATE DRAMA.

im fucking done. ive got work at four today. and i wanna see ryan, caue i ahvent seen him in a long time. ugh what ever. im over it. boys suck.

tom feel free to kill them all.