It sounds waaaaay beyond my level 12 Paladin... :^b
I have two stories to share:
A long time ago, I wanted to get into (computer video) animation, and got a supportive email from a big hero of mine (who was basically running animation on all the major sci-fi stuff of the time, including B-5, most of the Trek stuff, and other programs). He basically said I could take classes and they'd be a good investment, but if I *really* wanted to get into it, I should get a really good PC, a copy of [software _____] and just start '...learning [my] ass off'.
It sounds an awful lot like what you're doing.
I did some following down the same path, but then veered off as I realized it wasn't such a good fit for me. But some time later, I was making some candies for a good friend-- ironically, it was more at her insistence that I should be doing it than any major desire on my part. Somewhere in the middle of that, at about 3pm on a Saturday afternoon, I watched some melted chocolate "click" as it achieved *perfect* temper right in front of my eyes. I touched a part of that chocolate to my chin (just under my lip) and "learned" the feeling of the right temperature where that happens. Then I melted my next batch and did it again. Then I whipped out a marble slab and just "eyeballed" that temper.
The next hour was a blur, but it ended up in some of the most amazing stuff I'd ever made (up to that time). I rushed it off and bumped into a friend of mine, who remarked on how I was *glowing* (and pointed out that I had a streak of brown on one cheek-- chocolate as it turned out).
I'm still looking for that kind of stuff-- there doesn't seem to be just one thing-- but that "toe-curling feeling" I get every time I make some caramel or melt chocolate for truffles-- it's a love-hate feeling of things I've mastered combined with all I have yet to learn (and how they both just...burn in me)... ...I think that burn is the stuff of life, and it sounds like the path you're on. All I can say is trust your feelings and damn them torpedoes as HARD AS YOU CAN (and keep at it no matter what).