No, I am arguing that the rule of law requires an actual understanding of the law and a reasonable interpretation of language.
The only one that can interpret language is a person. Which is why such an approach is generally referred to as the rule of man, as opposed to the rule of law. Clearly written legislation doesn't need interpretation, it only needs application.
There really are phrases that any reasonable person would understand one way even if the words might suggest something else if read by an AI or a non-native speaker.
Legislation that is ambiguous, which is what you seem to be describing, is precisely that which does need interpretation, and indeed is unfit for rule of law, and is useful only for the rule of man, by definition.
I would go so far as to say that allowing every bizarre over-broad interpretation of law (such as applying SOX to the fishing boat case) is an example of allowing rule of man to take over.
SOX is being applied to exactly what it says to apply it to. Tangible objects. A "reasonable person" (to borrow your phrase) would agree that a fish is indeed a tangible object, and that it is not a bizarre over-broad "interpretation" to say so.
For example by applying a law that was never meant to be applied such that a minor infraction suddenly carries a major penalty.
Here, by talking about what was "meant to" be, you are ascribing intent to the legislators that drafted SOX. On what basis? Is your basis for ascribing such intent stronger than the definitions of the words "tangible" and "object"? Can you set forth sufficient evidence to make a convincing argument that the legislators meant not what they wrote, but instead what you say they meant? In short, you're arguing that the legislators drafted an erroneous law, and that you know what they meant. This is why such a position is referred to as rule of man, because application of the law depends not on the actual text of the law (which you argue is faulty) but on man (you and your subjective claims of intent).
Essentially I advocate calling bullshit when someone wants to bend the law to their will.
But don't you see that that's exactly what you're doing? Instead of abiding by the actual text of the law (a fish is a tangible object), you're bending the law to your will (by saying that the law means to only address tangible objects in the context of documents and records in the financial industry) when the text itself says something completely different. If indeed your claim of the legislators intent is correct and the text of the law is overly broad, the legislators are the ones who ought to draft a corrected bill for the Congress to pass. It shouldn't be on you, me, or the judiciary to do so. We're not Congress.
Legislative intent is often quite discernible and it is perfectly valid to do so in order to squash these impermissible efforts by individuals to effectively re-write the law
Quite discernible? By whom, people? That's my point. You're okay with allowing arbitrary judiciary to "interpret" laws quite liberally, to ascribe intent to legislators under the assumption that judges always meet everyone's criteria for being reasonable. Those that prefer the rule of law over the rule of man argue the opposite, that the judiciary are (often) unelected and therefore not accountable to the people, and consequently should not be afforded this much power within our government. They (and I) argue that it is the sole and exclusive responsibility of our legislature to create legislation that is clear and unambiguous such that the judiciary need only apply it without any need for interpretation.
Useful links: Originalism is what you appear to favor, yet you've cited no references regarding your claims of legislative intent. If indeed the legislators who drafted SOX didn't intend for it to be applied to fish, it would strengthen your position if you could provide evidence of this intent. I would be okay with that, because then we're still talking about the legislators and their law, not your preferences or my beliefs. In the absence of such evidence, I opt for textualism, as I believe that going by the text of the law is better than going by what you, I, or anyone else subjectively feels the law "should mean". Maybe you're right, and maybe the guys behind SOX didn't intend for it to be applied to fish. I'd even go so far as to say this is likely. However, the legislative process shouldn't be about what some guy thinks, what some person feels, what is likely. It should be about the law, it should be grounded in reality, and it should have a factual basis.