Oh, and if you curse at a bureaucrat, those worthless sacks of shit of which there are way too many, that's "Beamten Beleidigung" and you can get fined 5000 Euro on their word.

There is no such thing as "beamtenbeleidigung". Insulting an somone working for the government is the same thing as insulting any other abitrary person.

Why are only special people privileged to counting? Can they not be bought?

There are no special people. Counting the votes has to be done in public, you can go there and watch.