Sorry for calling you a troll. There's just a lot of noise in this thread from GNOME3 haters and a total lack of specifics. It seems like most people have decided they hate GNOME3 and not much can change their mind. About removing functionality from the core for people to re-add as extensions: I have mixed feelings about that myself. That aside most of what you're looking for is definitely available as extensions if you do decide to try GNOME again:
not having a normal task bar down the bottom
Looks like Frippery Bottom Panel would do the trick.
not having a normal menu at the top
Axe menu looks awesome and I actually use it myself. There's also Frippery menu which looks more minimalist.
not having a decent range of applets to add to the top bar (which I can't put things on anyway, so I guess there's no point having applets if you've got nowhere to put them)
Yeah. Agreed there, but it's getting better. It's just that instead of applets they're extensions now, and they're not installed by default.
Nautilus having found new ways to strip out features where previously I thought they had hit rock bottom
Are you referring to the double-pane thing that they borrowed from mc that they recently removed?