Dear Leader's 100% accurate forecast for the week of December 13th, 2012:

High of 200C dropping to an occasional low of -200C in the shade
Clear skies, good visibility, with an imaging resolution of .5 meters in South Korea
35% chance of fatal orbital collision with nearby orbital bodies, with some minor nausea, vertigo, and spatial disorientation as we move into the evening.

This has been another installment of Dear Leader's 100% Accurate Forecasts - remember, if it's not spot-on, then the round-eye imperialist Yankee pigs have sent their weather planes over our wonderful Best Korean homeland to change the skies and discredit Dear Leader!

*whoosh*

At first glance I read the title as "Intel Announces Atom $1200 SoC For High Density Servers".

My first thought: "$1200 for an underpowered Intel server chip? Sounds about right."

How about, because Microsoft doesn't charge a commission to anyone else using the Windows OS?

If they charged everybody else 30% on Windows, then sure, why the fuck not. But they don't. Apple does on iOS. It's a fair and level playing field.

Two possible solutions to this:

A) Microsoft handles the Office365 subscription outside of the Apple App Store ecosystem. The iOS Office365 app suite will be free to download, but requires a valid Office365 account login to even work. There are so many apps that already work in this exact way that this must be the "Captain Obvious" answer.

B) Stop bickering over Apple's App Store policies and pricing structure, and go focus all of your development efforts on Android and Windows RT. This is a very risky move with little returns to be had.

Option A is clearly the winner, no debate needed. This is just a corporate pissing contest. Apple knows how strong the iOS app marketplace is, and won't buckle to MS pressure. Sales of Surface have been slow, and Android users are stingy and won't pay out for Office on Android. Microsoft knows this and recognizes that their only hope of selling more than X million copies is through the iOS App Store.

And yes, I would like fries with that.

This is akin to someone writing into Car & Driver asking,

"HOW TO DRIVE CAR???? PLZ HELP!!"

Sorry, the DNS lines must have gotten crossed. This is actually Yahoo! Answers.

Let me transpose this article to emphasize just how incredibly stupid this submission is:

Hey guys, I'm a game developer and my computer doesn't run things that I need to use to develop games. So I bought a new computer. You see, a computer is a machine that runs software and computes things for you. It has a mouse, a keyboard, and a monitor. Some computers are big, but others are small. For instance, the computer I bought has 4GB of memory. That is more memory than other computers that have 2GB. When you buy a computer, it's maybe 90% set up for you, but you need to install the remaining 10% of things that you'll use and change the settings so it runs the way you like it. Computers are so neat.

This article isn't even asking a fucking question. It's just somebody telling the Slashdot crowd what a VPS is. What the fuck?

McAfee would kill for that.

Made a typo. Ignore my extra zero. "1000 cents" and ".94 cents" respectively when comparing the normal data rate. Still ridiculous at $3300/Mbps. Would you cry over losing a slight edge on a 1000x markup?

As long as they want, assuming they don't take on the accounting practices of the bigger carriers. Companies like Verizon and AT&T make a ridiculous profit on their data service, yet they cry over losing even one cent. Here's my math to back it up.

I was bored one day and decided to do some digging on those data overages the cell phone carriers love to charge. $.10/MB seems like a fairly common rate, but what people don't realize is, that works out to about $33,000 per Mbps per month. The amount of data you can send in one month at a rate of 1Mbps is about 330GB, or 330,000MB. At the overage rate of $.10/MB, that's $33,000 a month. That's a new BMW, every damn month.

I know what you're thinking, though. "Well, it's a penalty. It's supposed to be ridiculously high..." Yeah, that's understandable, but it's not much higher than their normal data rates. Taking Verizon's plans as an example, 1GB is $50/month. 50,000 cents divided by 1024MB is $.48/MB. But that's unfair because that includes unlimited minutes and text messages, so let's consider this - their 2GB plan is $10 more. That's $10/GB. 10000 cents divided by 1024MB is $.094/MB.

9.4 cents per MB regular rate.
10 cents per MB at overage rates.
Either way, we're paying $33,000/Mbps for cellular data service. Do you know what the going rate is for IP transit in the telco industry? At bulk rates, $1-2/Mbps.

tl;dr: T-Mobile can play the Unlimited Data game as long as they want. The cost to them is low, they just choose not to fuck their customers as hard as the big guys do.

...that nobody wants to pay for his game.

Okay, so, £52 in the first week? That's about $83. That's roughly $12/day. In the first week. On a brand new platform.

What the fuck was this guy thinking? That when he hit the magic "Submit" button on the developers portal for the MS App Store, money would start raining down from the ceiling? Did he think scantily clad women would arrive on his doorstep within minutes to personally "massage" him in a hot tub full of champagne?

The title might as well read, "Developer Underwhelmed by Product Success, Blames Everyone Else".

2/10. Good intentional misspelling of Linus's name, but the rest of it just didn't feel natural. Troll harder.

"Please, not in front of the press... until I post it on my blog."