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User Journal

Journal Journal: I'm back.

OK. 4 or so years ago. I left the overcrowded confines of southern California. In dreams of moving to a small town for a simple life of living humbly within our means. Winnemucca proved to be a little off center. Its a mining town, the local economy is inflated from the high income of all the miners working here. We arrived right as the housing market was recovering and ended up with a house that was more then what we originally anticipated. It happens. The plan was for me to continue working with the company I moved away from telecommuting, I got a second somewhat of a babysitting job during the nights so I could telecommute while on another payroll. Well I got a job in mining so now money shouldn't be a problem. The transition was smooth but I became once again a man living paycheck to paycheck... The family got bigger and we moved to another house, this was 2 years ago when the housing market was sketchy, the mortgage market was in chaos. The house we moved into was a little inflated on price but we wanted to move on it because we could get a loan at that time and was unsure if we could get a loan in 6 months. Not willing to sell the first house

Stuff happened.

We got divorced, she is living in the second house



OK. Maybe I wont be a bullrider.

But i'm still getting the hell out of here.

Last journal I was soo close to doing it. Leaving california but we backed out, we felt at the time the only way to feel comfortable moving is to buy a house there and at that time we just were not ready to buy a house.

Works been sketchy, I still enjoy my job but there are soo many things that need to be done that are beyond the ability of anyone here. Uh, I mean there, I wouldn't write this from work now, would I?

For a while it was really scary, we decided once again that we had to move. With me keeping my job and my wife being pretty able to find something up there it was a no brainer. But there were some issues, the job for a little while didn't think they could afford me out there and my replacement over here. But if my job wasn't getting me where I wanted here then I can't let that hold me back from going there. Time to shave the stash and pick up a paper hat, McDonalds has been remodeling alot and doesn't seem that terribly bad. But thats behind us now. My replacement is more of a sideplacement, he can only work part time for the first year and with that I'm sitting pretty for a full 40 hour workweek and nobody blows their budgets.

There are compromises. We arn't going down there with a house ready to move in, we're bringing out own house and camping out in my parents backyard untill we find one. My new pay is still being negotiated but it looks like it will be the same pay I started out with. However I dont feel like thats backtracking. With my income now I can't afford a house here, with my new lesserbutbetter income up there we are within house buying range.

So Feb 28th is my last day and I had my goodbye lunch today. Its finally sinking in, no matter what, we're going.

This makes me happy.

User Journal

Journal Journal: I'll fly away 3

Some bright morning when this life is over, I'll fly away
To a land on God's celestial shore, I'll fly away

Living in california makes for some interesting challenges.

Can't buy a house, even if I could I dont really see the value except for what you could sell it to some other sucker for. Seems like eventually everyone would just wise up.

Oh how glad and happy when we meet, I'll fly away
No more cold iron shackles on my feet, I'll fly away

So we made an escape plan. Bought a travel trailer, moved into and RV park and started saving. The plan was in a year, we were going to blow this popsicle stand and move to nevada, little whore town winnemucca north reno. Logic had no time we really needed very little money to buy $100k house. We could do it.. today. So my wife went up to check out the market. We told my boss (long story, but yeah, we) and he said it was sorry to see us go but absolutly I could continue working via telecommute.

I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away
When I die, hallelujah by and by, I'll fly away

The boss and I talked it over at lunch while the offer for a house was being faxed to the real estate agent. We made some interesting discoveries over lunch, find out i'm respected alot more then I thought. That he had plans for me, big momey, $80k a year with bonus.

Saying things like he hates to see me go as a friend and as a coworker. I was admitedly being overly optimistic about how permanent telecommuting would affect the company.

Just a few more weary days and then, I'll fly away
To a land where joy will never end, I'll fly away

So in the end, he's going to look into getting me that raise, a real one. If I stay?

The offer is being considred now, we'll find out by wensday afternoon.

Boss says he really wants to keep me, do what he can to get us on our own property, even fronting some money.

I was ready to go though.

3 bed double wide on a 5 acre lot, the backyard extends right into BLM land (a reserve you could say) and a mile through that you have the river.

We were going to go horseback riding together while my parents watch the little one.

Did I mention my family moved up there?

Very very torn.

Leaving would set a large hole in the company, as least from what the boss assumes. He'd keep me on, but would have to hire someone else locally... I dont know if thats neccessary...

What do I want?

I can get some land here, set back a good distance from the city.

things are starting to not make sense again.

Boss said 100 miles away would be fine, telecommute 80% of the time. But that doesn't sound ideal if i'm supposed to going to have people working under me soon.

User Journal

Journal Journal: caught! 2

"what were you doing last night?"

umm, looking at porn.

"BULLSHIT! history isn't cleared you were playing that damn game wern't you?"

No no hun, I was making a slashdot journal entry so you could read whats on my mind.

"Whats on your mind then?"

irony meets recursion.

This is in the future, but by the time you read it. It will be the past.

"My head asplodes."

User Journal

Journal Journal: *gasp* close your buttcheeks! 1

Wife is sniffing, "did you fart?"
I replied, nope, I kinda sniffed but didn't smell anything funny. Under the table my 2 year old daughter said "no, I farted". Shocked by her response we asked, "why did you fart?" She got up out from under the table saying "butt, butt" my wife didn't really hear what she was saying until our daughter stood up, turned around and did the airport security pose, saying "from there". Funniest thing we have ever seen, and the stupidest thing to ever laugh at. When CPS comes knocking at our door. You'll know.

*edit* not stupid as in jim carry stupid. But stupid that she knows it was funny. Just wanted to clear that part up. It was funny as hell and wasn't much we could do to not laught. Still, not a great idea.

User Journal

Journal Journal: Everything is wrong.

Everything you are doing is wrong.

If you had someone else to critique it from an outside source they could insight you with what would be the 10 other possible more proper ways to approach your situation. Anyone else who agree's with what you are doing is doing so only to justify their own actions. This is recursive to an infinite depth.

User Journal

Journal Journal: Need advice on these neighbors.

Long story short.
We used to pay $550 a month rent for a 3 bedroom home. In my area thats unbelivably cheap, its my mother in laws place. We really want to buy a house and could almost swing it if we had the %10 down. Although with the market at where its at I wouldn't buy a cemetary plot. So we want to buy but have no money and no place to buy at. We figure we start with step one, get money then see when the prices will become reasonable.

We decided we were paying too much in rent and could live for cheaper. We moved into an RV park. Not a mobile home park, a literal RV park. At first we were going to buy a 40 foot trailer but could not swing the loan. We moved out borrowing my parents 30 foot trailer which is actually working out beutifully. We have been moved in for a full week on wedndsay and are having a blast. I ask the other neighbors how they like it, they say its great, its like camping every day. And thats how it feels right now, so for those who stay they dont lose that feeling. If we manage to keep our spirits in the right place we could have a great time while we save for our own trailer, and then a house (whenever the hell and who cars now anyway).

Now I told you that story to tell you this one.

When we were unpacking Saturday, our now ex-neighbors were playing with the paintball gun. Again. Last time they had it out they shot the wall and splattered a second one on the glass and wall.

They did it again.

We just donated a bunch of baby toys that our kid had grown out of. We donated it to them, it was on the yard, they asked about it and we said, sure, take what you need. They got a crib, stroller, lots of toys and a changing table. I renember while I was cleaning that it seemed kind of odd that they didn't offer any money for it. Collectivly these could easily bring in $100 in a yard sale, but we didn't have the time or the interest. I'm not saying I expect $100, I just said that to describe the value, I couldn't see myself taking that from someone else without offering some money, at least $5 as a thank you. But forget that, I just laughed at my observance.

Then splat, they hit the glass again. I looked up and saw a bird flying away and them laughing and there was a paintball spulge on the window. I thought that was incredibly rude, and went back to packing. A few minutes later one of the little girls came over with a baby wipe while I was taking a box out, I smiled when greeting her, and started to say something when she sheepishly said "I was shooting the paintball gun and we hit your car" I took a double take because I didn't understand the house window equals the car??? Sure enough she goes around to the car and starts to wipe away at the door. No real damage. She finishes up and I got back to my buisness. It just confused the hell out of me when the girl went back and they started shooting again. Now it was an older guy who did most of the shooting, he hit the house window and I belive the girl did shoot the car and did not shoot again. But the older guy was still firing away randomly with the whole family watching and laughing, leaning on their new stroller.

When they hit the window I was already planning on smashing a half open paint can through their back window of that mustang they have.

I've calmed down a bit and decided I will only put a lock in their fence in the middle of the night. I need to find a good source of assorted keys, I'd like to put a large bag of keys hanging off the lock to encourage the neighbor to get out of the mess by trying different keys. My other question is should I put the righy key in the bag or just keep that as a personal momento.

I think its a very important lesson in respect. Not "I pwn j00" type respect. Just a keep your hands to yourself message.

If you have any ideas besides the lock fence trick let me know. I've written off setting their fence on fire and breaking windows. But trapping them in their yard for an hour of so sounds like good times.

User Journal

Journal Journal: first the pope, then mitch now this.

Third watch is on its last shift.

I just hope they end it well.

chant with me everyone, "SPIN OFF! SPIN OFF! SPIN OFF!"

User Journal

Journal Journal: oh shit oh shit oh shit.

Mitch Hedberg.

God I hope this is a joke.

The forum I read this one had a list of his material, so i'll put it here.

From Performances
Because of asdf [dropping] acid, I know now that butter is way better than margarine. I saw through the bull$!@%.
I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut...I don't need a receipt for the doughnut - I'll just give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario in which I would need to prove that I bought a doughnut...Some skeptical friend, don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here...oh wait it's back home in the file...under "D", for doughnut.
I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. Hell yeah, reminds me of summer time, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on, better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like mine.
I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon roll incense. Perhaps I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.
I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store oftentimes I will drop it, so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.
I opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said "Please Try Again" because they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I thought I might have opened the yogurt wrong...or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me, 'c'mon, Mitchell, don't give up. Please try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.
I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.
I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill...
I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid-back company. They said "!&$% it. Cut 'em up."
I saw a six pack of soda-pop for $1.20. That price !&$%s with your head, man. Because then I thought that I would start selling soda-pop. Suddenly I got things of pop with me. "What's going on, Mitch." "Not much, looking to buy some pop? Fifty cents a can. It's not refrigerated because this is a half assed commitment."
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be !&$%ed up.
That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, "Its cool, he's with me."
You know they call corn on the cob, corn on the cob, but that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that corn, they should call every other version corn off the cob. It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call it Mitch. Then reattach it and call me Mitch-all-together...
I like swiss cheese. It's the only cheese you can draw with a pencil and identify.

I got an ant farm. Them fellas don't grow $!@%.
I went to the store to buy a candle-holder, but they were out. So I bought a cake.
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load $!@% into a truck.
I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.
I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide..."
I wrote a letter to my dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it so I crossed it out and wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, dad - there's a lot of $!@% you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away... ...and then at the end of the letter I like to write "P.S. - this is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.
I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zip it up real quick?
I type at 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.
I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry. And that's extra scary to me, because there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run. He's fuzzy. Get outta here.
I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.
One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. Here's a picture of me when I am older. You son of a #@%$!, how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera...
My roommate says, "I need to shave and use the shower. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird-ass quiz where he reveals the answer first... ...Every time I go and shave I assume there is somebody else on the planet shaving as well, so I say "I'm gonna go shave too"
Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It is very dangerous to wave to people you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're $!$%y. "Look what I got mother!&$%er, this thing is useful...I'm gonna go pick something up"
My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got half way. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.
On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the !&$% did you get that banana at...
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see a escalator temporarily outta order sign, just escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience... we appologize for the fact that you can still get up there"
I was walking down the street with my friend and he said "I hear music." As though there's any other way to take it in. You're not special. That's how I receive it too...I tried to taste it, but it did not work...
2-in-1 is a bull$!@% term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.
I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips...
I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwhiches? All-encompassingly...
This shirt is dry clean only. Which's dirty.
I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.
I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
I played golf...I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying... ...You're supposed to yell 'fore' but I kept thinking there ain't no way that's gonna hit him.
I have a friend who is a juggler. When I go to his house I don't like to take food from him if it is in threes. "He has three apples left...I guess I can't have one"
At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said "Certainly." He said "Do I need to dial 9?" I say "Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick."
My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, four billion! !&$%. Seven. Not even close. I need more dice."
I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I went to the park and saw this kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed.
If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable...
I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get a hold of me they just say, "Mitch," and I say, "What" and turn my head slightly...
I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number. Something like, 222-2222. I would say sweet. People would say, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I would say, "Press 2 for a while, and when I answer, you will know that you have pressed 2 enough"
I wrote a script for a guy, and he said he liked it but he thought that I need to rewrite it. I said, "!&$% that, I'll just make a copy."
I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same. So if somebody asks me what time it is, I have to tell them something that is going on. "What time is it, Mitch?" "Uh, that guy is eating a hamburger." "$!@%, I had to be somewhere..."
My friend said to me "Man, this weather is trippy." I said to him, "No man, perhaps it is not the weather that is trippy, it is the way we perceive it that is indeed trippy..." then I thought, man, I should have just said, 'yeah...'
Foosball !&$%ed up my perception of soccer. I thought you had to kick the ball and then spin 'round and round. I can't do a back flip, much less several...simultaneously with two other guys.
I never joined the army because at ease was never that easy to me. Seemed rather uptight still. I don't relax by parting my legs slightly and putting my hands behind my back. That does not equal ease. At ease was not being in the military. I am at ease, bro, because I am not in the military.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're !&$%ing relentless.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
My friend said to me, "You know what I like? Mashed potatoes." I was like, "Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause."
I went to see a band in New York. The lead singer got on the microphone, and he said "How many of you people feel like human beings tonight?" Then he said "How many of you feel like animals?" And everyone cheered after the animals part. But the thing is, I cheered after the human being part because I did not know that there was a second part to the question.
People teach their dogs to sit, it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.
In England Smoky the Bear is not the forest fire prevention representative. They have Smacky the Frog. It's just like a bear, but it's a frog. I think it's a better system, I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping toward me, and I thought 'man, I'd better play dead. Here comes that frog...' You never say here comes that frog in a nervous manner. It's always optimistic. Hey here comes that frog, al-right. Maybe he'll come near me so I can pet him, and stick him in a mayonnaise jar, with a stick and a leaf, to recreate what he's used to. And I'm pretty sure I'd have to punch some holes in the lid, because he's damn sure used to air. Then I can observe him, and he won't be doing much in his 16 ounce world.
Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus... one of those two doesn't sound right.
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufresne, party of two. Dufresne, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufresne, party of two, Dufresne, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, what happened to the Dufresnes? No one seems to give a $!@%. Who can eat at a time like this - people are missing. You !&$%ers are selfish....the Dufresnes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry. That's a double whammy. Bush, search party of three, you can eat when you find the Dufresnes.
I hate turtle necks. I have such a weak neck. Plus if you wear a turtle neck it's like being strangled by a really weak guy... all day. And if you wear a turtle neck and a back pack it's like a weak midget trying to bring you down.
I tried to throw away a yo-yo. It was !&$%ing impossible.

User Journal

Journal Journal: Guild wars has started.

Being pacific coast... I could be considered cheating... I am starting to play guild wars 2 hours ahead of schedule...

In return I invited to a gmail account!
Hope he likes it!

User Journal

Journal Journal: Critical patch: Unchecked damper flaw in multi zone hvac sys 1

Description: Critical flaw in "Where I work Office Suite (tm)" can cause extremely cold conditions to occur because we're multizoned if you can ever call it that. I dont know who is controlling us but our air conditioning is on full blast and it was 45 degrees when I came in this morning. (With an outside ambient temperature of 75).

Resolution: Apply Jvert Hotfix ver 1.0. Take clear scotch tape and 7 sheets of paper, tape each one individualy 2x3 and take the last sheet of paper, scrible some meaningfull words, (always graffiti when possible) like "YAR!" or "SUP?" and tape that in the center of the 2x3 grid. Also open the tile next to the vent in vain hopes of the air circulating back out (See apendix flaw: "cold air rising")

Issues: If you applied the beta hotfix which consisted of pushing the vent up and wedging it open with a cardboard box from a hard drive. There is no uninstall for this cause i'm not getting up there again. These chairs swivel too damn much and i'm dizzy. Also I dont know what the HVAC guy is gonna say when he see's this but I'm pretty sure I wont be in the office tomorow anyways.

Its risen 5 degrees in 5 the minutes since i've applied this patch, your milage my vary.

Check back, I'll post pictures once my camera thaws. (I need to find a card reader)

UPDATE: As promised, PIKTARS!

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The power to destroy a planet is insignificant when compared to the power of the Force. - Darth Vader